junglejim1949 Loc: Sacramento,CA

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE
This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.
Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a five-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME:
If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild Man.

EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these item

ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor .... and to the men who will enjoy reading.

DeeAndre Loc: Boyertown PA

So true!

dancers Loc: melbourne.victoria, australia

the only thing of mine in the bathroom is my toothbrush.

Rec36 Loc: Grifton,NC

True but I am still in the dog house for the “Talking”, oh well.....

NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

Wow, spot on.

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

DavidSells Loc: Ferndale, MD

You hit it on the nail with the EATING OUT. You didn't mention that women will also want separate checks.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

Exactly!

Jolly Roger Loc: Dorset. UK

aphelps Loc: Central Ohio

That's an indication they can't or won't do the math.

EdJ0307 Loc: out west someplace

I find it disturbing that there is no toilet paper in the bathroom. I guess he can use the towel but that is just as disturbing.

kdogg Loc: Gallipolis Ferry WV

Wide mouth Mason jar and denture cleaning tabs
Towel and wash cloth (doubles as a comb)
Razor
Bar of soap (doubles as shaving cream)
I'm happy!

Earnest Botello Loc: Hockley, Texas

Without a doubt, all are truisms.

Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil

Nah... He could have a Toto or, like me, a bidet hence the towel will suffice.

Edit: BTW, THAT'S my life. The only thing I hate is shaving because my beard is
hard and full, i.e., hard to grow and full of defects.

DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

Inflation has driven the cost of underwear up. When I was farming I had four pair of steel toe boots. One for dress. The other three got cycled through the week, which allowed them 2 days to dry out. Not always long enough.



But not always such a choice in growing hair on top of your head.