Cottage Etiquette (Page 2): If these people are close relatives there is no reason to walk on eggshells. Starting with the children I would take charge and tell them that their...

dennis2146 Loc: Eastern Idaho

If these people are close relatives there is no reason to walk on eggshells. Starting with the children I would take charge and tell them that their behavior might be acceptable in their home but is not acceptable in your home. Then ask them to not run wild (you don't mention what they did specifically). Telling them this in front of their parents should get their attention too. It is your house and you have a right to what goes on there.

Dennis

dennis2146 Loc: Eastern Idaho

If these people are close relatives there is no reason to walk on eggshells. Starting with the children I would take charge and tell them that their behavior might be acceptable in their home but is not acceptable in your home. Then ask them to not run wild (you don't mention what they did specifically). Telling them this in front of their parents should get their attention too. It is your house and you have a right to what goes on there.

Dennis

Indi Loc: L. I., NY, Palm Beach Cty when it's cold.

Grin and bear it!
I have a spinster aunt like that and my daughter in law follows that path very closely.
I do things around my D-I-L’s house like repairs when we go there to babysit, but I won’t volunteer to help her personally with any other thing physical.
If she won’t lift a finger to help in our house after an occasion, I won’t either.
The spinster aunt is now in assisted living so she’s in the ‘too old’ category that Jerry mentioned. Glad she’s no longer a problem. Oh, and I was the one who had to chauffeur her back and forth to her house in Brooklyn, from Queens, after all major occasions like Christmas, Easter, etc.

suntouched Loc: Sierra Vista AZ

Good question!
I gently teach my grandkids manners and safety when they visit with me. Please, thank you, can I, eat at the table, the furniture isn't to jump on, take your shoes off, look before you cross the street (can't believe they just step out without looking!) - little things their parents don't seem to teach them. It requires consistency on my part and yes sometimes it would be easier to let it slide but then they follow through! When close relatives visit for the weekend I just reconcile myself that everything is going to be a mess and chaotic for the duration. And it is and it's ok- for the short term.

Kraken Loc: Barry's Bay

I know if I push it my daughter will cut off all ties. She already said that she is not coming back again but by the end of the day things calmed down. This last visit only cost me a windshield for my car and it was the youngest, the spoiled brat the red head. Oh well.

Harry0 Loc: Gardena, Cal

Ah yes. The "Disney" phenomenon. Nothing to do with Disney, BTW. Just here.
They may follow some rules at home. Gambling on how much they can get away with, and the adults' mood when they get caught. Get away with "it" 9 out of 10 times = winning.
They may follow some rules at school. More defined structure and peer pressure go a long way.
Then they goto the store. The mall. The fair. The park. Your house. Play time! No matter what they do, they can go home afterwards and leave the carnage and consequences behind. Their adults don't "see" it because they were busy visiting. "They're just playing. It's not so bad. There's people for that."

Get off the eggshells. Get their folks involved in fixing things. A little snark helps- "Is there medication for that?" "What does his therapist say?"
We took turns being the "bad" guy, tho mostly me. She'd intercede while still getting the adults to help.
I still liked "You guys be good! Your uncle and his friends will make fun of you!"

Kraken Loc: Barry's Bay

The Fathers answer to all this was " Boy's will be boys " and that was it, the redhead received no discipline except go say your sorry to Grandpa.

suntouched Loc: Sierra Vista AZ

Kraken wrote:

The Fathers answer to all this was " Boy's will be boys " and that was it, the redhead received no discipline except go say your sorry to Grandpa.

Maybe you should have sent the repair bill to the kid's father. Even if you never got reimbursed it would have sent a strong message.

I remember visiting my parents when my kids were young. My kids were only sporadically well disciplined and they were all boys- active, noisy, affectionate. However they did not destroy anything. My father never liked kids much I think. My mother went out of her way to interact with them. My father was annoyed the whole visit. He was of a mind that "kids should be seen and not heard". He was very rigid about his routine- dinner at 5, news on from 5-6pm and everyone had to be quiet, etc etc. Needless to say visits were tense. This went on for years. So one visit I just got up and announced I was leaving- I had had enough. From that point on I stayed at my sister's house and only visited for short periods with my parents. I know it hurt my mother but it was best for all of us- especially my father. Some things just can't be resolved to everyone's liking. Good luck.

Unclehoss

My wife and I set rules for our household. We enforced them no matter who the children were that came over. As the kids grew they knew the rules at Uncle Hoss's house were different than at their own house tore it up at home but not when they visited.

Murray Loc: New Westminster

How old are they? The approach may vary with age.

Kraken Loc: Barry's Bay

Murray wrote:

How old are they? The approach may vary with age.

16, 14, 12. The 12 year old is the problem and I blame my daughter and her husband for spoiling him. I swear the 12 year old runs the house. My wife and I just shake our heads when we see what he gets away with. He is a sneak and a out right liar. We don't blame the kid we blame the parents.

Murray Loc: New Westminster

I understand. Speaking only for myself, I would tell the parents that we will not meet again until they are able to ensure the kids behave. We have a similar situation in our family, and the isolation is acceptable for now.

sirlensalot Loc: Arizona

If you have rules or expectations, they should be the same for everyone. If not the problem may be the host? lol

Kraken Loc: Barry's Bay

sirlensalot wrote:

If you have rules or expectations, they should be the same for everyone. If not the problem may be the host? lol

The rules were laid out numerous times but as soon as you turn your back the youngest one believes the rules don't apply to him. You can tell when he is going to do something he is not supposed to do because he always looks up to the deck to see if anyone is watching. I can't be watching all the time and his mother and father are too busy with their Iphones.

G Brown Loc: Sunny Bognor Regis West Sussex UK

Kraken wrote:

What ever happened to that? You don't have to invite friends and distant family back when they misbehave but what do you do with close relatives that totally act like morons, don't help with anything, let their kids run wild. We both believe we set a good example as our kids grew up but nothing seems to have taken. The whole weekend was tense and we had to walk on eggshells the whole week end. Any suggestions?

Just tell them you are on holiday that weekend!
Have a clear out....excess beds and chairs....change bedrooms into 'art studio' or 'zen meditation room'. sorry no bedrooms for anyone else!
Put your favourite music on LOUD ALL THE TIME...cause you're going deaf!
Suggest that 'They' take you out for all meals etc (at their expense)