Close Friends (Page 3): I have no friends...

alf85 Loc: Northumberland, UK.

I have no friends...

neco Loc: Western Colorado Mountains

In 1978 a group of six guys, in response to the women’s groups that were forming, began a men’s group that ended up meeting for a couple hours every Wednesday evening for ten years. We did our best to limit our discussions to our feelings. At the beginning of each meeting we would “check in” with a review of our emotional lives for the past week and if we had an issue we wanted to share we asked for “time” during the meeting. We spent a great many hours on our fathers, sex, women, work. Over the years our defenses came down and our relationships became very much like you describe for close friends. If we talk today, that closeness still remains.

chapjohn Loc: Tigard, Oregon

My close friends are my dog and my camera/lenses. Being an introvert and clergy I have many people in my life, but all are mostly are not close friends. There are some of these people that I can share with and know that info will not be shared. Did I mention my phone? When eating by myself in a restuarant I make sure there is room on the talbel for my phone so I check social media.

Many people of my HS class will contact me for spiritual/religious conversations or to share things that they can't with others. I have the respect of almost everybody I have contact with. And, yes, I sleep well.

RobertW Loc: Breezy Point, New York

84 and still a loner---Left parental influence at 14, had friends along the way, lived in Middle East and Ireland and South America. Engineer/Architect Married 63 years to only one ever got close- 5 children, 13 Grandchildren, 15th Great Grandchild, but still a "Loner"
Many many of those who came close to being more than just a casual friend now gone, so guess will just stay that way----

Angel Star Photography Loc: Tacoma, WA

berchman wrote:

Research supposedly shows that being socially isolated is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It takes a certain kind of person for me to be interested in becoming his friend. He has to accept or even welcome dark and obscene thoughts.

I cannot help but wonder how they can draw such conclusions. For the research to make any kind of viable analysis, the people under study would need to be in a lab environment and there are certainly other parameters at play if the analysis was accomplished with those who choose to be socially isolated. Who knows, perhaps the subjects that were being studied thought they were alone, saw the researchers or some indication that they are not alone, and it scared the bejeezus out of them thus shortening their lifespan dramatically. Just a thought... I, for one, am very comfortable with being alone, also quite comfortable among others, but I do lean towards the former with a tendency to bury myself into problem-solving (includes physics and mathematics), computers, cameras, telescopes, and microscopes.

d2b2 Loc: Catonsville, Maryland, USA

I have a camera, a car and hiking boots. I don't need friends.

Quinn 4

Robert W: You a loner with 5 children, 13 grandchildren and 15 great grandchild. To me that a person who has a good life. I can understand you would want to be a loner after having 30 people showing up a your house for the week end. Someone like you the road raise to meet you.

bobmcculloch Loc: NYC, NY

alf85 wrote:

I have no friends...

You have us

granbob Loc: SW Wisc; E Iowa; W Illinois

Hi Jerry, In reading and thinking of your included definition of a "close friend", I realize my closest friend is my wife. We met late in our lives and she has become my "dessert in life". I think living a long life gives us an opportunity to appreciate the blessings we have at this stage of life.

