Quixdraw Loc: x

A bonanza! Believe I'll have to process this batch before anything else -- I may have to resort to limericks.

2Dragons Loc: The Back of Beyond

I do not remember where I read this, but I saved it because, to me, it was the perfect explanation of the absolute vacuousness of PC proponents. This may have been posted elsewhere at another time on UHH, but it bears a repeat under this particular topic.

Political Correctness explained

"Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

Quixdraw Loc: x

Weak response, but the best I can do this early.

It so happened that just at the start of the First World War, Paddy got himself involved in the Troubles. He got caught, doing nothing too serious, went to court, was convicted as expected, and was offered the choice of the British Army or prison. Being a brisk young fellow, he decided the war wouldn't be too bad, and in any case, better then prison. Well, though it was early in the war, it was bad, far worse than prison. His portion of the front was plagued with German Snipers. In the course of things, quite a few troops were lost, including one whowas quite a good friend. Turns out that somewhere, Paddy had learned to be quite good with the Lee Enfield. He went to his officer and asked to be allowed to go after the snipers. The Lieutenant said he could have a go.

Paddy gets himself in a good spot and settles his rifle and sling.

"Hey, Hans!"
A German helmet pops up "Ya?"
Kapow
Paddy moves a bit further down the line
Same thing
"Hey Hans!!
Head pops up "Ya?"
Kapow
This goes on for a few days and finally the German twigs.
A German goes to his officer with a plan to deal with the counter sniper, who by his accent, is Irish.
German sniper gets set up.
"Hey Paddy!"
No answer
Louder "Hey Paddy!"
No answer
Louder still "HeyPaddy!"
"Is that you, Hans?"
"Ya!"
Kapow

waywest Loc: las vegas

a quick one : whats 1 mile long, green & has an a-hole every 2 ft? answer: st. patricks day parade.

FRENCHY Loc: Stone Mountain , Ga

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth.” "And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions:
First - whatever happened in Benghazi?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third –whatever happened to the missing 6 billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?"
Just then the bell rings for recess.
Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different boy—little Johnny--puts his hand up;
Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is. "Johnny." "And what is your question, Johnny?"
"I have five questions:
First - whatever happened in Benghazi?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third- whatever happened to the missing 6 billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?"
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
Fifth - where's Kenneth?

Beemerboy

Somewhat dated, but still useful:
Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
Let us not leave clues like Kaczinsky (letter bomber)
So clean up the mess on the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky

Quixdraw Loc: x

A winsome young girl from Madras
had a magnificent ass
not rounded and pink
as you might think
but gray with long ears and ate grass.

A grizzled old fellow from Leeds
swallowed a packet of seeds
great tufts of grass
grew out of his ass
and his armpits sprouted in weed

A sociable chap from Calcutta
slathered his tonsils with butter
his thunderous snores
went from a roar
to a smooth oleaginous mutter.

A lovely young Lass from St. Paul
wore a newspaper dress to a ball
the dress it caught fire
and burnt her entire
front page, sporting section and all

And these are just some Clean ones.

waywest Loc: las vegas

there once was a guy from nantucket.........

Beemerboy

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kazcinsky must surely have known
That an intern is better than a bomb in a letter
In deciding how one gets blown

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

Before you even get me started on limericks, here is one more for the Irish.

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is ‘twas, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy.

"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Quixdraw Loc: x

Guys -- a comment and lot of fun replies seems to have evolved into a joke thread. I think there is a down side, some may not come here and miss out. We've all agreed on the value of humor -- probably ought to mainstream our jokes again. There have been some good ones under Chit-Chat.
What do you think?
By the way, it has been a fun ride.

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

Well you are probably correct.
This did, however, start in 'Chit-Chat', it just rapidly degenerated into a total revolt against Political Correctness.
All of us Olde Pharts instantly jumped on the bandwagon.

Sirsnapalot Loc: Hammond, Louisiana

Love the jokes!

Sirsnapalot Loc: Hammond, Louisiana

I resemble that remark!

Quixdraw Loc: x

As do most,I suspect,who took part in this thread