Posts for: Ron M
Nov 22, 2015 17:31:21 #
Tried doing that
My Playbook doesn't have that option there
My Playbook doesn't have that option there
Nov 22, 2015 17:14:06 #
My wife hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some of whom we hadn't seen for ages and everyone was encouraged to bring their children along as well.
All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her. The little girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just ignore her, but finally it was too much for me.
I asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet, waiting for her response.
The little girl said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her. The little girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just ignore her, but finally it was too much for me.
I asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet, waiting for her response.
The little girl said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
Nov 22, 2015 17:12:09 #
DVD Fab will copy virtually any disk, even copy protected disks.
I use it to back up my CD movies.
The copied movies have only the movie and rou don't have to go through any menus, the movie starts playing ad soon as the burner boots
It's a paid program with many options but it is well worth the price
Works on Macs and PCs
I use it to back up my CD movies.
The copied movies have only the movie and rou don't have to go through any menus, the movie starts playing ad soon as the burner boots
It's a paid program with many options but it is well worth the price
Works on Macs and PCs
Nov 21, 2015 12:51:43 #
HELP!!!
My Blackberry Playbook Tablet auto-cap function where it capitalizes the first letter of a sentence, using the onscreen keyboard when entering an email or doing word processing is acting up. When I start it up it works just fine for a short time and then for some unknown reason it stops working. I have to reboot it to get it working again.
Is there anyone here smarter than me that can tell me how to fix this. It is really annoying to have to press the caps lock key to capitalize a word every time I start a new sentence.
I have searched online but can't seem to find anything.
Thanks
My Blackberry Playbook Tablet auto-cap function where it capitalizes the first letter of a sentence, using the onscreen keyboard when entering an email or doing word processing is acting up. When I start it up it works just fine for a short time and then for some unknown reason it stops working. I have to reboot it to get it working again.
Is there anyone here smarter than me that can tell me how to fix this. It is really annoying to have to press the caps lock key to capitalize a word every time I start a new sentence.
I have searched online but can't seem to find anything.
Thanks
Nov 2, 2015 10:42:41 #
A little boy came down to breakfast one morning. Since his family lived on a farm, his mother asked him if he has done his chores. "Not yet." said the little boy.
Mother told him he couldnt have breakfast until his chores were done. Well, the boy was a little ticked off as he got up to do the chores.
When he got back to the table, all there was to eat was a bowl of dry cereal. "Why do I just have a bowl of cereal?" asked the boy.
"Well," his mother said, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon, and I saw you kick a cow so you don't get any milk either."
Just then his father came into the kitchen, and he kicked the cat as he passed it.
The little boy looked up at his mother and said, "You gonna tell him or should I?"
Mother told him he couldnt have breakfast until his chores were done. Well, the boy was a little ticked off as he got up to do the chores.
When he got back to the table, all there was to eat was a bowl of dry cereal. "Why do I just have a bowl of cereal?" asked the boy.
"Well," his mother said, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon, and I saw you kick a cow so you don't get any milk either."
Just then his father came into the kitchen, and he kicked the cat as he passed it.
The little boy looked up at his mother and said, "You gonna tell him or should I?"
Oct 15, 2015 14:39:13 #
A new religious cult has started up in Newfoundland and is threatening to move to the USA
MOOSELIMS
Oct 15, 2015 10:03:26 #
At my 50th high school reunion a friend asked me, 'Why didn't we have a drug problem when we were growing up?'
I replied that I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the pastor, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds.
I was drug to the homes of neighbors to help mow the yard, repair the clothesline, and if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, my dad would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think.
They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, this world would be a better place.
God bless the parents who drugged us, and for those that didn't, I'm really sorry...
I replied that I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the pastor, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds.
I was drug to the homes of neighbors to help mow the yard, repair the clothesline, and if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, my dad would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think.
They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, this world would be a better place.
God bless the parents who drugged us, and for those that didn't, I'm really sorry...
Aug 17, 2015 15:20:13 #
Aug 17, 2015 15:09:24 #
The Church Lady
The lady was a southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday school every week.
One Sunday an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in
the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said: "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"
"Why yes, that would be nice", the lady responded.
Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck.
On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina. When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested: "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," said the fine example of southern womanhood. "What ever would I tell my Sunday school class?"
Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked: "Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh my goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday school class if I did !"
Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with: "Ahhh, how would you like to stop at this motel?"
"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.
The gentleman couldn't believe his ears. He did a fast u-turn right then and there, drove back to the motel and checked in!
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible
lovemaking imaginable, the gentleman awoke first.
He looked at the lovely dixie darlin' lying there in the bed and with remorse thought: "What the hell have I done?"
He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday school class?"
The lady said: "The same thing I always tell them, 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time."
Satan
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except BILL CLINTON who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to Bill and said, 'Do you know who I am?' The Clinton replied, 'Yep, sure do.' 'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked. 'Nope, sure ain't.' said the calm as a clam Clinton.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan. 'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned Bill, in an even tone. Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity? persisted Satan. 'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan. 'Nope,' said Bill. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?' Bill Clinton calmly replied..
'Been married to your sister for over 30 years.'
Baptizing an Irishman
An Irishman was stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he came upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeded into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The preacher turned around and was almost overcome by the smell
of alcohol, whereupon, he asked the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk shouts,"Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabbed him and dunked him into the water. He pulled him back up and asked, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replied,"No, I haven't found Jesus!"
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunked him again but for a
little longer. He again pulled him out of the water and asked, "Have you found Jesus, brother?"
