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Tools Explained
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Oct 20, 2020 07:53:56   #
JADAV
 
Beyond that extensive list of poorly designed and performing tools is the vast range of actual products that force you to use the said terrible tools to either install, maintain or replace components. I am convinced that the vast majority are released onto the market without anyone checking whether it is possible beforehand (especially whoever produces the instructions/manual). I quote the car on which I once needed to replace the bottom hose to the radiator from the engine; access was too tight to get your arm down to undo the clip fastener. I concluded that the engine must have been installed in the factory with the radiator already attached. There are endless other instances that prove that the world is governed by an evil genius determined to drive us over the edge into insanity!

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Oct 20, 2020 09:14:47   #
Dannj
 
Glad to learn that I, like many others, have been using my tools properly 🥴

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Oct 20, 2020 09:32:46   #
KillroyII Loc: Middle Georgia
 
wjones8637 wrote:
I "borrowed" this group of explanations/definitions of tool from a friend on Facebook.

Enjoy and feel free to add your own.

Bill

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'AAAHHH!'

DROP SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while being worn.

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

YOU PIECE OF CRAP TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'You piece of Crap!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
I "borrowed" this group of explanations/... (show quote)


I knew a man, a few years ago, whose hobby was woodworking. He had a large array of tools, both power and manual. He was totally blind. I couldn’t help but look at his fingers each work morning.

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Oct 20, 2020 09:41:51   #
fourlocks Loc: Londonderry, NH
 
Hilarious! I'm pretty sure I've used each tool in the manner described at least once.

Reply
Oct 20, 2020 09:45:42   #
FiddleMaker Loc: Merrimac, MA
 
wjones8637 wrote:
I "borrowed" this group of explanations/definitions of tool from a friend on Facebook.

Enjoy and feel free to add your own.

Bill

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'AAAHHH!'

DROP SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while being worn.

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

YOU PIECE OF CRAP TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'You piece of Crap!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
I "borrowed" this group of explanations/... (show quote)



yes, good ones !!

Reply
Oct 20, 2020 09:52:12   #
tcthome Loc: NJ
 
wjones8637 wrote:
I "borrowed" this group of explanations/definitions of tool from a friend on Facebook.

Enjoy and feel free to add your own.

Bill

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'AAAHHH!'

DROP SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while being worn.

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

YOU PIECE OF CRAP TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'You piece of Crap!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
I "borrowed" this group of explanations/... (show quote)



Reply
Oct 20, 2020 10:04:06   #
Burtzy Loc: Bronx N.Y. & Simi Valley, CA
 
TAPE MEASURE: A spring-loaded device used to remind the user that the 5' 6" piece of expensive redwood post you just cut is not the same as 6' 5' required by the plans.

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Oct 20, 2020 10:10:01   #
jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY
 
The author obviously knows his tools.

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Oct 20, 2020 10:43:48   #
Runninglate Loc: Saint Cloud, Florida
 
Truer words were never spoken.

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Oct 20, 2020 11:10:54   #
TriX Loc: Raleigh, NC
 
JADAV wrote:
Beyond that extensive list of poorly designed and performing tools is the vast range of actual products that force you to use the said terrible tools to either install, maintain or replace components. I am convinced that the vast majority are released onto the market without anyone checking whether it is possible beforehand (especially whoever produces the instructions/manual). I quote the car on which I once needed to replace the bottom hose to the radiator from the engine; access was too tight to get your arm down to undo the clip fastener. I concluded that the engine must have been installed in the factory with the radiator already attached. There are endless other instances that prove that the world is governed by an evil genius determined to drive us over the edge into insanity!
Beyond that extensive list of poorly designed and ... (show quote)


For instance trying to change the plugs next to the firewall with some V6 transverse mounted engines. Had a Lexus that it took two extensions plus a universal to reach the hardest one, and you better pray you don’t break it trying because then you HAVE to get it out. If memory serves, the Shelby Cobras has a removable plug on the inside of the firewall to reach one of the rearmost plugs.

