Posts for: Graham Thirkill
Mar 1, 2023 10:07:43 #
Mar 1, 2023 09:49:24 #
Ten more of the best. Graham
Mar 1, 2023 09:30:59 #
Back to the funny cartoons....
More from a friend in the USA
More from a friend in the USA
Mar 1, 2023 09:06:58 #
More from Indian Hills (4) Graham....
Mar 1, 2023 08:12:12 #
More from Indian Hills (3) Graham....
Mar 1, 2023 08:04:30 #
More from Indian Hills (2) Graham....
Mar 1, 2023 07:32:13 #
More from Indian Hills....
Mar 1, 2023 04:47:42 #
I have three main sources for my Best Adult jokes. These below, are from one of them. Unfortunately you have been
robbed of the very best "nitty gritty" adult jokes because of the few that complained about me. I know lots of you enjoyed them because of the numbers of messages and replies for these "wicked, disgusting, mischievous, naughty, evil, devilish, impish, nasty, vicious, villainous, normal enjoyable jokes for normal broad minded people. I hope you enjoy the jokes below and see the humour in my lead-up to them. Long live freedom of speech. Sticks and stones will break my bones but words from adult jokes can never hurt me. My grandpop would have said that. Now he could tell a real adult joke or a few.........
Many Cheers and Beer Graham 098
robbed of the very best "nitty gritty" adult jokes because of the few that complained about me. I know lots of you enjoyed them because of the numbers of messages and replies for these "wicked, disgusting, mischievous, naughty, evil, devilish, impish, nasty, vicious, villainous, normal enjoyable jokes for normal broad minded people. I hope you enjoy the jokes below and see the humour in my lead-up to them. Long live freedom of speech. Sticks and stones will break my bones but words from adult jokes can never hurt me. My grandpop would have said that. Now he could tell a real adult joke or a few.........
Many Cheers and Beer Graham 098
(1) Censored
(2) I hope this doesn't upset anyone. (;-)) (;-)) (;-)) (;-))
(3) The cat wasn't hurt in the making of this cartoon
Feb 28, 2023 15:23:58 #
FrumCA wrote:
Funny. 
PS - Being reported for something like this probably comes from the same folks who drive 10 miles an hour below the speed limit in the fast lane.
PS - Being reported for something like this probably comes from the same folks who drive 10 miles an hour below the speed limit in the fast lane.
They have certainly taken away my choice of jokes. I am on edge now with almost every joke I post.
I thought adult humour, meant adult humour. Not some of the stuff I am posting now, since I got the warning
from Admin. I'm not enjoying myself like I was. I feel now that I am now sending jokes to a childrens weekly comic
Thanks for you comments they are appreciated./........C&B-G
Feb 28, 2023 15:01:57 #
Ed48 wrote:
All of them are VERY VERY VERY true. Still laughing now that I am a great-grampa.
Ed48
Ed48
Your comments were music to my ears. Thank you Ed...g
Feb 28, 2023 14:51:47 #
PAR4DCR wrote:
Does she have her own credit card Graham?
Don
Don
Not yet Don, she says she prefers cash, she isn't two yet, she takes after me
C&B-gFeb 28, 2023 13:56:20 #
Q: What's ET short for?
A: Because he's only got tiny legs!
Q: What concert costs just 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s email password?
A: 1Forrest1
Q: What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
A: He puts his PJ-Amazon.
Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.
Q: How does Darth Vader like his toast?
A: On the dark side.
Q: What type of coordination was Whitney Houston most famous for?
A: “Hand eeeeyeeeeee!"
Q: What do you say when Dwayne Johnson buys something to cut with?
Q: What do you call bees that produce milk instead of honey?
A: Boo-Bees
Q: What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
A: You look drunk.
Q: What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller?
A: Spot!
Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam.
Q: How do fish get high?
A: Seaweed!
Q: Why did the Karen press CTRL+ ALT+ DEL?
A: Because she wanted to see the task manager.
C&B-G
A: Because he's only got tiny legs!
Q: What concert costs just 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s email password?
A: 1Forrest1
Q: What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
A: He puts his PJ-Amazon.
Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.
Q: How does Darth Vader like his toast?
A: On the dark side.
Q: What type of coordination was Whitney Houston most famous for?
A: “Hand eeeeyeeeeee!"
