Barr finds no whales in moby dick
May 21, 2019 08:14:15 #
thom w
Loc: San Jose, CA
Satire from The Borowitz Report
William Barr Reads “Moby-Dick,” Finds No Evidence of Whales
By Andy BorowitzMarch 26, 2019
Photograph by Alex Wroblewski / Bloomberg / Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Attorney General William Barr has just read the classic American novel “Moby-Dick,” by Herman Melville, and found that the book contains “no evidence whatsoever of whales,” Barr stated on Tuesday.
The Attorney General issued his statement on the absence of whales in the Melville classic in a two-paragraph book report released to the news media.
“Those who read ‘Moby-Dick’ looking for whales will be sorely disappointed,” Barr wrote. “There are no whales here.”
To illustrate his point, Barr quoted the book’s first sentence: “Call me Ishmael.”
“As you can clearly see, that sentence does not have a whale in it,” Barr wrote.
The Attorney General indicated that he hoped his report would put an end to “reckless speculation” about the existence of whales in “Moby-Dick.” “It’s time to move on,” he wrote.
Barr disclosed that, after waiting years to read “Moby-Dick,” he was able to finish reading it in approximately fifteen minutes.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.Read more »
More:HumorSatire
William Barr Reads “Moby-Dick,” Finds No Evidence of Whales
By Andy BorowitzMarch 26, 2019
Photograph by Alex Wroblewski / Bloomberg / Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Attorney General William Barr has just read the classic American novel “Moby-Dick,” by Herman Melville, and found that the book contains “no evidence whatsoever of whales,” Barr stated on Tuesday.
The Attorney General issued his statement on the absence of whales in the Melville classic in a two-paragraph book report released to the news media.
“Those who read ‘Moby-Dick’ looking for whales will be sorely disappointed,” Barr wrote. “There are no whales here.”
To illustrate his point, Barr quoted the book’s first sentence: “Call me Ishmael.”
“As you can clearly see, that sentence does not have a whale in it,” Barr wrote.
The Attorney General indicated that he hoped his report would put an end to “reckless speculation” about the existence of whales in “Moby-Dick.” “It’s time to move on,” he wrote.
Barr disclosed that, after waiting years to read “Moby-Dick,” he was able to finish reading it in approximately fifteen minutes.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.Read more »
More:HumorSatire
May 21, 2019 08:43:50 #
May 21, 2019 08:47:04 #
May 21, 2019 08:50:18 #
Blurryeyed wrote:
Keep Whining..... Sore Losers.
No one is whining.
Remain serious in your zeal to defend.
May 21, 2019 08:57:31 #
Kmgw9v wrote:
No one is whining.
Remain serious in your zeal to defend.
Remain serious in your zeal to defend.
LOL.... As if the dems are not remaining serious in their zeal to destroy the president of the United States..... I guess you guys never see your own side for what it is.
May 21, 2019 09:01:13 #
It never fails to amaze me how the Trump supporters are willing to throw the Constitution under the bus to defend a miscreant wannabe dictator.
Yesterday one Republican came out and said that Trump should be impeached and the rest of the GOP immediately attacked him.
Has Trump destroyed the Republican party forever or will they somehow come to their senses?
Yesterday one Republican came out and said that Trump should be impeached and the rest of the GOP immediately attacked him.
Has Trump destroyed the Republican party forever or will they somehow come to their senses?
May 21, 2019 09:02:31 #
Frank T wrote:
It never fails to amaze me how the Trump supporters are willing to throw the Constitution under the bus to defend a miscreant wannabe dictator.
Yesterday one Republican came out and said that Trump should be impeached and the rest of the GOP immediately attacked him.
Has Trump destroyed the Republican party forever or will they somehow come to their senses?
Yesterday one Republican came out and said that Trump should be impeached and the rest of the GOP immediately attacked him.
Has Trump destroyed the Republican party forever or will they somehow come to their senses?
WTF do you know about the constitution Frank? Seriously.
May 21, 2019 09:06:34 #
Frank T wrote:
It never fails to amaze me how the Trump supporters are willing to throw the Constitution under the bus to defend a miscreant wannabe dictator.
Yesterday one Republican came out and said that Trump should be impeached and the rest of the GOP immediately attacked him.
Has Trump destroyed the Republican party forever or will they somehow come to their senses?
Yesterday one Republican came out and said that Trump should be impeached and the rest of the GOP immediately attacked him.
Has Trump destroyed the Republican party forever or will they somehow come to their senses?
Frank here you are, one of the ones supporting the Left who wants to take away our First Amendment rights, our Second Amendment rights and our 4th Amendment rights. Yet you seem to find fault with President Trump, saying he is a dictator and is throwing the Constitution under the bus. What, specifically, has Trump done to do or say anything that takes your rights away under the Constitution. I keep hearing you Left Wingers say that yet there is nothing substantial that is ever said, just another accusation against Trump. Proof Frank, we need proof or at least tell us what you THINK Trump is doing.
Have a wonderful day my BFF,
Dennis
May 21, 2019 09:06:46 #
Blurryeyed wrote:
WTF do you know about the constitution Frank? Seriously.
I don’t know Frank, but I would guess that he knows more about the Constitution than does Trump.
Nothing serious— just a guess.
May 21, 2019 09:28:03 #
Blurryeyed wrote:
WTF do you know about the constitution Frank? Seriously.
Seriously? You must be kidding.
Yes, I know a lot about the Constitution.
Yes, I know more than Trump.
No, I will not give you my resume on this site.
Now go play with your legos.
May 21, 2019 09:29:42 #
May 21, 2019 09:30:33 #
LWW
Loc: Banana Republic of America
Frank T wrote:
Seriously? You must be kidding.
Yes, I know a lot about the Constitution.
Yes, I know more than Trump.
No, I will not give you my resume on this site.
Now go play with your legos.
Yes, I know a lot about the Constitution.
Yes, I know more than Trump.
No, I will not give you my resume on this site.
Now go play with your legos.
No, you don't Frankie ... be honest. You can't grow up yo be a big boy unless you are honest.
May 21, 2019 09:38:17 #
LWW wrote:
And yet you continue to do so.
The original post brought to light a simple satire that warranted comment.
There was no whining. We all should comment—to put it simply, that is free speech.
To mischaracterize a comment as “whining” serves no purpose.
May 21, 2019 09:40:11 #
Frank T wrote:
It never fails to amaze me how the Trump supporters are willing to throw the Constitution under the bus to defend a miscreant wannabe dictator.
Yesterday one Republican came out and said that Trump should be impeached and the rest of the GOP immediately attacked him.
Has Trump destroyed the Republican party forever or will they somehow come to their senses?
Yesterday one Republican came out and said that Trump should be impeached and the rest of the GOP immediately attacked him.
Has Trump destroyed the Republican party forever or will they somehow come to their senses?
More empty words from a hollow mind.
May 21, 2019 09:45:48 #
Kmgw9v wrote:
The original post brought to light a simple satire that warranted comment.
There was no whining. We all should comment—to put it simply, that is free speech.
To mischaracterize a comment as “whining” serves no purpose.
There was no whining. We all should comment—to put it simply, that is free speech.
To mischaracterize a comment as “whining” serves no purpose.
We are also free to speak and stating it has no purpose other than slandering the opposition, as that is all you know how to do.
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.