Mr. Linkletter asked an 8 year old boy what his daddy did. The boy said his dad was overseas in the Army.
Art asked the boy if he was the man of the house and protected his Mom. The boy said, Yes.
Art asked if he slept with his Mom.
The boy said, "Yes, except on Thursdays when uncle Harry comes over." AND I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR!
In case you didn't know, in Denver, you can't take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.
Ha, ha, ha. You need a camera, not a wooden leg!!!!!
Thanks, Odie-Jay That's a beauty!
The thinning ranks - Add my brother, Sgt. Major, Marines, Al Jurado, who has passed on.
If your lens distorted the fence, then every
photo with this lens would also be distorted!
I believe the fence zig-zags.
That's my opinion.
Thanks, Gene51! You got it!
(I believe I made it clear what I want to do, with just a few words. Some of the replies were way off, but thanks to those for trying to help.)
Manny Jay
I want to make a photo poster 17” x 22” (mosaic) consisting of four sheets of 8-1/2” x 11” photo paper. The four sheets are carefully aligned and glued to a firm surface.
I know there are programs that will allow this to be done. If anyone knows of such a program, I would like to hear from you. Thank you.
Manny Jay.
CALL TO GOOGLE PIZZA
CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE: No sir, it's GOOGLE Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, GOOGLE bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our CALLER ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: OK! That’s what I want ...
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I detest vegetables.
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How the hell do you know?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER: WHAT !!!
GOOGLE: I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of GOOGLE, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
Downloaded it looks great! Fine detail front to back. Excellent!
Two old pirates met on the street in New Orleans and one says to the other, "Look at you. Last time I saw you, you were all OK. Now You got a hook for a hand, a patch over your eye and a wooden leg."
Well, says pirate number two, "Aaargh, (all pirates say aargh), I was gittin off a boat and an alligator bit off me leg. Was in a sword fight and lost me hand."
"Well, what about your eye?"
"Oh that. Well, I'm walkin down the street and apigeon pooped in me eye."
"And that took out your eye?"
No, dammit! That was the first day I had me hook!"
Somebody said that hot water freezes faster than cold water.
Well, I had to find out. I got a bucket of boiling water, went outside in below zero weather.
That water froze so fast that the ice was still warm!!!