A senior trying to set up a password . . . . .

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already taken.

*Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gate.

*St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.

“You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. “

“What'll it be?" The first priest asked, "I've always wanted to be an an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains ."

“So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count' St. Peter?"

" No I told you the computer is down, there's no way we can keep track of what you are doing.”

" In that case" says the second priest, “I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.

"Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter, "He's somewhere over the Rockies,
flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.
“Why” asks the Lord “He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in Saskatchewan.”

Here’s a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child a gift of our time.
A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot, One day a construction crew turns up and started to build a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s 5-year -old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door. She spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew- all of –these’s “gems in the rough” kind of adopted her as a kind of mascot. They chatted with her let her sit with them at coffee time and lunch. They gave her small little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take the $10 she’d received as pay and start a savings account.
The next day they go to the bank, the teller is was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay cheque at such very young age.
The little girl proudly replied” I worked last week with a real work crew building the new house next door to us.
“Oh my goodness gracious “ said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week too.”
The little girl replied “I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f#&ing sheet rock.”

Kinda brings a tear to your eye doesn’t it?

Mensa & the salt & pepper shakers....



Some years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco . Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher.



Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local cafe. When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly -- this was a job for Mensa minds.



The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.



They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution.



"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker "



But before they could finish,..........



the waitress interrupted. "Oh -- sorry about that." She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.



There was dead silence at the Mensa table.





Reminds me of our government, solutions would be so simple, but the brilliant minds in Ottawa have to make the situation difficult.