Bridges Loc: Memphis, Charleston SC, now Nazareth PA

I had close friends when I was between 8 and 12 but as we grew each had their own interests which did not coincide with or support the others interests. I went to the same school from grade 7 to 10 and then switched schools for grades 11 and 12. I didn't form close friendships from the new school because I had grown up in another system that did not flow into the school I finished in. Also work moved me from Nashville to Memphis, back to Nashville to Columbus Ohio, to Indianapolis, to Bloomington IN, to Charleston SC, to the Lehigh Valley of PA. I have digital friends that I have communicated with for longer than all but a handful of flesh and blood friends. I am fortunate to have close friends in Charlotte NC (moved there from Charleston a couple of years after I moved to PA). Also a good friend that still lives in the Charleston area, and a couple from my childhood who still live in Memphis. Other than those four, I really have no one that I would call up to go out to dinner with. My friends from Charlotte and Charleston get together with me once or twice a year to go on a photo adventure. We have been to all the New England states, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Virginia, and West Virginia. Of course my best friends are my family -- wife, two daughters, and three grandchildren. We all have a good time when we get together for meals, movies, or sporting events. This year our class from Memphis is having a 50 year reunion and I am still vacillating on whether to go or not. In high school my closest friends were from where I went to church, not from the school. From a class of 387 we have lost about 140. That seemed like a large number to me -- around one-third of the class already! I could easily end up spending close to 1000.00 for airfare, hotel, auto rental etc. and end up knowing hardly anyone. As I said, I did not have many friends from school and what if I went only to find all the people I hung out with were among the 140, or the 80 to 90 that they have not been able to contact or that have said they will not be attending. Friends are a wonderful thing to have but are like cars. If you have too many, a lot of them will just be ignored and rust away. I think it preferable to have three or four close friends than have so many you can't nurture the friendship.

cameranut Loc: North Carolina

jerryc41 wrote:

I read a few articles lately about friendship. I ... (show quote)

Not a one, to answer the last question.
So it's just me, myself and God.
I consider my cats to be my friends.

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

berchman wrote:

I have two truly close friends. Unfortunately, one lives 1¾ hours drive away and the other lives in NYC which requires taking Amtrak for 3¼ hours after a 45 minute drive to the station. I see him only once a year, sometimes twice because now that his wife has various health issues I can't stay in his apartment any more and have to stay with a former student who is a friend, but not a close friend.

For the friend who lives a 1¾ hours drive distant, I visit him about once a month and stay for two or three nights. We bike together on a rail trail and lift weights together. He and his wife recently allowed me to set up a bunch of studio lighting in their living room and leave it there for a week. I was learning studio lighting and took his picture. I have also taken two trips to India with him and his wife and will be traveling to Indonesia with him in a few months.

I email each of these guys daily. I also have 6 semi-close friends who know my personal business and vice versa. The only one of these who lives in my area still works and spends every other weekend with his wife in another town where she works. He's very busy and is one of those people who never initiates a meeting, leaving that to me. (I hate that.) All of these people either used to work at my school or used to be students with whom I formed a close relationship.

Aside from emailing these various people, I am socially isolated. I belong to two camera clubs, but the other members are at best acquaintances that I never do anything with outside of meetings and field trips. If I didn't live with a wife and a dog I don't know how I would survive. I love living in my house which was designed and built to my specifications and I love living on 9½ acres. I grew up in a three room apartment and it would be punishing to live in a small apartment again in a city. Besides, I can't afford to live in NYC, not even on Staten Island or the Bronx. I could visit my friend in NYC more often if I were willing to spend for a hotel, but I prefer to use the money to travel overseas. I no longer have a guest bedroom ever since I got rid of the bed to install studio lights and stands.

I have two truly close friends. Unfortunately, one... (show quote)

Sounds good.

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

Bridges wrote:

I had close friends when I was between 8 and 12 but as we grew each had their own interests which did not coincide with or support the others interests. I went to the same school from grade 7 to 10 and then switched schools for grades 11 and 12. I didn't form close friendships from the new school because I had grown up in another system that did not flow into the school I finished in. Also work moved me from Nashville to Memphis, back to Nashville to Columbus Ohio, to Indianapolis, to Bloomington IN, to Charleston SC, to the Lehigh Valley of PA. I have digital friends that I have communicated with for longer than all but a handful of flesh and blood friends. I am fortunate to have close friends in Charlotte NC (moved there from Charleston a couple of years after I moved to PA). Also a good friend that still lives in the Charleston area, and a couple from my childhood who still live in Memphis. Other than those four, I really have no one that I would call up to go out to dinner with. My friends from Charlotte and Charleston get together with me once or twice a year to go on a photo adventure. We have been to all the New England states, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Virginia, and West Virginia. Of course my best friends are my family -- wife, two daughters, and three grandchildren. We all have a good time when we get together for meals, movies, or sporting events. This year our class from Memphis is having a 50 year reunion and I am still vacillating on whether to go or not. In high school my closest friends were from where I went to church, not from the school. From a class of 387 we have lost about 140. That seemed like a large number to me -- around one-third of the class already! I could easily end up spending close to 1000.00 for airfare, hotel, auto rental etc. and end up knowing hardly anyone. As I said, I did not have many friends from school and what if I went only to find all the people I hung out with were among the 140, or the 80 to 90 that they have not been able to contact or that have said they will not be attending. Friends are a wonderful thing to have but are like cars. If you have too many, a lot of them will just be ignored and rust away. I think it preferable to have three or four close friends than have so many you can't nurture the friendship.

