Cliches
Nov 29, 2018 10:58:44 #
Dan Mc
Loc: NM
Abd.........
"A decorated veteran" (if he/she held decorations, shouldn't what they are or are for be mentioned??)
"Thank you for your service"....I always want to ask what they know about my service. Personally, I appreciate it when they mention my Purple Heart...makes me think they gave some thought to it, but to see my retired ID or window sticker certainly doesn't affirm anything special about my career....many folks never leave the USA or their air-conditioned cubicle.
"A decorated veteran" (if he/she held decorations, shouldn't what they are or are for be mentioned??)
"Thank you for your service"....I always want to ask what they know about my service. Personally, I appreciate it when they mention my Purple Heart...makes me think they gave some thought to it, but to see my retired ID or window sticker certainly doesn't affirm anything special about my career....many folks never leave the USA or their air-conditioned cubicle.
Nov 29, 2018 11:07:42 #
When I lost my wife 22 months ago, I needed to vent and let everyone know what was going through my mind. I heard those cliche comments but they never helped.
What people should do is give that grieving person a great big hug and listen to their stories, their sadness and their need for help. Some people can never get over their losses and it takes time. For me, I decided that after 3 months of grieving and waiting for some miracle to happen, I chose the avenue that very few mentioned. To move on!!! But how, when and where do I start. I was worried about the proper protocol after my wife passed away and how other people would think if they saw me in a happy state of mind.
So if you wonder how to help comfort someone, sit down and spend time with that person. Let them vent!! Let them tell you those wonderful memories of the past/or let them tell you what happened. It will take time but once the grieving person has spent enough time venting, then suggest a direction for their new life. Perhaps take them out to a fancy restaurant that they never been to. Take them out the movies or go to a broadway show with them. Go take a walk in the park or go fly a kite with them. Make time for them when you can even if it's only a few hours.
Another thing you can do is to help cheer them up. Tell them a joke or tell them a funny story that happened to you. Make them laugh. The day my wife died, my brothers came to visit me and they cheered me up by telling me their funny marriage stories and how stressed out they were. I smiled and it made my day happier because their marriage situations sounded worse than mine before my wife passed away.
Sure I cried, A LOT!!! But who wouldn't at such a tragedy but to hear funny stories did help me and I would remember them later on. No, they didn't hurt my feelings or were insensitive to my situation, they were just trying to cheer me up. If I didn't want to hear them, I would've told them so.
One of the things you can do is give them your phone number so that they can call. But a lot of times, the grieving person may not call at all for they're concerned that they may be interrupting your lives so you need to call the grieving person just to check up on them.
If you're not able to spend the time with that grieving person and just want to wish them well, then say things like, "Are you ok?" OR just remain silent and wait for the right opportunity to talk.
Never say, "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I will pray for you". They are so empty and meaningless.
If you really want to hear something impactful, read Matthew 8:22 and use that!!!
What people should do is give that grieving person a great big hug and listen to their stories, their sadness and their need for help. Some people can never get over their losses and it takes time. For me, I decided that after 3 months of grieving and waiting for some miracle to happen, I chose the avenue that very few mentioned. To move on!!! But how, when and where do I start. I was worried about the proper protocol after my wife passed away and how other people would think if they saw me in a happy state of mind.
So if you wonder how to help comfort someone, sit down and spend time with that person. Let them vent!! Let them tell you those wonderful memories of the past/or let them tell you what happened. It will take time but once the grieving person has spent enough time venting, then suggest a direction for their new life. Perhaps take them out to a fancy restaurant that they never been to. Take them out the movies or go to a broadway show with them. Go take a walk in the park or go fly a kite with them. Make time for them when you can even if it's only a few hours.
Another thing you can do is to help cheer them up. Tell them a joke or tell them a funny story that happened to you. Make them laugh. The day my wife died, my brothers came to visit me and they cheered me up by telling me their funny marriage stories and how stressed out they were. I smiled and it made my day happier because their marriage situations sounded worse than mine before my wife passed away.
Sure I cried, A LOT!!! But who wouldn't at such a tragedy but to hear funny stories did help me and I would remember them later on. No, they didn't hurt my feelings or were insensitive to my situation, they were just trying to cheer me up. If I didn't want to hear them, I would've told them so.
