Hello Angelsaboveme,
I've read your question and all of the answers so far. Lots of good advice and some that's not. I'm just going to tell you about my experience shooting weddings and the things I did to help make the shoots successful. I've never called myself a professional because I haven't set myself up as one. But I'm probably entitled to call myself a semi-pro since I have sold some of my work.

I've shot four weddings in a principal role, two alone and two with my sister who has more recently joined the photo arena. It's less stressful to have a sidekick and you can bounce issues off each other. For about 35 years I have been shooting photos of people - mostly family and friends. The weddings I shot were for nephews and my son. I have used a succession of cameras starting with film Minoltas and now with Canons - the T3i which is absolutely excellent and a 70D which is new - also excellent. The pros in the audience will no doubt suggest that those cameras are not up to the job of wedding photography but my own results would definitely prove them wrong.

I am assuming that you actually know how to set your camera for the conditions at hand because you say you have been shooting successful people shots already. Just use the same process for settings that you have been doing. But shoot RAW because it's more forgiving in post. So, here's my list of things you should do before the wedding to promote a successful shoot:

1. Sit down with the bride and groom and write a list of the must-have shots. Put them in the order they will be shot.
2. Ask them to assign a helper from each side of the family to make sure that the right people are in the right place to be photographed. You can't do this yourself because you won't know the people involved. Those two should have a copy of the shot list showing the order in which the shots will be taken and the exact location. You can use them as runners when necessary.
3. Make an appointment with the officiate at the church or other venue where the wedding will take place. Ask that person about any rules that must be observed by the photographer. Ask about the discrete use of flash.
4. I you cannot use flash during the ceremony, plan on taking a few shots after the ceremony but in the same location. Most ministers will be fine with this.
5. Usually there is a rehearsal at the wedding venue. Make sure that you attend. This will give you a chance to take many test shots.
6. Plan to visit any park or other outdoor venue that the bride has chosen for photography. This is common. Ask the couple to go with you at the same time of day that's planned for the wedding. The weather might not be the same as on the wedding day, but it's still important to do some practice shots there. Some of my practice shots turned out to be beautiful and were added to the picture order after the wedding.
7. Visit the reception venue and ask a staff member how the lighting will be on the wedding day. Often, lights are dimmed during receptions for so-called ambiance and you need to see how it will be. You need to know what to expect so you can have the right kind of additional lighting available. Tip: One of my weddings was held in an old movie theatre - no windows, dark walls, 30 foot ceilings. I pulled off the table pictures by putting a good flash on a monopod and having someone hold it above and at an angle towards the people at the table. This was very successful.
Many reception venues are like this although hotel ballrooms do tend to have better lighting.

Hope these tips are helpful and lots of luck in your shoots - remember that advance planning is the best way to get good results.

Back in my day, Sonny (heeheeheehee), :mrgreen: nearly 100% of the time the bride's family was paying, so we deferred to the bride herself since it was a "It's the Bride's Day" atmosphere. It was a dreadfully sexist time, frankly, but it was simpler. Honestly, grooms and their families were often along principally for the ride. I think things have changed. For one thing, incomes are not as reliable, esp. right now, and couples may be paying for their own, or getting help from one side, or the other, or both! Which complicates things. I'm not sure what I'd do now, except try to be as diplomatic as possible. :shock:

1. Forget all the negative comments.
2. Know how to use your equipment so take a lot of practice photos of anything and everything both indoors and outside, and review them.
3. Check out the wedding and reception environments, and weather way in advance.
4. Have backup camera, flash, batteries, chargers and SD cards.
5. Make a list of photos to be taken and where (locations) as a guide line. You may not get them all but list the mandatory ones.
6. Help others take pictures at the reception.
7. Eat before you go.
8. Secure your equipment while it is out of sight.
9. Speak with the clergy way in advance.
10. Remember you work for the person paying you. If non-paid, then you work for the bride and groom (B&G). If others try to direct you, smile and refer them to the one paying you or to the B&G.
11. Consider having a second photographer using a camera and flash other than your backup equipment. Also have then do #2 & #7.
12. Consider having a nephew, niece, grandchild interested in photography to watch your gear and reward them. See #7 & #8.
13. Consider taking some pictures during the rehearsal.
14. Look at wedding albums, photos and wedding magazines way, way, way in advance. This may help with #5.
15. Speak with married couples. This may also help with #5.
16. Take pictures without being obtrusive.
17. During the reception get action (non-poses) pictures of children and seniors.
18. You have to start somewhere so go for it!
19. Have fun. :P :P

Look at this in another light. Suppose they can't afford a fancy wedding. They may be thrilled that someone is going to cook Swedish meatballs and overcooked pasta with Ragu sauce for them because they can't afford Chateaubriand and lobster. In the same vein, a cheap photographer today, (in this area) goes for around $3,000 for a wedding. If they can't afford it, and if they consider you the best photographer they can ask to work for free, you may be doing them a huge favor. Their only other source for pictures may be the random and hard to collect shots from friends' and relatives' iPhones. At least you will be trying to cover every aspect of the day and giving them something they won't otherwise have. You talk about how important wedding photographs are. Can you mess up more than them not having anything to chronicle the day?

By the way, when my daughter got married about 5 years ago, we looked at a number of photographers. Because of my son's business (professional videography) we got a really good photographer at a substantial discount offered us as a professional courtesy to our son. This guy turned out to be outstanding. We interviewed one guy who was asking $8,000 and his work wasn't as good as the guy we interviewed on the cheap end at $3,000. How much are they paying you? Nothing? I'm sure you will give them far more than their money's worth.

One piece of advice. As much as I think you should shoot in RAW using aperture priority, if you are really nervous about it, shoot in Jpeg and set your camera to program mode. Set your camera for the highest image quality you can so you can crop and enlarge photos where you couldn't get as close as you'd have liked when you shot them. Have a LOT of extra memory and batteries and shoot a gazzillion pictures. You are bound to get enough good shots to make an album that you will be satisfied with.

My dear angelsaboveme,

This whole thread got me so curious, I tried to find the pictures from my first wedding, my only church wedding. But after fifteen years of marriage and a nasty divorce, my ex had apparently decided not to keep the reminders. Other than my boss's daughter, the daughter of a co-worker, the daughter of a hunting buddy and the youngest daughter of my second wife's sister, I haven't been to any formal church weddings. But I have been to a LOT of weddings in wedding chapels, courthouses, one in a jail, a couple in "night clubs" (bars), a paddle-wheel boat (without the paddle wheel), a "scenic" cow pasture and various state or municipal gardens. At almost every one of those weddings, I was the photographer or an assistant, just because I owned a camera and made the mistake of attending. Thank heaven, at one wedding at least, my (now ex) daughter-in-law showed up and took some pretty good pictures. My efforts at several of the other weddings provided solid assurance that I would not be among the celebrants' closest circle of acquaintances.

My point is that there are all kinds of weddings. If you own a bridge camera, and you are asked to be the official photographer at the trailer park recreation and bingo hall, go ahead and have some fun. It'll be great to have shots of the bride's father walking her down the aisle in a tux coat, white shirt, black tie, shorts and sneakers - or a golf shirt and leisure suit. Don't forget the shots of the beer cooler and the half-sheet cake. But, until you get some practice, you might want to stay away from cathedrals, wedding estates and the Rose Garden.

If you think members are being nasty to you by advising that you bow out or get yourself arrested to avoid the gig, you have no idea how mean the bride's mother is going to be if your pictures are anything short of Magnum caliber. You may think that Annie Girl is an arrogant jerk for advising you to run for the next county. Don't be fooled! Right now, she (and others like her) are the best friends you have!