Q: What do you say when Dwayne Johnson buys something to cut with?
Q: What do you call bees that produce milk instead of honey?
A: Boo-Bees
Q: What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
A: You look drunk.
Q: What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller?
A: Spot!
Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam.
Q: How do fish get high?
A: Seaweed!
Q: Why did the Karen press CTRL+ ALT+ DEL?
A: Because she wanted to see the task manager.
C&B-G
Feb 28, 2023 13:50:47 #
Q: Why are balloons so expensive?
A: Inflation.
Q: What is the most popular time for a dentist appointment?
A: Tooth hurty.
Q: Do you want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?
A: Joke! Joke! Jooooooooooooooooke.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Q: Why can’t you send a duck to space?
A: Because the bill would be astronomical.
Q: What side of a tree grows the most branches?
A: The outside!
Q: What happened when the world's tongue-twister champion got arrested?
A: They gave him a tough sentence.
Q: Why did an old man fall in a well?
A: Because he couldn’t see that well!
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: A fsh.
Q: What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A: Any breed of dog. Skyscrapers can’t jump.
Q: Why are elevator jokes so good?
A: They work on many levels.
Q: Why are peppers the best at archery?
A: Because they habanero.
Q: What state is known for its tiny beverages?
A: Minnesota
Q: Why did the computer get mad at the printer?
A: Because it didn’t like its toner voice.
Q: What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?
A: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
Q: What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?
A: Live stream it.
Q: Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
A: It was very sweepy.
Q: Why are nurses always running out of red crayons?
A: Because they often have to draw blood.
Q: Did you hear about the square that got into a car accident?
A: Yeah, now he’s a rect-angle!
Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.
Q: How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
A: It is either one or the utter.
Q: What’s red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
Q: Why can’t you ever run through a campsite?
A: You can only ran — it’s always past tents.
Q: Why was the woman afraid for the calendar?
A: She said its days were numbered.
Q: Why is it hard to understand volunteers?
A: Because they make no cents.
Q: What did the police officer say to his belly-button?
A: You’re under a vest.
Q: What’s the easiest way to burn 1,000 calories?
A: Leave the pizza in the oven.
Q: What do you call a hippie’s wife?
A: Mississippi.
Q: What’s the difference between a badly dressed kid on a bicycle and a well dressed kid on a tricycle?
A: Attire!
Q: What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
A: Anna One, Anna Two
Q: Did you hear about the king who was exactly 12 inches tall?
A: He was a great ruler!
Q: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A: One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter.
Q: How do you cure a fear of a speed bump?
A: You slowly get over it.
Q: What's the difference between a "dad joke" and a "bad joke?"
A: The direction of the first letter.
Q: When does a regular joke become a “dad joke?”
A: When it becomes apparent.
This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
C&B_G
A: Inflation.
Q: What is the most popular time for a dentist appointment?
A: Tooth hurty.
Q: Do you want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?
A: Joke! Joke! Jooooooooooooooooke.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Q: Why can’t you send a duck to space?
A: Because the bill would be astronomical.
Q: What side of a tree grows the most branches?
A: The outside!
Q: What happened when the world's tongue-twister champion got arrested?
A: They gave him a tough sentence.
Q: Why did an old man fall in a well?
A: Because he couldn’t see that well!
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: A fsh.
Q: What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A: Any breed of dog. Skyscrapers can’t jump.
Q: Why are elevator jokes so good?
A: They work on many levels.
Q: Why are peppers the best at archery?
A: Because they habanero.
Q: What state is known for its tiny beverages?
A: Minnesota
Q: Why did the computer get mad at the printer?
A: Because it didn’t like its toner voice.
Q: What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?
A: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
Q: What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?
A: Live stream it.
Q: Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
A: It was very sweepy.
Q: Why are nurses always running out of red crayons?
A: Because they often have to draw blood.
Q: Did you hear about the square that got into a car accident?
A: Yeah, now he’s a rect-angle!
Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.
Q: How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
A: It is either one or the utter.
Q: What’s red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
Q: Why can’t you ever run through a campsite?
A: You can only ran — it’s always past tents.
Q: Why was the woman afraid for the calendar?
A: She said its days were numbered.
Q: Why is it hard to understand volunteers?
A: Because they make no cents.
