NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

Why I Like Retirement !

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday


Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:
Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.


Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question : What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune
to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!

UTMike Loc: South Jordan, UT

You nailed it, Frank!

Rodledge Loc: Alabama

Truth hurts!

ChuckMc Loc: Prescott, AZ

I have to disagree w/this list RE retirement. A friend asked me to help her research some issues for a paper, and I'm going to have to turn her down as I'm buried and can't get to all the things I need to do. That includes learning PE20 and then PP over 4,000 pictures and writing a book RE Arab behavior motivations.
Chuck

NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

Yup and loving every day.

NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

Nah no pain involved at all.

NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

Nothing wrong with being busy in retirement. The difference is these are the things I think you want to do to stay active. When I retired I figured I could be a couch potato or do something about staying in shape. So part of my daily routine is to be sure to get some activity at the gym. One of my former co-workers to who I saw said your the only person I know who retired and lost weight.

boberic Loc: Quiet Corner, Connecticut. Ex long Islander

I was forced to retire as a result of an injury. I was fortunate to love what I did, and wish I was still doing it.

NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

Sorry to hear that. I hope you were able to find something to do to fill the void.

CindyHouk Loc: Nw MT

11 days short of a full year into retirement for us...loving it and I am sharing this is sooooo true!!

NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

Please share it. It was originally sent to me from one my HS classmate.

JoAnneK01 Loc: Lahaina, Hawaii

Read this before but I still get a great laugh from it. Mahalo for sharing.

NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

You read this before, since we have been around long enough to have seen it all. Glad it got a laugh out of you.

melismus Loc: Chesapeake Bay Country

I'm with you, Chuck. I am almost 92, busy every day, and know I'll not have time to get it all done.

jhkfly

The Chairman of the Board of General Motors (Canada) retired at the age of one hundred nine. A year later, on his death bed, he was quoted as saying "I never should have retired!"

I have known of many people, some acquaintances, one my father-in-law, who, after several decades of dedicated service and reaching "high rank" in their chosen professions, died within two years of retirement, having been healthly and physically fit all their lives.

From this I've drawn a not unreasonable conclusion: when one's mind no longer has a purpose, a specific goal, and a commitment to achieve it, one's body is no longer needed, and rapidly deteriorates.