One of the things you can do is give them your phone number so that they can call. But a lot of times, the grieving person may not call at all for they're concerned that they may be interrupting your lives so you need to call the grieving person just to check up on them.
If you're not able to spend the time with that grieving person and just want to wish them well, then say things like, "Are you ok?" OR just remain silent and wait for the right opportunity to talk.
Never say, "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I will pray for you". They are so empty and meaningless.
If you really want to hear something impactful, read Matthew 8:22 and use that!!!
Nov 29, 2018 12:36:12 #
When working with families/people who have just had a member die, I acknowledge that this a hard time and their emotions are OK to express. It is better to be there and be silent than to use cliches (even if there are true).
Nov 29, 2018 13:08:36 #
dsmeltz wrote:
One that:
1) wants to challenge us, or
2) has a wicked sense on humor.
1) wants to challenge us, or
2) has a wicked sense on humor.
Definitely #2.
Nov 29, 2018 13:22:44 #
bertloomis
Loc: Fort Worth, Texas
I don't see anything wrong with these.
When I was a young man I hated to go to funerals because I did not know what to say to make the grieving person feel better. When I got a lot older, I realized that it is ridiculous to think that a few words from me could make someone feel better after just having had a loved one die. What is important and beneficial for that person is that they know you care and that you support them.
These two phrases do that.
When I was a young man I hated to go to funerals because I did not know what to say to make the grieving person feel better. When I got a lot older, I realized that it is ridiculous to think that a few words from me could make someone feel better after just having had a loved one die. What is important and beneficial for that person is that they know you care and that you support them.
These two phrases do that.
Nov 29, 2018 15:38:50 #
latebloomer
Loc: Topeka, KS
redlegfrog wrote:
And your choice of condolences would be?
How about "Death sucks! Be glad it wasn't you."
Nov 29, 2018 16:49:44 #
EdJ0307 wrote:
Exactly. Sounds like a republican knee jerk response meaning nothing. I have spoken with several fellow vets that dislike this phrase. Not sure what would sound better.The one I'm getting tired of is "Thank you for your service" even though I'm a vet .
Nov 29, 2018 17:24:10 #
The top three phrases that are bothersome to me are:
"To tell you the truth..." You mean you were not telling me the truth before?
"In all honesty..." Well just how much of your past was honest?
And the worst... "I am sorry but..." If one is truly sorry there is no BUT!
As for when a there is loss of a loved one, no words of comfort help. I know. And no, time does not heal.
"To tell you the truth..." You mean you were not telling me the truth before?
"In all honesty..." Well just how much of your past was honest?
And the worst... "I am sorry but..." If one is truly sorry there is no BUT!
As for when a there is loss of a loved one, no words of comfort help. I know. And no, time does not heal.
Nov 29, 2018 19:46:01 #
jerryc41 wrote:
I try to avoid using cliches. Two that I especial... (show quote)
Sometimes, just be close by, let them talk if they have the desire. Just knowing your Friends and Family are close by and care, is better than anything you can express verbally, if appropriate, a warm caring "Hug", to show you care.
Nov 30, 2018 08:13:52 #
Here is one I HATE!
"I am just being honest!"
Usually said by someone who has very selectively chosen the most hurtful thing they can think of to say and does not wish to take responsibility for what comes out of their mouth.
"I am just being honest!"
Usually said by someone who has very selectively chosen the most hurtful thing they can think of to say and does not wish to take responsibility for what comes out of their mouth.
Dec 3, 2018 18:14:09 #
Dec 4, 2018 14:31:59 #
I don't know about you, Jerry, but I used to love being in the cliches with my girlfriends.
Dec 4, 2018 16:34:11 #
Man I hated hear that. Good luck with that. No shit, what a bummer. I guess better than “ I sorry for your loss” ?
Just saying.
Just saying.
Dec 4, 2018 18:26:52 #
Dec 12, 2018 01:33:03 #
kb6kgx
Loc: Simi Valley, CA
will47 wrote:
...a team player...just drives me nuts!
Goes along with "Step up to the plate".
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