Graham Thirkill Loc: Idylic North Yorkshire, England UK.

One (or two) liners


After my wife died, I couldn't even
look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I
can honestly say it was worth it !

Got an e-mail today from a "bored
housewife 32, looking for some action!"
I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.!

The wife's been hinting she wants
something black and lacy for her birthday.
So I've got her a pair of football boots!

Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages.
Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my
mouth out with soup.!

My wife asked if she could have a
little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner,
so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

Anyone got an owner's manual for a wife?
Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.
She said she's sorry she ever married me!

My wife said that I needed to be
more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car,
burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason !

Scientists have discovered a certain
food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.!

Things turned really ugly at my house last night.
The wife removed her makeup.!

My wife shouted at me this morning
for not opening the car door for her.
I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.!

HAPPY NEW TEAR

To all my Buddies on here

Cheers and Beers
Graham
/098\

Geezer Bill Loc: San Diego County, CA

Good stuff!! The smoke alarm made laugh the longest

Graham Thirkill Loc: Idylic North Yorkshire, England UK.

I loved that one too..........Who thinks of these little gems??????

Happy New Year To You, Bill

Cheers and Beers
Graham
\098/

rmalarz Loc: Tempe, Arizona

Cheers and beers to you, as well, Graham.
--Bob

Modnar Loc: Batley' West Yorkshire, UK

Misogynistic and unfunny.

Lens Cap Loc: The Cold North Coast

Graham, Thanks for the smile...great twists on life's observations!

tshift Loc: Overland Park, KS.

Hi Graham. How have you been? You always make my day. The coffee hasn't kicked in yet but you just got me going and now I am ready for my day to begin. Keep up the post I love all of them. Thanks

Tom

kschwegl Loc: Orangeburg, NY

Love all your jokes, keep them coming.

Here's my contribution, If a woman is so damn good at multitasking, why can't she have sex and a headache at the same time?

Ken S.

Graham Thirkill Loc: Idylic North Yorkshire, England UK.

Geezer Bill
Modnar
Bob Malarz
Lens Cap
tshift

Thanks fellers, I was going to pack all this in, there are certain individuals on here, that all they want to do is criticise and pick holes in everything that's posted. I do get pissed off, but why should I, you good guys, far outweigh the dross.

Happy New Year to all of Ya' and a special Cheers and Beers to Elaine.....

Graham
098

tshift Loc: Overland Park, KS.

Come on Graham. You have been on here long enough to know the good people on here outnumber the Assholes (SORRY) 99.99% to .01%. I know!! It bothers me sometimes too. We love your post and please don't ever quit. Thanks for all the feel good that you provide.

Tom

tshift Loc: Overland Park, KS.

I sent to soon!! You have great New Years also. I will have a Jameson for you!!

Tom

PRC-NH Loc: New Hampshire

A recent scientific study found out why, when couples have been married a long time, husbands usually die first; they want to.

Old Timer Loc: Greenfield, In.

Humor is the desert of life I like to think. We just as well laugh at our selves along with the rest of your friends and relatives do. Humor improves your out look on life I believe. Keep them coming.

PRC-NH Loc: New Hampshire

Hi Graham,
I enjoyed your post and thought they were very funny. Some people don't have a sense of humor and never will. Don't let them get you down. You can't unbounce Tigger.

Rapunzel

well, as for the smoke alarm....that's how hubby knows supper is ready! LOL