Maybe moving the camera slightly to the left (Rule of Thirds/ Active Passive Space) would add a little drama. Her eyes and the direction in which she is looking might draw the viewer' into the photo.
Google - Posing the female - Back Lighting _ Lighting for the mature woman
Re Shoot & post
The second one really pops, nice one.
bkyser
Loc: Fly over country in Indiana
Your adjustment made a big difference. Much better! I still think you need to learn flash technique. Nothing looks better than that catchlight "twinkle" in her eye. It can be photoshopped in, but it never looks quite as good as a real catchlight.
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