So I feel a need to say this now because of Peterff who I have blocked.
A while back I began having flash backs and got in touch with the VA Hotline. I have a complete medical team for everything except dental.
I meet with two groups a week, and a licensed clinical social worker weekly, and a psychologist periodically. I call the hotline if I begin getting overly anxious or depressed.
I tell this team everything. About shooting, about a gun I am planning to buy. Whatever they ask, I tell them how it is. And here is how it with with my guns.
I lock the guns with a cable and lock them in a case and hide the keys. My wife takes the case with the revolvers and hides it. We are looking a big gun safes so we can lock them away good. She will have the combination and I won't.
One of my daughters is a social worker, another is a medical assistant. They are in on the medical details, diagnosis and meds. I have friends in town who spend time in the psych ward periodically, we talk, and we all get it.
So Im not in danger of killing anyone, I gave that up in the 70's.

Why am I posting about my situation on here? Because there are plenty of Vets who can relate to me. And its nice to be able to talk about some of these things to people without saying who I am.

I have enough problems with my emotional situation as it is. And anyone who starts posting like Peterff did I am going to block. If you have PTSD issues like I do, I hope you know it really helps to talk about. I am fortunate to have a wife and kids who really are supportive. I didn't thing they would be.

For instance, my wife wont drink at all. But the past few months I have been drinking a lot of beer, and she will go to the bar with me and drink a coke. It keeps me connected and safe. My wife is walking thru hell with me, that's love people.

I dont know if this all makes sense or not, I don't care. But for those of you who are supportive of me I really appreciate it a lot. I can't drive now, so I am off of work. I don't need the money so it doesn't really matter.
I think that's enough.

Good bye...do you know what F.O. stands for?

That loudness and the recoil on the revolvers I have recently bought helps with my ptsd. Im not able to drive for a while so my wife is driving us to various ranges and hanging out at gun stores.She is self employed so can set her own schedule. Doc says its good for me.

Well Peterff...you can just go Peter Off somewhere! VA team says its good therapy for me to take the guns to the range and shoot a couple hundred rounds a week. Check the price of ammo if you want.

yep Marion its hers now. But now I will be able to buy any of the 44 mags from the Performance Center and she will be okay with it. And I am thinking this one. https://www.smith-wesson.com/firearms/performance-center-model-629-44-magnum-hunter

I took my wife to the gun range so she could try out my new Smith and Wesson 44 magnum 2.75" barrel. The magnum ammo stings my hand pretty good.
https://www.smith-wesson.com/firearms/model-69-combat-magnum

She shot 5 rounds of 44 special and said it felt like shooting our 45 revolver. Then she loaded the magnum and fired a round. A sexy grin came across her face and then she fired off the other four rounds. She said "Thanks for my conceal carry gun." She picked up the rest of the box of 44 magnum ammo and put them in her purse along with the revolver.

That is what my brain on drugs has been doing. beautiful.

http://www.newser.com/story/245781/some-us-skywatchers-will-see-northern-lights-sunday.html?utm_source=part&utm_medium=uol&utm_campaign=rss_top

Been having a good few days since taking the new meds. Nothing seems to matter. No anxiety. Nightmares and daymares are gone. Wife is laughing at stuff I say and how I reason things. Thanks guys.

I don't know Kissel. A life time of meds for nightmares, hallucinations, and depression is not how I envisioned retirement. I did realize between yesterday and today the VA can take your car keys and lock you up in a hospital. joy.

I meet with two support groups and a licensed clinical social worker each week. She offered an ambulance ride home but my wife and daughter came and brought me home. Psychiatrist was upset I was on an opioid and changed my meds. My wife took the guns to her office at work this morning, and drove me to the hospital. What a way for her to spend an entire day.
It's really eye opening when you hit bottom..or have been living on the bottom for while...and have to rely on others.

A big thanks to everyone who is responding to my posts, you have no idea what it means.

Amen

I think I'm seeing the people we killed, hundreds of them. I want it to stop.

The social worker at the VA clinic wont let me drive due to hallucinations. Told I need to be at the VA hospital by 8:00am in the morning for psychiatric evaluations that might last all day.

It is amazing how much help the VA has given me. I am sleeping better, more alert during the day, the social workers are helping me deal with the depression.
One thing that has helped me fall asleep quickly are the guided meditations on youtube. The first one here is amazing https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=youtube+guided+meditations+chakra&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
If you are having trouble sleeping give it a try.