handgunner Loc: Windsor Locks, Connecticut

I got prompted to start this thread from another one I was in this morning.
If you spare the rod will it spoil or "hurt" the child. I am using the quotation marks loosely.
I remember as a young boy my mother reprimanding me with a plastic fly swatter. In it's many uses bringing me around to her point of view the paddle part fell off and all that was left was a hollow tube. I can still hear it whistling throught he air. It did not leave any marks but quickly changed my behaviour rather quickly.
I turned out ok and I hope you all did too.
Any feed back???

Hankwt Loc: kingsville ontario

I believe we coddle our kids too much these days, I have a nephew who was never allowed to do the things most kids do in case he got hurt, never got to be a teen - like go to movies, dances hang with friends because he may be exposed to bad influences. Now in his first year of college he cant survive - no social skills , no instincts. I feel bad for the kid the parents didnt prepare him for life with their protection etc. and they wonder why he struggles

Murray Loc: New Westminster

My mom used a ping pong paddle...busted the handle off, burst out laughing - end of punishment.

handgunner Loc: Windsor Locks, Connecticut

My father was yelling at us and his false teeth came flying out.... same ending. LOL :-D

TucsonCoyote Loc: Tucson AZ

It's hard to tell if beating the hell out of your kid is going to prevent it from becoming a serial murderer or not!
I think "the village" raises your kids these days....see how that is working! :roll:

handgunner Loc: Windsor Locks, Connecticut

I have a nephew like that. Has everything handed to him. When he comes to our house... I don't like this... I don't like that... Well, You had better start liking something because that's what we are having!

handgunner Loc: Windsor Locks, Connecticut

Let's not turn this into a President thing. Kenya raised our village idiot.

al davis Loc: chesterfield virginia

I was raised in a large family a very large family.My dad was a 33 year marine and mom a Catholic.Discipline as a child was swift and certain from both parents when ever we deserved it.At times as a child we all thought what was that for or I did not deserve that.Well do we doubt our parents today as we look back on our upbringing I don't.With 11 sisters and 3 brothers none of us have police records or have ever been in any trouble.I can't say that for my nephews or nieces.I contribute to that the discipline and family falues and love my parents raised all of us with.My parents are both in there late 70s and I thank them every day for the upbringing.My parents never beat the hell out of us but were strong disciplinariens.As we got older they would just take things from us like our cars or a date we were planing.There are ways to discipline with out a hand or an object but a spanking sure does get your attention and teaches respect.I raised my 4 children with the same beliefs and now that they are all grown up have turned out just fine .My 2 boys are in the military one Marines the other Navy.My two daughters One a nurse and the other a hair dresser.In most cases I believe that love and discipline work togeather hand them everything and spoil them teaches them none of lifes lessons only to come back for more.Thank you handgunner for the thread.sorry for the double post. :roll: :thumbup: :-D :-D

al davis Loc: chesterfield virginia

I was raised in a large family a very large family.My dad was a 33 year marine and mom a Catholic.Discipline as a child was swift and certain from both parents when ever we deserved it.At times as a child we all thought what was that for or I did not deserve that.Well do we doubt our parents today as we look back on our upbringing I don't.With 11 sisters and 3 brothers none of us have police records or have ever been in any trouble.I can't say that for my nephews or nieces.I contribute to that the discipline and family falues and love my parents raised all of us with.My parents are both in there late 70s and I thank them every day for the upbringing.My parents never beat the hell out of us but were strong disciplinariens.As we got older they would just take things from us like our cars or a date we were planing.There are ways to discipline with out a hand or an object but a spanking sure does get your attention and teaches respect.I raised my 4 children with the same beliefs and now that they are all grown up have turned out just fine .My 2 boys are in the military one Marines the other Navy.My two daughters One a nurse and the other a hair dresser.In most cases I believe that love and discipline work togeather hand them everything and spoil them teaches them none of lifes lessons only to come back for more.Thank you handgunner for the thread.

marcomarks Loc: Ft. Myers, FL

I was mostly threatened with being spanked by "your Father when he gets home from work." But it only actually ever happened once or twice that I remember. I think my mother may have spanked my bottom by hand when I was about 3 but I barely remember it.

