*** Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. Amen. Texas prayer



We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw



The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.


Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo".

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.

Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?


I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. Old age is coming at a really bad time.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?


Now, I'm wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only sent one copy?


The Commandments for Seniors……

You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

"On time" is, when you get there.

Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.

It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.

Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

"One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.


Did this make you smile?
Mark

Yes it was that long ago and there was really nothing wrong with the cable just needed to pushed in a little farther, and so thats a non-sequitur, the sticker I'm talking about now was applied by Adorama, plus you'd think when a company employee inspected the camera and tested it, they'd be trained well enough to tell the difference between one level of a camera and the next. As for me, I had no idea at the time of purchase it was standard H3D and not a II. I took Adoramas word it was what they advertised. I work at a Pharmaceutical company, not a nationally known camera store as a camera inspector and tester.

Well, if the holes are bigger.....
how many "grams" of dough are they saving for each box.
Logic dictates that if the crackers are the same size and thickness,
if the holes are larger, there is a minuscule amount of dough saved in making them,
over millions and millions of crackers, to some bean counter it adds up.

Interesting though, I have no idea if the thickness is the same or not.
I DO know that there is more space in the top of the box than there used to be...

Reading jaymatt's post (Sept. 30, 2020) about a scam reminded me of an email I found in my inbox in 2019.


Mon, Feb 25, 2019

Anti-Terrorist and Monetary Crimes Division
Fbi Headquarters In Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001 Website: (LINK REMOVED)

Attention, this is the final warning you are going to receive from me do you get me?

I hope youre understand how many times this message has been sent to you?.

We have warned you so many times and you have decided to ignore our e-mails or because you
believe we have not been instructed to get you arrested, and today if you fail to respond back to
us with the payment then, we would first send a letter to the mayor of the city where you reside
and direct them to close your bank account until you have been jailed and all your properties will
be confiscated by the fbi. We would also send a letter to the company/agency that you are working
for so that they could get you fired until we are through with our investigations because a suspect
is not suppose to be working for the government or any private organization.

Your id which we have in our database been sent to all the crimes agencies in America for them to
inset you in their website as an internet fraudsters and to warn people from having any deals with
you. This would have been solved all this while if you had gotten the certificate signed, endorsed
and stamped as you where instructed in the e-mail below.this is the federal bureau of investigation
(fbi) am writing in response to the e-mail you sent to us and am using this medium to inform you
that there is no more time left to waste because you have been given from the 3rd of January.

As stated earlier to have the document endorsed, signed and stamped without failure and you must
adhere to this directives to avoid you blaming yourself at last when we must have arrested and jailed
you for life and all your properties confiscated.

You failed to comply with our directives and that was the reason why we didn't hear from you on
the 3rd as our director has already been notified about you get the process completed yesterday
and right now the warrant of arrest has been signed against you and it will be carried out in the next
48hours as strictly signed by the fbi director.

We have investigated and found out that you didn't have any idea when the fraudulent deal was
committed with your information's/identity and right now if you id is placed on our website as a
wanted person, i believe you know that it will be a shame to you and your entire family because after
then it will be announce in all the news and local channels that you are wanted by the fbi.

As a good Christian and a honest man, I decided to see how i could be of help to you because i would
not be happy to see you end up in jail and all your properties confiscated all because your information's
was used to carry out a fraudulent transactions, i called the efcc and they directed me to a private attorney
who could help you get the process done and he stated that he will endorse, sign and stamp the document
at the sum of $98.00 usd only and i believe this process is cheaper for you.

You need to do everything possible within today and tomorrow to get this process done because our
director has called to inform me that the warrant of arrest has been signed against you and once it
has been approved, then the arrest will be carried out, and from our investigations we learnt that you
were the person that forwarded your identity to one impostor/fraudsters in Nigeria when he had a deal
with you about the transfer of some illegal funds into your bank account which is valued at the sum of $10.500,000.00 usd.

I pleaded on your behalf so that this agency could give you till 11/30/2013 so that you could get
this process done because i learnt that you were sent several e-mail without getting a response from
you, please bear it in mind that this is the only way that i can be able to help you at this moment or you
would have to face the law and its consequences once it has befall on you. You would make the payment
through western union money transfer with the below details.

NAME: UZOUKWU CLETUS
ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION:FOR
ANSWER: YOU
AMOUNT: $98
Senders name======

Send the payment details to me which are senders name and address, mtcn number, text question
and answer used and the amount sent. Make sure that you didn't hesitate making the payment down
to the agency by today so that they could have the certificate endorsed, signed and stamped immediately
without any further delay. After all this process has been carried out, then we would have to proceed
to the bank for the transfer of your compensation funds which is valued at the sum of $10.500,000.00
usd which was suppose to have been transferred to you all this while.

Note/ all the crimes agencies have been contacted on this regards and we shall trace and arrest you
if you disregard this instructions. You are given a grace today to make the payment for the document
after which your failure to do that will attract a maximum arrest and finally you will be appearing in
court for act of terrorism,money laundering and drug trafficking charges, so be warned not to try any
thing funny because you are been watched.
THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

ROBERT MUELLER
WASHINGTON DC


I must be really lucky. Never sent UZOUKWU the money or endorsed any certificate and I have not
yet been jailed or had my properties confiscated. I sometimes wonder though if I am still 'been watched'.

I have been wearing baseball caps for years.i started wearing them when I started balding in my late twenties and no they don't cause premature balding. It's the turns under the sheets. They prevent sunburn on your balding stop.they keep your hair from looking like Einstein's hair which by the way I live in the 5th windest city in the nation.when cutting the yard they keep the grass from getting into your hair.they provide shade for my eyes.i never use sunglasses and people associate with you when traveling.we just got back from Vegas and everywhere we went people would give me the thumbs up and would bump knuckles with me saying me too.i was wearing longhorn cap which by the way they beat UTSA 41 to 20 Saturday night.