Maybe helpful also to relate the mm to our own vision: 50mm on that old film camera* is basically what we see straight ahead and without assistance; any number less than that (wide angle) would require us to turn our heads, or at least swivel our eyes, to take it all in; the numbers higher than 50 are like telescopes: bringing something closer than we can see with the naked eye. (*the numbers have changed a bit with digital cameras.)

I'm about to take part in the Great Bankstown[a very Muslim community in Aus] Run. It's not an official race, I just stand in the city centre & shout "Allah is a wanker" & then off we go....

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Australia so that they can see their own doctor.

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller. Apparently " A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call no 69

I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . . .It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

A Muslim has died whilst training to be a skydiver. The BNP School of Diving said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.

Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $2.50/min (charges may vary).

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife.
Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area. I've called him Bankstown .[Same place]

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine 'flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a nice little older lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, Then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well.. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked.

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

(Gotta watch those little old women! Their minds are always working!)



Be afraid of elderly women! Be very afraid! They have been there and done that! They know more than you think..!