Q: What did the police officer say to his belly-button?
A: You’re under a vest.
Q: What’s the easiest way to burn 1,000 calories?
A: Leave the pizza in the oven.
Q: What do you call a hippie’s wife?
A: Mississippi.
Q: What’s the difference between a badly dressed kid on a bicycle and a well dressed kid on a tricycle?
A: Attire!
Q: What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
A: Anna One, Anna Two
Q: Did you hear about the king who was exactly 12 inches tall?
A: He was a great ruler!
Q: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A: One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter.
Q: How do you cure a fear of a speed bump?
A: You slowly get over it.
Q: What's the difference between a "dad joke" and a "bad joke?"
A: The direction of the first letter.
Q: When does a regular joke become a “dad joke?”
A: When it becomes apparent.
This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
C&B_G
Feb 28, 2023 13:44:41 #
One-liners are the most versatile tool in the dad-joke toolbox, because the teller doesn't have
to wait for any setup. Just drop these into a conversation whenever there's a dull moment.
I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet — I just don't know y.
My dream job is to clean mirrors, because I can really see myself doing that.
I lost 25% of my roof last night...oof
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something
.
RIP, boiling water. You will be mist.
Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked
Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted.
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!
I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg
Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
.
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down
.
My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing
I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet
I’m friends with almost all the letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.
Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
A magician was walking down the street — then he turned into a store
.
We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.
I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!
At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.
My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.
I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.
The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.
I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!
My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.
I was once a personal trainer, until I gave a too-weak notice.
I just paid $100 for a belt that doesn’t fit — what a huge waist!
I finally watched that documentary on clocks. It was about time.
I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs
C&B-G
to wait for any setup. Just drop these into a conversation whenever there's a dull moment.
I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet — I just don't know y.
My dream job is to clean mirrors, because I can really see myself doing that.
I lost 25% of my roof last night...oof
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something
.
RIP, boiling water. You will be mist.
Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked
Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted.
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!
I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg
Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
.
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down
.
My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing
I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet
I’m friends with almost all the letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.
Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
A magician was walking down the street — then he turned into a store
.
We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.
I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!
At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.
My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.
I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.
The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.
I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!
My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.
I was once a personal trainer, until I gave a too-weak notice.
I just paid $100 for a belt that doesn’t fit — what a huge waist!
I finally watched that documentary on clocks. It was about time.
I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs
C&B-G
Feb 28, 2023 13:20:28 #
“No one makes more observations than a child sharing a stall with his mother inside a public restroom.” —@LHLodder
“88% of parenting is saying ‘it's bedtime’ 150 times between 8:00 and 9:00 every night.” —@SardonikTart
“Parenthood is a journey except it's just traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day long.” —@OneFunnyMummy
“Parenting is mostly just informing kids how many more minutes they have of something.” —@yoyoha
“You know you're a parent when you've washed yourself with baby wipes to save time in the morning.” —Anonymous
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’" —Dana Snow
“Driving around at 3am with soft music on the radio isn't normal, but as a parent it is.” —@Batman1285
“My favorite part of parenting is after I drop my kids off at school. I’m kidding. It’s after they go to bed.” —@CallMeDraper
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.” —Ray Romano
“Motherhood is an extreme sport. That’s why we have to wear workout clothes everyday.” —Anonymous
“5 year olds say the cutest things like ‘I love you’ and ‘hey mom when you just took your pants off everything was all jiggly and wiggly.’” —@DisCourt
“Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they'll materialize out of nowhere.” —@ThisOneSayz
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lay down again.” —Betsy Farrell
“Hell hath no fury like a toddler who’s sandwich has been cut into squares when they wanted triangles.” —Anonymous
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” —Nia Vardolas
