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Quickie Funnies ..to me anyhow.....Graham
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Dec 28, 2018 09:00:59   #
Sunnely Loc: Wisconsin
 
Graham Thirkill wrote:
One (or two) liners


After my wife died, I couldn't even
look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I
can honestly say it was worth it !

Got an e-mail today from a "bored
housewife 32, looking for some action!"
I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.!

The wife's been hinting she wants
something black and lacy for her birthday.
So I've got her a pair of football boots!

Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages.
Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my
mouth out with soup.!

My wife asked if she could have a
little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner,
so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

Anyone got an owner's manual for a wife?
Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.
She said she's sorry she ever married me!

My wife said that I needed to be
more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car,
burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason !

Scientists have discovered a certain
food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.!

Things turned really ugly at my house last night.
The wife removed her makeup.!

My wife shouted at me this morning
for not opening the car door for her.
I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.!

HAPPY NEW TEAR

To all my Buddies on here

Cheers and Beers
Graham
/098\
One (or two) liners br br br After my wife die... (show quote)


Thanks for the laughs. Really very funny. Copied and paste them.

Since it looks like today is wife-bashing day, please allow me:

.

The unemployment line just got longer
The unemployment line just got longer...

From: "Innovative Designs To Make The Road Safer"
From: "Innovative Designs To Make The Road Safer"...

Wifey made sure I placed it where it belongs
Wifey made sure I placed it where it belongs...

Husband now in life support
Husband now in life support...

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 06:38:15   #
presidentspilot
 
Hi Graham!

There are some of us that have matured sufficiently in this life, to appreciate the foibles in it! All the rest will have their diapers changed, soon enough, to stop their loud complaining!

Press-on Graham!! Your humor is ALWAYS sought for a hearty laugh!

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 07:33:50   #
jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana
 

Reply
 
 
Dec 29, 2018 07:35:17   #
bedouin Loc: Big Bend area, Texas
 
Nolle iligitimi carborundum!

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 08:59:47   #
ad9mac
 
Funny!

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 09:41:55   #
gerdog
 
Loved the wedding cake one. All the more funny because it's often true.

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 10:03:31   #
StanMac Loc: Tennessee
 
Graham Thirkill wrote:
I loved that one too..........Who thinks of these little gems??????

Happy New Year To You, Bill

Cheers and Beers
Graham
\098/


Masters of the one-liners - Henry Youngman and Rodney Daingerfield!

Stan

Reply
 
 
Dec 29, 2018 10:24:47   #
Stash Loc: South Central Massachusetts
 
Now these are funny.


Reply
Dec 29, 2018 11:22:24   #
Rathyatra Loc: Southport, United Kingdom
 
Graham Thirkill wrote:
One (or two) liners


After my wife died, I couldn't even
look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I
can honestly say it was worth it !

Got an e-mail today from a "bored
housewife 32, looking for some action!"
I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.!

The wife's been hinting she wants
something black and lacy for her birthday.
So I've got her a pair of football boots!

Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages.
Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my
mouth out with soup.!

My wife asked if she could have a
little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner,
so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

Anyone got an owner's manual for a wife?
Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.
She said she's sorry she ever married me!

My wife said that I needed to be
more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car,
burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason !

Scientists have discovered a certain
food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.!

Things turned really ugly at my house last night.
The wife removed her makeup.!

My wife shouted at me this morning
for not opening the car door for her.
I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.!

HAPPY NEW TEAR

To all my Buddies on here

Cheers and Beers
Graham

/098\
One (or two) liners br br br After my wife die... (show quote)


Ha!Ha!- very good Graham

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 11:33:26   #
kdogg Loc: Gallipolis Ferry WV
 
You are the UHH Ambassador of Mirth please keep up the good work!!

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 11:51:26   #
markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ
 
Thanks, Henny Youngman!
Mark
Graham Thirkill wrote:
One (or two) liners


After my wife died, I couldn't even
look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I
can honestly say it was worth it !

Got an e-mail today from a "bored
housewife 32, looking for some action!"
I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.!

The wife's been hinting she wants
something black and lacy for her birthday.
So I've got her a pair of football boots!

Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages.
Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my
mouth out with soup.!

My wife asked if she could have a
little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner,
so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

Anyone got an owner's manual for a wife?
Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.
She said she's sorry she ever married me!

My wife said that I needed to be
more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car,
burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason !

Scientists have discovered a certain
food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.!

Things turned really ugly at my house last night.
The wife removed her makeup.!

My wife shouted at me this morning
for not opening the car door for her.
I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.!

HAPPY NEW TEAR

To all my Buddies on here

Cheers and Beers
Graham
/098\
One (or two) liners br br br After my wife die... (show quote)

Reply
 
 
Dec 29, 2018 11:58:07   #
Bob Smith Loc: Banjarmasin
 
Modnar wrote:
Misogynistic and unfunny.


Grumpy and sad old bugger

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 12:25:53   #
jeep_daddy Loc: Prescott AZ
 
Graham Thirkill wrote:
One (or two) liners


After my wife died, I couldn't even
look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I
can honestly say it was worth it !

Got an e-mail today from a "bored
housewife 32, looking for some action!"
I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.!

The wife's been hinting she wants
something black and lacy for her birthday.
So I've got her a pair of football boots!

Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages.
Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my
mouth out with soup.!

My wife asked if she could have a
little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner,
so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

Anyone got an owner's manual for a wife?
Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.
She said she's sorry she ever married me!

My wife said that I needed to be
more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car,
burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason !

Scientists have discovered a certain
food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.!

Things turned really ugly at my house last night.
The wife removed her makeup.!

My wife shouted at me this morning
for not opening the car door for her.
I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.!

HAPPY NEW TEAR

To all my Buddies on here

Cheers and Beers
Graham
/098\
One (or two) liners br br br After my wife die... (show quote)



Reply
Dec 29, 2018 12:39:55   #
oregon don
 
tshift wrote:
Come on Graham. You have been on here long enough to know the good people on here outnumber the Assholes (SORRY) 99.99% to .01%. I know!! It bothers me sometimes too. We love your post and please don't ever quit. Thanks for all the feel good that you provide.

Tom


A-MEN

Don

Reply
Dec 29, 2018 13:55:15   #
bedouin Loc: Big Bend area, Texas
 
Noli- not nolle! Amazing how much Latin I have forgotten in the last 50 years.

Reply
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