The drunk answered, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"
By this time, the preacher was at his wits end and dunked the drunk again; but this time held him down for about 30 seconds, and when he began kicking his arms and legs about, he pulled him up. The preacher again asked the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk staggered upright, wiped his eyes, coughed up a bit of water, caught his breath, and asked the preacher, "Are you sure this is where He fell in?
The lady was a southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday school every week.
One Sunday an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in
the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said: "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"
"Why yes, that would be nice", the lady responded.
Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck.
On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina. When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested: "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," said the fine example of southern womanhood. "What ever would I tell my Sunday school class?"
Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked: "Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh my goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday school class if I did !"
Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with: "Ahhh, how would you like to stop at this motel?"
"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.
The gentleman couldn't believe his ears. He did a fast u-turn right then and there, drove back to the motel and checked in!
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible
lovemaking imaginable, the gentleman awoke first.
He looked at the lovely dixie darlin' lying there in the bed and with remorse thought: "What the hell have I done?"
He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday school class?"
The lady said: "The same thing I always tell them, 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time."
Satan
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except BILL CLINTON who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to Bill and said, 'Do you know who I am?' The Clinton replied, 'Yep, sure do.' 'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked. 'Nope, sure ain't.' said the calm as a clam Clinton.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan. 'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned Bill, in an even tone. Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity? persisted Satan. 'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan. 'Nope,' said Bill. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?' Bill Clinton calmly replied..
'Been married to your sister for over 30 years.'
Baptizing an Irishman
An Irishman was stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he came upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeded into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The preacher turned around and was almost overcome by the smell
of alcohol, whereupon, he asked the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk shouts,"Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabbed him and dunked him into the water. He pulled him back up and asked, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replied,"No, I haven't found Jesus!"
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunked him again but for a
little longer. He again pulled him out of the water and asked, "Have you found Jesus, brother?"
The drunk answered, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"
By this time, the preacher was at his wits end and dunked the drunk again; but this time held him down for about 30 seconds, and when he began kicking his arms and legs about, he pulled him up. The preacher again asked the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk staggered upright, wiped his eyes, coughed up a bit of water, caught his breath, and asked the preacher, "Are you sure this is where He fell in?
Jul 19, 2015 13:15:27 #
I'm 73 and yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.
Of course, I was a bit on edge because all of my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted. T he waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a very large, extremely unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
I gave her my name.
Then, in a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the people in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But, as usual, I quickly recovered and, in an equally loud voice, replied:
"NO, I HAVE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR WHO DID YOURS."
The entire room erupted in applause!
NEVER, EVER MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS !
Of course, I was a bit on edge because all of my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted. T he waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a very large, extremely unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
I gave her my name.
Then, in a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the people in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But, as usual, I quickly recovered and, in an equally loud voice, replied:
"NO, I HAVE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR WHO DID YOURS."
The entire room erupted in applause!
NEVER, EVER MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS !
Jul 19, 2015 13:13:41 #
Michelangelo's statue of DAVID
Is To Be Returned To Italy
A bit of cultural news, for a welcome change.
After a two year loan to the United States,
Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy
His Proud Sponsors were
McDonald's, Starbucks Coffee, Burger King
Is To Be Returned To Italy
A bit of cultural news, for a welcome change.
After a two year loan to the United States,
Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy
His Proud Sponsors were
McDonald's, Starbucks Coffee, Burger King
Jul 4, 2015 17:13:08 #
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password:
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50damnboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50damnboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
Jul 4, 2015 17:11:05 #
A doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.
'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?'
Ole told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'
'Bravo, mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a woman comes in. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her panties, lies down on the table and shouts: ' HELP ME! I haven't seen a man in over two years!!'
'Lord Tunderin' Jeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes!!"
(Sorry, I'll bet you thought I was sending a dirty joke, didn't you?!!)
'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?'
Ole told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'
'Bravo, mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a woman comes in. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her panties, lies down on the table and shouts: ' HELP ME! I haven't seen a man in over two years!!'
'Lord Tunderin' Jeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes!!"
(Sorry, I'll bet you thought I was sending a dirty joke, didn't you?!!)
Jul 4, 2015 17:09:43 #
Confucius Say....
Kiss is merely shopping upstairs,
For merchandise downstairs.
Confucius Say.
Woman who fly upside down in plane
Have crack up
Confucius Say.
Better to lose a lover
Than love a loser.
Confucius Say.
Man with broken condom
Often called Daddy
Confucius Say.
Sex is same as bank account.
You put it in, you take it out....you lose interest.
Confucius Say.
Viagra just like Disneyland ...
One hour wait for 5 minute ride.
Confucius Say.
Much better to want the mate you do not have
Than to have the mate you do not want.
Confucius Say.
Joke is like sex.
Neither any good if you don't get it.
Kiss is merely shopping upstairs,
For merchandise downstairs.
Confucius Say.
Woman who fly upside down in plane
Have crack up
Confucius Say.
Better to lose a lover
Than love a loser.
Confucius Say.
Man with broken condom
Often called Daddy
Confucius Say.
Sex is same as bank account.
You put it in, you take it out....you lose interest.
Confucius Say.
Viagra just like Disneyland ...
One hour wait for 5 minute ride.
Confucius Say.
Much better to want the mate you do not have
Than to have the mate you do not want.
Confucius Say.
Joke is like sex.
Neither any good if you don't get it.
Jul 4, 2015 17:06:32 #
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny's.
He didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager.
He didn't.
​I drank it.
I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's.
Nope!
In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast , Ireland 's finest.
​He wouldn't even smell it.
​What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so plastered I could hardly push his stroller back home.
Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny's.
He didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager.
He didn't.
​I drank it.
I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's.
Nope!
In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast , Ireland 's finest.
​He wouldn't even smell it.
​What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so plastered I could hardly push his stroller back home.