“According to my kid, the perfect amount of time to stay at the park is five more minutes.” —@RockabillyJay
“I didn't realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo. That's still a very low number of rodeos.” —@SimonCHolland
“No one is more passionate about their kids back to school opinion than my friends who don’t have kids.” —@CydBeer
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” —Jerry Seinfeld
“Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese.” —@mommy_cusses
“When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is ‘Please forget.’" —@SarcasticMommy4
“My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.” —Anonymous
“I'm just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.” —@LHLodder
“I'd love to be a Pinterest mom. But it turns out I'm more of an Amazon Prime mom.” —Anonymous
“It's like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.” —Anonymous
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.” —Paul Reiser
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing." —Phyllis Diller
“Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is: Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?” —@RobFee
“Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee.” —David Frost
“The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.” —@BrianGaar
“Can’t find your kids? Don’t worry; sit on the toilet. They’ll find you.” —@MamaJessieC
"You can be a mess and still be a good mom. We are allowed to be both." —@KatieBinghamSmith
“Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I'm not spontaneous anymore. Will I get out of these pajama pants today? Maybe... maybe NOT. You just don't know.” —@DivergentMama
"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." —Lane Olinghouse
“When a kid asks a sibling to play a game of tag, they're basically asking if their sibling wants to take a jog that ends in a fight.” —@ParentNormal
“Then suddenly you're a mom declaring ownership over swept dirt on the kitchen floor yelling DON’T YOU DARE WALK THROUGH MY DIRT PILE!” —@LooksLikeTutTut
“Before I had kids, I didn't know I could ruin someone's day by saying, ‘Get dressed, please.’ —@SarcaticMommy4
“Hi, my daughter will be late to school because she can zip her jacket by herself." —@ksujulie
"The easiest way to shop with kids is not to." —@relaxingmommy
I think these were quite a good change
“88% of parenting is saying ‘it's bedtime’ 150 times between 8:00 and 9:00 every night.” —@SardonikTart
“Parenthood is a journey except it's just traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day long.” —@OneFunnyMummy
“Parenting is mostly just informing kids how many more minutes they have of something.” —@yoyoha
“You know you're a parent when you've washed yourself with baby wipes to save time in the morning.” —Anonymous
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’" —Dana Snow
“Driving around at 3am with soft music on the radio isn't normal, but as a parent it is.” —@Batman1285
“My favorite part of parenting is after I drop my kids off at school. I’m kidding. It’s after they go to bed.” —@CallMeDraper
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.” —Ray Romano
“Motherhood is an extreme sport. That’s why we have to wear workout clothes everyday.” —Anonymous
“5 year olds say the cutest things like ‘I love you’ and ‘hey mom when you just took your pants off everything was all jiggly and wiggly.’” —@DisCourt
“Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they'll materialize out of nowhere.” —@ThisOneSayz
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lay down again.” —Betsy Farrell
“Hell hath no fury like a toddler who’s sandwich has been cut into squares when they wanted triangles.” —Anonymous
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” —Nia Vardolas
“According to my kid, the perfect amount of time to stay at the park is five more minutes.” —@RockabillyJay
“I didn't realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo. That's still a very low number of rodeos.” —@SimonCHolland
“No one is more passionate about their kids back to school opinion than my friends who don’t have kids.” —@CydBeer
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” —Jerry Seinfeld
“Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese.” —@mommy_cusses
“When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is ‘Please forget.’" —@SarcasticMommy4
“My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.” —Anonymous
“I'm just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.” —@LHLodder
“I'd love to be a Pinterest mom. But it turns out I'm more of an Amazon Prime mom.” —Anonymous
“It's like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.” —Anonymous
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.” —Paul Reiser
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing." —Phyllis Diller
“Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is: Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?” —@RobFee
“Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee.” —David Frost
“The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.” —@BrianGaar
“Can’t find your kids? Don’t worry; sit on the toilet. They’ll find you.” —@MamaJessieC
"You can be a mess and still be a good mom. We are allowed to be both." —@KatieBinghamSmith
“Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I'm not spontaneous anymore. Will I get out of these pajama pants today? Maybe... maybe NOT. You just don't know.” —@DivergentMama
"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." —Lane Olinghouse
“When a kid asks a sibling to play a game of tag, they're basically asking if their sibling wants to take a jog that ends in a fight.” —@ParentNormal
“Then suddenly you're a mom declaring ownership over swept dirt on the kitchen floor yelling DON’T YOU DARE WALK THROUGH MY DIRT PILE!” —@LooksLikeTutTut
“Before I had kids, I didn't know I could ruin someone's day by saying, ‘Get dressed, please.’ —@SarcaticMommy4
“Hi, my daughter will be late to school because she can zip her jacket by herself." —@ksujulie
"The easiest way to shop with kids is not to." —@relaxingmommy
I think these were quite a good change