I'd bet "she" doesn't read UHH

Swede

How someone figured this out------? you'll probably need a calculator

Take the first three numbers of you're phone number-- not the area code
Multiply by 80
Add 1
Multiply by 250
Add the last 4 numbers of you're phone number
Add them AGAIN
Subtract 250
Divide by 2

Neat eh, just think some one figured that out.

Swede

This man brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at6:30, 
after enjoying a day of golf and post-round cocktails.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed,listening to the tirade.

"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is an f-ingmess, and the dishes aren't done.

I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night.  Can't you see I'm still in my f***ing pyjamas?

I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!

Why the f*** did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid asshole?"
S
"Because he's thinking of getting married.

From 2007

HOW DO YOU GET INTO HEAVEN?

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they
understood the concept of getting to Heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale
and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept
everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!" By now I was starting to smile. Hey,
this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to
all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into
Heaven?" I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!" I was just bursting with pride for them.
Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A six-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE F*CKIN' DEAD!

Swede

Hope you all passed it on.

I found it in a saved Hotmail folder from 2008, many more to come!!

Swede

I was walking home alone late one foggy, rainy night when behind me I hear;

Bump ...
Bump ...
Bump ...

As I pick up the pace a bit, I look back and through the fog and rain I can make out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards me.

Bump ...
Bump ...
Bump ...

I'm terrified and begin to run towards home, I look back and the casket has picked up speed- faster-faster

Faster ...
Faster ...
Faster ...
Bump...
Bump...
Bump...

I run up to my door, fumble with my keys, get the door open, rush in an slam and lock the door behind me.
However, the casket crashes through the door, with the lid of the casket clapping.

Clappity-bump...
Clappity-bump...
Clappity-bump...

With the casket on my heels, terrified I run--
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom I lock myself in. My heart is pounding, head is reeling, breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud crash the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping towards me, as it nears me I reach for something, anything, all I can reach is a bottle of cough syrup!! Desperate now, I throw it with all my might at the casket.

Well with GREAT relief –

The Coffin stopped.


Swede

Rules For Driving In BC......

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real BC driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially someone from Surrey. With no-fault insurance the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare people entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in BC during rush hour.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a BC driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. BC is the home of high-speed slalom driving like Highway 16, thanks to the Highways Department, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is traditional in BC to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green.
13. Remember that the goal of every BC driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

14. In BC, 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.

Pretty close to the truth!

Swede

" great tits killing and eating bats"

No that be interesting!

I'm having a tough time visualizing it.

Swede

Very good, 7 & 14 are my favs

Good job.

Swede

Thanks Mike

Swede

Don't know what happened there.


Thanks Pal;
Swede

(Download)


(Download)

This happened with a lightning strike (supposedly) about 300 yards from our local hospital at around 4:30 pm Sept 11.
At a little after 5 there was a lot of aircraft in the air- local tanker base is 15 air miles away in Castlegar. I took these close to home (2 minute walk), It was impressive the skill and coordination of these pilots. There was 4-5 of these small bombers (don't know what kind they are, maybe someone can help with that) very precise drops. They soon had the flames knocked down then a couple helicopters (210's I think) showed up with buckets and took over, they worked till a little over dusk when the land attack took over. Very impressive and professional.
The BC Government had budgeted $60,000,000 to fight forest fires, last I hear was it has cost us $450,000,000 so far and counting, most that it has ever cost.

Swede

A small twist on an old favorite song with a surprising ending

http://www.facebook.com/Alighieri25/videos/310424893043369/



Swede

Impressive is an understatement

This is a must watch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kujcUdWAIwc


Swede