I'm male, but I love jokes about male foibles and female superiority. I'm half Polish, but I still tell "Polak" jokes. My other ethnicity is Russian, and I love Russian-bashing jokes. I just turned 80, but I both tell and listen to jokes about the bitter humor of aging. And, I must sheepishly confess, I'm especially fond of what many folks call "sick" humor. Not to worry, though. I reserve the truly sick stuff for close friends. For strangers, the following sample is as sick as I get:


Man walks into a bar. He notices a jar with money in it over the bar. He asks the bartender what the money is for.

Bartender says, "Oh, we've got ourselves a contest here, y'see...You pay $10, but if you meet all 3 challenges, you win all the money."

"What's the contest?" the man asks.

"First, you've gotta knock out Bruno with one shot," the bartender says - pointing to the 6'6, 300 lb dim-witted bouncer. "Then, we take you out back to the kennel, where our Doberman has an impacted wisdom tooth, and you have to remove it. Finally, you have to have sex with Agnes," he continues, pointing to a mummy-like elderly woman in the corner, "until she has an orgasm."

"Screw that," the man says. "That's way too tough!" But, a few drinks in, he's gotten his Irish courage up, and he drops his $10 in the jar.

He leaps up, runs over to Bruno and - summoning all his strength, catches the bouncer completely by surprise, knocking him out with one punch. The crowd, sensing the possibilities, begins cheering him on, as they lead him to the back kennel.

Once the door is shut, the crowd hears horrible growling sounds coming from the dog, punctuated, finally, by a loud *squeal*.

The door opens, the man steps out and says,

"OK, now take me to that old lady with the bad tooth"

I began to comment here on the erotic symbolism in the painting, but I soon became too explicit for the mixed audience of UHH. But if I had been painting this in the exclusive company of young women, I would soon be blushing. The ladies would soon be "comforting" me. (This old fox turned 80 in August! ) :lol:

Good production values, good acting, and a goodly share of hilarious raunchy language should hold your interest.

http://www.youtube.com/v/mYP-2UCS5nY

My hospital has invited its patients to submit photographs of dermatological disorders for possible remote diagnosis and/or treatment. As a person who has more than his share of sebaceous cysts, boils, fungal infections, insect bites, rashes, etc., I may in fact try this method for initial contact with a dermatologist. My son-in-law, who is currently in a dermatological residency, has asked me to send him information about this program. Also, this method of initial contact could prove to be helpful for rural patients who live at considerable distance from hospitals and specialists. Fortunately, I'm not in that demographic.

I'm crushed. And yet, it is funny. Evidently, the h**x began circa 2005 and has been periodically updated. See:

http://www.inquisitr.com/927897/john-cleese-syria-h**x-and-now-for-something-completely-f**e/

Thanks for spotting what should have been apparent to all.

http://21stcenturywire.com/2013/06/02/john-cleese-syria-and-alert-to-threats-in-europe/

You deserve PUNishment for that. You're a real card. You should be dealt with.

Thanks to makeup artist Dick Smith, not Photoshop or CGI.

In Codgerville, where I live, you can't hear the word autumn without thinking of Roger Williams's lush piano rendition of "Autumn Leaves" in 1955.

I learned more about him from this 2011 NY Times obit:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/09/arts/music/roger-williams-pianist-known-for-sentimental-songs-dies-at-87.html?_r=0

Music snobs loved to belittle him for appealing to the unwashed masses with his elevator music. I have a special finger reserved for those phony arbiters of taste. :-D

Precisely! But I found it difficult if not impossible to get my students to associate those words with the rule. Instead, I asked them to pronounce aloud the two versions of the clause and to note the difference in the emphasis that we naturally make. There is always a natural pause at the beginning and end of a non-restrictive clause, but no pause for a restrictive clause. For some, sadly, the scales never dropped from their eyes. :D

Here's a passage by a writer from an online source on proper usage of those two words.(I taught college English for over 20 years and was always looking for ways to explain this to my students.)

**************

If the sentence doesn’t need the clause that the word in question is connecting, use which. If it does, use that. (Pretty easy to remember, isn’t it?) Let me explain with a couple of examples.

Our office, which has two lunchrooms, is located in Cincinnati.
Our office that has two lunchrooms is located in Cincinnati.

These sentences are not the same. The first sentence tells us that you have just one office, and it’s located in Cincinnati. The clause which has two lunchrooms gives us additional information, but it doesn’t change the meaning of the sentence. Remove the clause and the location of our one office would still be clear: Our office is located in Cincinnati.

The second sentence suggests that we have multiple offices, but the office with two lunchrooms is located in Cincinnati. The phrase that has two lunchrooms is known as a restrictive clause because another part of the sentence (our office) depends on it. You can’t remove that clause without changing the meaning of the sentence.

Let’s look at another example:

The time machine, which looked like a telephone booth, concerned Bill and Ted.
The time machine that looked like a telephone booth concerned Bill and Ted.

In the first sentence (thanks to the use of which), the time machine concerned Bill and Ted. It also happened to look like a telephone booth. In the second sentence (which uses the restrictive clause), Bill and Ted are concerned with the time machine that looks like a telephone booth. They aren’t concerned with the one that looks like a garden shed or the one that looks like a DeLorean.

Now that you’ve learned the rule, let’s put it to a test:

1. The iPad (which/that) connects to the iCloud was created by Apple.
2. The issue of Writer’s Digest (which/that) has Brian A. Klems’ picture on the cover is my favorite.

The correct answers are:

1. The iPad, which connects to the iCloud, was created by Apple. (All iPads connect to the iCloud, so it’s unnecessary information.)

2. The issue of Writer’s Digest that has Brian A. Klems picture on the cover is my favorite. (Your favorite issue of Writer’s Digest isn’t just any issue, it’s the one with me on the cover.)

Here's who I thought of:

If you haven't read "Dawn Patrol" by Don Winslow, do so right away. It's a novel about a surfing detective and it's set in the San Diego area. Really good stuff!

I've received it also. Wasted half an hour trying to find out what a "security certificate" is. Gave up on that, figuring that it was simply Homeland Security testing out new equipment. :) I'll just keep plodding along...until my laptop explodes and deals a death blow to my manhood.

But I love the smell of Kiwi polish...but not the smell of napalm in the morning! And purists like me insist on spit over water. I guess it's like putting your own personal stamp on the shoe.