On a crowded train, travelling somewhere in Europe, a U.S. Marine walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat before realizing that the only seat available was currently occupied by a well-dressed,middle-aged French woman's poodle.
The weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat please
The French woman just sniffed, and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire length of the train again, and discovered that the only seat available was in fact the one
currently being occupied by the poodle.
Trudging tiredly back, the marine arrived once more before the French woman and said, “Please Ma'am, may I sit down? I'm very tired?”
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant. Why should I care if you are tired?"
This time, the Marine didn't say a word, but simply picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, then sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone, defend my honor! This American needs to be put in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You hold your fork in the wrong hand, and you drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Eire ,

and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.
One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says,

"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,
"Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don't need your #### lectures."

From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.
Shaking his head, Father Patrick says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."


"Yaa," Sean agrees, then adds, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just
say "BRIDGE CLOSED"?

An Amish woman was pulled over by a Pennsylvania State Trooper for a traffic violation

The trooper said "I'm not going to cite you," said the trooper.

"I just want to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles.

Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector.

He said he would put a new one on immediately.
"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

Thanks will try that
Auto correct does some really weird things on playbook

Does anyone here know how to:
1. Turn off the auto-correct feature built into the Blackberry PlayBook. It doesn't some crazy things and drives me nuts. I have to constantly change unneeded changed it makes all the time.
2. Change the default font to Times New Roman which I am used to. Don't want to have to change it every time I type an email.
Thanks

You missed dweeb and dwindle
And for the Newfies dwife

Here's a novel idea that the government would NEVER go for
Create a website for every lottery
Once a year, January first and on it post where they have spent the money they have taken in
Transparency and honesty seem to be big in their rhetoric so if they truly are they shouldn't have a problem doing that.

But for your own safety, don't hold your breath waiting for them to do it.

Email Funnies

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.

'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'

'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'

'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny.. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'

The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?'

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold, you're slippery, and you have no balls...

You must be a "POLITICIAN"


TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS:

I am sending this only to my smart friends . I could not figure it out. My first thought was wrong and I had to look at the answer.

See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common ?
1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Are you peeking or have you already given up?
Give it another try....Look at each word carefully.
You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.
This is so cool..... No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters........ Answer is below!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer:
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? No? Then send this to more people and stump them as well. Then, you'll feel better too.

No, I didn’t figure it out either.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry... You worry about Conservatives versus Liberals, etc.--relax, here is your real problem.

In a University Classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be Prime Minister of Canada. It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one blonde girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming Prime Minister. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our elections! They breed, and they walk among us... Lord -- we need more help than we thought we did!

They can be used as BEER holders too

Some cat funnies

Cat reader


Bad Kitty


WTF!!!!

I don't own a cell phone but if I did it might be one of these

Cell Phone Ancestors


A Senior's Cell Phone


The Newest I Phone

Woman ho fly upside down have crack up

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying **** YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.