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Some Sunday Morning Church Bulletins
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Apr 14, 2024 18:52:31   #
PAR4DCR Loc: A Sunny Place
 


Don

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Apr 15, 2024 08:33:21   #
theaverlo Loc: Iowa
 

Reply
Apr 15, 2024 08:37:23   #
Bridges Loc: Memphis, Charleston SC, now Nazareth PA
 
FrumCA wrote:
Enjoy!!


> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> --------------------------
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> --------------------------
> The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
> --------------------------
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
> --------------------------
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> --------------------------
> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> --------------------------
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
> --------------------------
> Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
> --------------------------
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> --------------------------
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
> --------------------------
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> --------------------------
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> --------------------------
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
> --------------------------
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
> --------------------------
> Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
> --------------------------
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> --------------------------
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> --------------------------
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
> --------------------------
> The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
> --------------------------
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
> --------------------------
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> --------------------------
> And this one just about sums them all up. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Enjoy!! img src="https://static.uglyhedgehog.com/... (show quote)


This one is my favorite -- totally hilarious! The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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Apr 15, 2024 08:42:28   #
NJFrank Loc: New Jersey
 
Longshadow wrote:



Reply
Apr 15, 2024 13:54:42   #
AirWalter Loc: Tipp City, Ohio
 
FrumCA wrote:
Enjoy!!


> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> --------------------------
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> --------------------------
> The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
> --------------------------
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
> --------------------------
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> --------------------------
> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> --------------------------
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
> --------------------------
> Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
> --------------------------
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> --------------------------
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
> --------------------------
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> --------------------------
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> --------------------------
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
> --------------------------
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
> --------------------------
> Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
> --------------------------
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> --------------------------
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> --------------------------
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
> --------------------------
> The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
> --------------------------
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
> --------------------------
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> --------------------------
> And this one just about sums them all up. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Enjoy!! img src="https://static.uglyhedgehog.com/... (show quote)


These are comical.



Reply
Apr 15, 2024 14:16:07   #
scoundrel Loc: Wytheville VA
 
As a former church newsletter/writer myself, I consider myself lucky that I never made any boners of this magnitude. About the best/worst mistake that made it to publication made was typing "Jesus Chrust." I heard about it the next Communion service, when the pastor broke the ceremonial loaf of Communion bread and called it the "Jesus Crust."

Reply
Apr 15, 2024 15:49:57   #
bobmcculloch Loc: NYC, NY
 

Reply
 
 
Apr 15, 2024 19:12:09   #
nervous2 Loc: Provo, Utah
 
I don't usually laugh out loud as I sit alone in front of my computer. In this instance, however, I made an exception.

Reply
Apr 17, 2024 13:28:04   #
Mduffy910 Loc: Michigan
 
FrumCA wrote:
Enjoy!!


> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> --------------------------
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> --------------------------
> The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
> --------------------------
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
> --------------------------
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> --------------------------
> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> --------------------------
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
> --------------------------
> Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
> --------------------------
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> --------------------------
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
> --------------------------
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> --------------------------
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> --------------------------
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
> --------------------------
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
> --------------------------
> Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
> --------------------------
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> --------------------------
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> --------------------------
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
> --------------------------
> The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
> --------------------------
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
> --------------------------
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> --------------------------
> And this one just about sums them all up. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Enjoy!! img src="https://static.uglyhedgehog.com/... (show quote)


Omg lmao! 🤣😂🤣😂

Reply
Apr 17, 2024 15:58:41   #
gener202002
 
whatdat wrote:
Looks like there was not a lot of proofreading going on. :-)



Or maybe there was, but the committee wanted the members entertained so that they would keep coming to church. I bet the ladies in the basement enticed some of the men to keep coming.

Reply
Apr 17, 2024 16:03:31   #
jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY
 
Funny. I wonder if any of them were written with humor in mind. That would get people discussing the event.

Reply
 
 
Apr 18, 2024 04:06:14   #
RiJoRi Loc: Sandy Ridge, NC
 
Gee! I finally found one myself! And from my own church!

*Choir Practice for 11 AM Worship:

Sunday, April 21, 4 PM

😲

A little too late, don'cha think?

Reply
Apr 18, 2024 11:02:44   #
scoundrel Loc: Wytheville VA
 
RiJoRi wrote:
*Choir Practice for 11 AM Worship:

Sunday, April 21, 4 PM

😲

A little too late, don'cha think?


Not if the choir is practicing for next week's (or another future) service. What is even funnier is that a lot of church choirs have members who don't read music well.

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