Hey, giving the liberals a break and having a smile instead of a headache, here is my joke for the day.

A possum is a flat animal that
sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

Jawl-P? means,
Did you all go
to the bathroom?

People actually grow,eat and like okra.

Fixinto is one word. It means
"I'm going to do that."

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

Ya'll is singular.
All ya'll is plural.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You carry jumper cables in your car -for your OWN car.
[Why else would you carry them?]

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.

[Everyone knows that ketchup is a vegetable.

The other spice is bar-b-que sauce.]

The local papers cover national and international news on one page,
but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.

[Don't forgit the obits]

Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or
Mr.(first name)

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
[In NC the first day of bear season IS a state holiday]

You know what a hissy fit is..
[And you know how to pitch one]

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed.
If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.

And, in Pennsylvania, 'You-ins' means you and your wife.

Sarge69