I have a 3 year old now and although I don't want to spank and try to talk him out of bad behavior that he knows is wrong, sometimes he's so totally rebellious, and doing the exact opposite of what I tell him on purpose, that I kind of yell at him with a stern voice and smack his diaper so it makes a noise but I don't typically hit his skin. I'd rather shock his emotions with a spank action rather than hurt him physically. I don't believe physical pain is justified or deserved for any child.

I attempted to hit his diaper with my palm as usual two weeks ago and missed so that I smacked his leg and it turned red so I knew it stung him and of course he cried pitifully.

I just can't stand causing him to cry by punishing him like that and it's like somebody is sticking a knife into my heart when it happens. I try to balance the diaper smack noise, or in that one case his stinging leg, by telling him the only reason was because he was a very bad boy. Then I pick him up and hold him, talk low to him about how it will be better in a couple minutes, and stroke his back while he cries, which he has now learned to dramatize immensely.

I minored in psychology in college and learned that kids test parents on purpose to see what reactions they can get. Not to be bad but to find a central point where they can learn the difference between good and bad, yes and no, negative and positive, etc. They need to know what's good for them and what's dangerous for them. Kids also develop what one method of psychology calls a "Little Wizard" that derives pleasure from combining previous experiences and reactions to "get" the parent and manipulate the parent into gratifying the child's wishes. For example, little girls learn exactly what "tricks" to use on Daddy with looking up at him and blinking her eyes and being overly cuddly and she gets what she wants. My son looks up at either of us from the floor and cocks his head to one side and changes his eye expression and it always works. These tricks continue into "let me borrow the car, Dad" and then onto their chosen spouses later on. But they all come from their infant and toddler "Little Wizard" that they created to gain control. Little Wizard isn't always nice or good though, sometimes they're mean or rebellious so parents must use some form of discipline to adjust what the child is developing.

A kid can't be allowed to throw the front door open and run straight out into the street to get hit by a vehicle. You can't trust them not to do so because they don't have any experiences to make a common sense decision on. You must instill parameters of what is good and what is bad so they stay in those parameters and unfortunately sometimes it takes "disciplinary" action. I use this example because my son took off down the driveway toward the road and almost got there before we caught him. Our road is mostly an untraveled side street but he doesn't know that. So after catching him, I dragged him kicking and screaming back up the driveway halfway, spanked his diaper twice, and took him with both arms back into the house while talking sternly to him so he knew I was mad about his actions. Apparently it worked because he's never done that again and is pretty well trustworthy to be around the yard although we still watch him carefully.

I was at a home last Sunday where the parents have a 6 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. The mother specifically told me they don't believe in spanking, discipline, or any of that. The only reason she would have told me that was because her 3 year old was running all over doing anything he wanted, almost knocking down my light stands, and running the TV with the sound at 100%. For the pleasure of being able to say they use no discipline, she had to explain why her kid was running nuts everywhere. Their method was to say, "Okay, now that's enough. I'm going to count to 3 and you know what that means. 1... 2..." and never get to 3. Unfortunately, the kid does NOT know what that means because there is no discipline or spanking at 3. So what good is that? If there's nothing to fear, how can the 1-2-3 achieve anything? It didn't. 30 seconds later the kid was doing the same thing again.

So, in a way, I believe in discipline of some sort but prefer it to be an intelligent form of discipline or taking away of some right, instead of beating with a rod, limb, paddle, etc. I'm still learning at this point but it seems that every kid has a different personality that is more or less sensitive than another. A loud yell at one kid might be enough to stop them in their tracks but it may require a smack or two to the diaper with a different kid.

Avoiding all discipline has been proven over and over to ruin the child by studies done after pacifist doctors encouraged it back in the 60's and 70's. It don't work.

tramsey Loc: Texas

All I have to say to parents who don't want to discipline their children and it starts with a spanking at a young age is take a look at what is happening to our youth today. The noted author and guru of parenting, Dr. Spock didn't have much luck with his type of discipline on his own son. A spanking is not a beating.

Marcomarks I just read your post and it's laughable. Both what the little boy was doing and how you would have disciplined him. By reasoning with him.. LOL that tells me you have never tried to reason with a three year old that is busy tearing the house apart. That is exactly what I am talking about.

handgunner Loc: Windsor Locks, Connecticut

Amen

SmittyOne Loc: California

My mother believed that all children (5 of us) should be raised from the bottom up! Yep. And it worked. I raised my son that way (his mother was a mental patient, and he had to learn too much way too early. Made him a much stronger man though. He retired at age 45. I had to wait until I was 62 to retire. Guess he didn't raise me right. Ha.