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Oct 20, 2020 13:23:34   #
williejoha
 
I have been to shops where that seemed to bee the modus operanti. Really funny
WJH

Reply
 
 
Oct 20, 2020 15:00:00   #
robertjerl Loc: Corona, California
 
JADAV wrote:
Beyond that extensive list of poorly designed and performing tools is the vast range of actual products that force you to use the said terrible tools to either install, maintain or replace components. I am convinced that the vast majority are released onto the market without anyone checking whether it is possible beforehand (especially whoever produces the instructions/manual). I quote the car on which I once needed to replace the bottom hose to the radiator from the engine; access was too tight to get your arm down to undo the clip fastener. I concluded that the engine must have been installed in the factory with the radiator already attached. There are endless other instances that prove that the world is governed by an evil genius determined to drive us over the edge into insanity!
Beyond that extensive list of poorly designed and ... (show quote)


You mean like the one model of car that the only way to change two of the spark plugs was to pull the engine out?
I remember hearing a few owners saying they just changed the other plugs and put up with a rough running engine.
The auto shop teacher at one high school where I taught said a few students brought in their family's car and the class pulled the engine, changed the plugs, steam cleaned the whole engine and engine compartment and put it all back for a class project. Took almost a full week usually but all it cost was the price of the plugs. The students in those classes got real good at pulling and replacing engines.

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Oct 20, 2020 15:32:17   #
TriX Loc: Raleigh, NC
 
robertjerl wrote:
You mean like the one model of car that the only way to change two of the spark plugs was to pull the engine out?
I remember hearing a few owners saying they just changed the other plugs and put up with a rough running engine.
The auto shop teacher at one high school where I taught said a few students brought in their family's car and the class pulled the engine, changed the plugs, steam cleaned the whole engine and engine compartment and put it all back for a class project. Took almost a full week usually but all it cost was the price of the plugs. The students in those classes got real good at pulling and replacing engines.
You mean like the one model of car that the only w... (show quote)


And the fact is with modern electronic ignition systems and computer controlled fuel metering, you probably won’t notice any difference when you change the plugs, even after 50K miles. It’s now to the point that I change them occasionally just to keep the threads from corroding/seizing.

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Oct 20, 2020 16:08:17   #
David in Dallas Loc: Dallas, Texas, USA
 
I have found that the generous application of money to a trained workman is the cure for all those problems. I own very few tools, none of which use power.

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Oct 20, 2020 16:26:15   #
robertjerl Loc: Corona, California
 
TriX wrote:
And the fact is with modern electronic ignition systems and computer controlled fuel metering, you probably won’t notice any difference when you change the plugs, even after 50K miles. It’s now to the point that I change them occasionally just to keep the threads from corroding/seizing.


When I take a car in for servicing I ask them to check if I need new plugs etc. The guys at our favorite repair place usually just say they cleaned the plugs and put them back. Our cars seldom go in for service. The new SUV bought Oct 3, 2019 is around 3600 miles and the wife hasn't moved her Honda since late April - takes my SUV to go shopping. This after saying "Why do you need an SUV, you don't go anywhere but the store and parks to take pictures?" We are both retired and with Covid we do deliver or curb side pickup of 90% of our shopping. When it is fresh stuff or things not on-line the wife does the shopping runs - retired Surgical RN and says I wouldn't know precautions if they bite me.
My answer(s) 1. roomier and more comfortable for me 2. if our son gets back into Sp Olympics winter games it has 4WD to get up to the ski areas 3. price, it was a New 2017 with 71 miles on it for 1/3 off msrp - dealer went out of business and it sat in a court impound yard for almost two years while the court cases were settled then the dealer where I found it got it at the court auction and priced it at $20400 - msrp was almost $33,000 (one trim level above what I was looking at before). About 30 of those miles were coming from the impound yard and 12 miles for the wife and I to each take it out on the freeway. Plus it still had 7+ years of the 10 year company warranty left.

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