I had close friends when I was between 8 and 12 bu... (show quote)

I'm the same as you with school reunions. My high school has get-togethers twice a year - a dinner in the spring and a gathering at someone's house in December. I go occasionally, but just to put in an appearance.

Rich2236 Loc: E. Hampstead, New Hampshire

Bridges wrote:

I had close friends when I was between 8 and 12 but as we grew each had their own interests which did not coincide with or support the others interests. I went to the same school from grade 7 to 10 and then switched schools for grades 11 and 12. I didn't form close friendships from the new school because I had grown up in another system that did not flow into the school I finished in. Also work moved me from Nashville to Memphis, back to Nashville to Columbus Ohio, to Indianapolis, to Bloomington IN, to Charleston SC, to the Lehigh Valley of PA. I have digital friends that I have communicated with for longer than all but a handful of flesh and blood friends. I am fortunate to have close friends in Charlotte NC (moved there from Charleston a couple of years after I moved to PA). Also a good friend that still lives in the Charleston area, and a couple from my childhood who still live in Memphis. Other than those four, I really have no one that I would call up to go out to dinner with. My friends from Charlotte and Charleston get together with me once or twice a year to go on a photo adventure. We have been to all the New England states, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Virginia, and West Virginia. Of course my best friends are my family -- wife, two daughters, and three grandchildren. We all have a good time when we get together for meals, movies, or sporting events. This year our class from Memphis is having a 50 year reunion and I am still vacillating on whether to go or not. In high school my closest friends were from where I went to church, not from the school. From a class of 387 we have lost about 140. That seemed like a large number to me -- around one-third of the class already! I could easily end up spending close to 1000.00 for airfare, hotel, auto rental etc. and end up knowing hardly anyone. As I said, I did not have many friends from school and what if I went only to find all the people I hung out with were among the 140, or the 80 to 90 that they have not been able to contact or that have said they will not be attending. Friends are a wonderful thing to have but are like cars. If you have too many, a lot of them will just be ignored and rust away. I think it preferable to have three or four close friends than have so many you can't nurture the friendship.

I had close friends when I was between 8 and 12 bu... (show quote)

At least you had some friends at 12 years old. We lived in the Bronx, NY. Every summer right after school let out, we, my family and i would go away for the summer up to the Catskill mts. While everyone would bond in the city, i was always a loner. So, i never had any real friends...Sure we would get along but i was always the outsider. After graduation from high school in 1953, and to this day, i have never been to one of my school reunions. Friends are nice to have. Over the years i have wished i had one, especially like some of the people here said, to confide in and tell things to. There were some people i thought were friends, but they turned around and bit me in the butt. Personally i do not believe people can be friends. Just my opinion...wish i was wrong, but....
Rich...

Quinn 4

I had a 50th class reunion(1965) a few years back. It was a mistake. Trying to talk to someone you have not seen in 50 years. That is fun. People were showing pictures of their grandkids or talk about a something that happen back in high school, Which I had no idea what the person was talking about. How much money someone had make on the years or about their second home in Fla. Cal. or some other place. Being I had no love for high school, it just dug up bad memoirs of high school. Now the kicker in the head was four years after high school I began going to college, which for the most part I enjoyed.