Mom would whack us when we got out of line, and the line was very clearly demarcated! We knew EXACTLY where it was, and a toenail across it got trimmed very quickly. My three brothers turned out quite well, sis too, me we aren't to sure about yet. Ha. Mom and dad are both on the other side, and I really miss them.

Discipline is not abuse. Punishment for transgressions is not abuse.

tramsey Loc: Texas

My dad carried a jack knife that his father had and on down the line. Whenever I did something wrong he would hand it to me and tell me to go out and cut a branch. We had an old willow tree out back that was hit by lighting and all it had was twigs growing out of the stump. It didn't make any difference if I cut a little skinny one or a big fat one, they all hurt. I hated the little skinny ones the most though, because you could hear them coming. I arrived at retirement OK :)

When I raised my kids, three of them, I spanked them once all together for something they had all done together. Then I took an old belt and folded it up and told them if they mess up again they would get this. I slapped the door with it and shook it at them. All three of them looked at me with little pale faces and huge eyes. I put it away in a drawer with a bunch of mixing spoons, that made a lot of noise when you opened it. All it took was for me to rattle that drawer and things got straightened out very quickly. It stopped arguments, cleaned up rooms, carried out garbage and a few other chores. I never would've used it. That would be beating and not a spanking, not discipline. They have all grown up, have a family of their own and are successful. None have had any trouble with the law or teachers.

marcomarks Loc: Ft. Myers, FL

I'm not sure what you're reading from what I posted but I said I DO spank when mine is being rebellious or doing something wrong that he has been told is wrong. I tell him why he's going to get spanked and allow him some room to make the decision to stop what he's doing wrong before I spank - but I said nothing about reasoning with him. I look at children as being miniature adults who haven't got much experience yet - not see them as mindless idiots.

It happened again tonight. My son was holding the refrigerator door wide open and I told him to close it. He purposely stood there looking straight at me over in the living room defiantly and continued holding it open. I repeated two more times about a minute apart to shut it. The next time, I said close the refrigerator or you're going to get spanked. He still kept it open. I gave him room to make a good decision and he intentionally didn't. So, I went over and took his hand off the door and smacked his diaper loudly then slammed it closed myself. He then collapsed in a pile on the floor and put on a show for about 10 minutes with no sympathy from either of us. He laid out the scenario and I ended it. There was no reason to beat him with a tree branch or a belt over it. I'm apparently not like you and your Father.

The only little boy described in my post as doing something wrong and being reasoned with was the son of some OTHER people I visited. I did not say their 1-2-3 method with no punishment works. I said it can't work. I also referred to the failure of the Dr. Spock method without using his name because there were others who tried to clone the "no discipline" method but Spock was the most known. He later admitted he was completely wrong.

I knew a couple who used the Spock method on their kids. When they had three kids, they came to my house and the kids literally were climbing to the top of our TV and also up our curtains which hung from rods that I was surprised would handle the weight of 35 pound children. One was chasing our cat with a stick and trying to hit it in the head while laughing crazy. I started asking the parents to stop the kids from destroying our home. They talked about Dr. Spock and said they didn't discipline their kids so they would be able to explore all avenues of life without fear of negativity or some such crap. The parents also decided to both sit in my recliner chair together and their combined weight broke the chair frame. Needless to say, that family was never invited over again and we quickly drifted apart. One of their daughters ended up being a renowned slut in our area by the time she was 12 and another one got into drugs then rehabilitated a couple times and finally got pregnant and lived with them until she was like 25. Their oldest son was binge drinking with friends like he had done many times before when he was 18 and the four drinkers decided to race a 60 mph freight train to an intersection in a Mustang and lost the race, ramming the car into the side of the engine with all of them killed. So you can see what Dr. Spock achieved for that family.

If you want to find my post laughable at least read it correctly first. I can't justify going around slapping down my kid every time he does something I don't like and not letting him know why it's happening or else the discipline is of no value. I see far too much of that with slovenly welfare mothers in K-Mart with squalling kids that have been smacked, shaken, jerked around, spanked, and yelled at for very minor infractions that are just them being curious little kids in a literal candy store of new things to look at. That kind of excess stupid "discipline" is just as bad as having NO discipline at all.