After The Dunblane massacre, in the UK, rules were changed, it is now impossible for anyone to just "walk into" a school. Hand guns were banned too.

I must be a freak, i only want one

I will need sun cream on only one day, then

Don't Muslims stone women to death because of their god? Just asking.

you've seen my pussy??!!!

Have a lovely holiday.......
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one Day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years Old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such
great condition for 10 years. 'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
Parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who
says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a
huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the
stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the
situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and
her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom..

'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still,
total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to
rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...

Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that day.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son, again.

Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!"

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well he certainly is your son!"

The robot slaps the mother!

End of Story

P.S. Robot For Sale

Tom's midnight garden?

Blind in 3......2.....1.....

uhh is international. I'm English, I live in Orkney, after 18 years I still struggle with the accent

Best marriage proposal ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYslhL71k1M

I am English. I live in Orkney, the Orcadians are not Scottish. I always put English as a nationality on forms. I will never be European, not while I have breath in my body