DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

Since we have been enjoying a thread on haiku I thought a thread on limericks would be nice. I did a search on UHH and it didn't come up with anything more recent than 2016. So here goes:

The limerick is furtive and mean.
You must keep it in close quarantine,
Or it sneaks to the slums,
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

A limrick's writtn to plas,
Lik a man on a flying trapz.
I rgrt that this sampl
Sts no good xampl,
But you may rdm it with e’s

This limerick's too clever, I fear
And refers to itself (as you'll hear)
With words twenty nine
I've checked 'em, it's fine
But it means the last word isn't

A wonderful bird is the pelican;
His beak can hold more than his belican.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week,
Though I’m damned if I know how the helican!

This limerick goes in reverse
Unless I’m remiss
The neat thing is this:
If you start from the bottom-most verse
This limerick’s not any worse.

There was a young woman of Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez
When comments arose
On the state of her clothes,
She replied, “When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez"

Our novels get longa and longa
Their language gets stronga and stronga
There’s much to be said
For a life that is led
In illiterate places like Bonga

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket

But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset

Of this story we hear from Nantucket,
About the mysterious loss of a bucket,
We are sorry for Nan,
As well as the man –
The cash and the bucket, Pawtucket

DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

At this time I would like to extol the prose of Ogden Nash, my favorite renaissance poet.
Ogden Nash was a master of the language, but his mastery was obtained by force and violence.
There is one poem that he wrote that can only be fully enjoyed by visual means. You have to read it. Speaking it does not fulfill it's promise.

There once was a girl from Connecticut
Who flagged down a train with her Pecticut
Which her elders defined
As great presence of mind
But deplorable absence of Ecticut.

(There was also one such poem in the previous post).

dancers Loc: melbourne.victoria, australia

GREAT fun!!! thanks.

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

Very nice

ottopj Loc: Annapolis, MD USA

There once was a lady from Knizes
Whose breasts were of two different sizes
One was so small it was nothing at all
But the other was large and won prizes.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

Thanks--much lighter in spirit than haiku.

Phil Martin Loc: New Hampshire

There was a young bard from Japan
Whose poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He replied, "Yes, I know,
But I always like to get as many syllables in the last line as I possibly can."

digit-up Loc: Flushing, Michigan

There once was a man from Racine, he invented a SEXING machine... concave or convex, it would serve either sex, with attachments for those IN BETWEEN.

Fayle Loc: Seward, Alaska and Rionegro, Colombia

For those unaware of him, check out
Edward Gorey.

There was a young woman whose stammer
was atrocious, & so was her grammar;
but they were not improved
when her husband was moved
to knock out her teeth with a hammer

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Gorey

https://www.brainpickings.org/2011/01/19/edward-gorey-the-gashlycrumb-tinies/

ballsafire Loc: Lafayette, Louisiana

Joe Johnson came from Wisconsin.
He worked for four dollars a day,
He goes to Oneita who tickles his peter,
and takes his four dollars away!

Phil Martin Loc: New Hampshire

There was a young fellow from Ghent,
Had a penis so long that it bent.
To keep out of trouble,
He folded it double.
Instead of cumming, he went.

Phil Martin Loc: New Hampshire

I've a message for Donald J. Trump,
A second-rate loser and chump.
As memory serves,
What he really deserves
Is a good swift kick in the rump.

Meadwilliam

To his wife, said the wide eyed detective
Can it be that my eyesight’s defective
Has your east tit the least bit
The best of your west tit
Or, is it a trick of perspective

digit-up Loc: Flushing, Michigan

PATHETIC!!

ottopj Loc: Annapolis, MD USA

Pathetic: What's your limerick. You're so quick to judge! Or, is your comment your signature?