sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

Hey, giving the liberals a break and having a smile instead of a headache, here is my joke for the day.

A possum is a flat animal that
sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

Jawl-P? means,
Did you all go
to the bathroom?

People actually grow,eat and like okra.

Fixinto is one word. It means
"I'm going to do that."

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

Ya'll is singular.
All ya'll is plural.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You carry jumper cables in your car -for your OWN car.
[Why else would you carry them?]

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.

[Everyone knows that ketchup is a vegetable.

The other spice is bar-b-que sauce.]

The local papers cover national and international news on one page,
but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.

[Don't forgit the obits]

Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or
Mr.(first name)

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
[In NC the first day of bear season IS a state holiday]

You know what a hissy fit is..
[And you know how to pitch one]

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed.
If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.

And, in Pennsylvania, 'You-ins' means you and your wife.

Sarge69

Jambulee Loc: San Antonio del Mar,Tijuana,Mex

very funny

Ched49 Loc: Pittsburgh, Pa.

Good one Sarge, in South West Pa. you-ins' is pronounced yinz.

TrainNut Loc: Ridin' the rails

That is so funny. :lol: :thumbup:

Popeye Loc: LifIno

Yep, I've tripped over the Mason Dixon line a few times and yes, I can understand the jokes.

SHLeM52 Loc: Jacksonville, FL

I've been living in the South almost 40 years now, and you were off on one thing Sarge.
There 2 other animals that are flat and live in the middle of the road. There's the Sailcoon, which can double as a frisbee, and his armored cousin the pancake armidillo. Both of which can be used as the primary meat in Roadkill Stew.
S

Singing Swan

All of these things are true. Promise.

Michael Hartley Loc: Deer Capital of Georgia

.............

TrainNut Loc: Ridin' the rails

"Roadkill Stew"
I have seen some good recipes depending on what is available. :wink: :thumbup:

Blurryeyed Loc: NC Mountains.

LOL Love it! All so very true. My niece and nephew both were born and raised in the Appalachian mountains and between North Florida and those mountains.... I have experienced all this and more.

sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

Now ain't this better than yelling and screamin at each other and calling names?

Sarge69
You-ins er getting better

SHLeM52 Loc: Jacksonville, FL

My feelings eggs-ackley Sarge!!

wireman8 Loc: Toledo, Ohio

Amen Sarge, that's a big ten four good buddy.

venturer9 Loc: Newton, Il.

Wendy Bagwell said his daddy told him " son, never eat roadkill lessen you killed it yourself..."

Mike

SteveR Loc: Michigan

Drivin' the back roads of east Texas, hitting armadillos was unavoidable. I'd always rate them on their roll in my rear view mirror.