FYI - Happy to say that our local library offers the service to shut-ins of all ages and to local nursing homes and hospitals.

1. Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper
I'm working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said,
"Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile."
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2. Today, I asked my mentor - a very successful business man in his 70' s - what his top 3 tips are for success. He smiled and said,
"Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing."
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3. Today, after my 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the
grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn't recognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said,
"On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center ."
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4. Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died,
he licked the tears off my face.
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5. Today at 7AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went into work. At 3PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got a flat tire. When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too.
A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job. I start tomorrow.
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6. Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother's hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died.
She simply said, "I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often."
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7. Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed. About 5 seconds after he passed,
I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.
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8. Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling. I chuckled and asked, "Why?" She replied, "So you can help me save the planet." I chuckled again and asked, "And why do you want to save the planet?"
Because that's where I keep all my stuff," she said.
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9. Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient
laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter's antics,
I suddenly realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating it again.
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10. Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on
crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me. He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said,
"I hope you feel better soon."
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11. Today, I was feeling down because the results of a biopsy came back malignant. When I got home, I opened an e-mail that said,
"Thinking of you today. If you need me, I'm a phone call away." It was from a high school friend I hadn't seen in 10 years.
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12. Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He said he hadn't eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy. Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he as eating.
The first thing the man said was, "We can share it.

On
the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager
addressed all the new
seniors pointing out some of the rules:

"The female sleeping quarters
will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male
quarters to the
females.

Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the
first time." He continued, "Anybody
caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined
$60. Being caught a
third time will cost you a fine of $180.

Are there any
questions?"

An older gentleman stood up in the crowd and
inquired:

"How much for a season pass

???

You know, this isn't all that far fetched these days....

- - -

Attendant: Welcome aboard U.S. Airways, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, And fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal -- and you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it, it'll probably come in handy later.

Passenger (finally getting suspicious): What for?

Attendant: You may need it later for the lavatory.

Absolutely - - I'm a blooming idiot! You can ask my wife if you don't believe it.

For what it is worth, I spent a couple of years in Turkey a while back. It was not uncommon to see a workman get off of a bus in his suit and tie, walk to the job site, remove his coat and tie, pull on coveralls from his 'lunch bag' and begin working on the ditch he was digging for a water line to the new building on base. For that matter, 60 or 70 years ago it wasn't uncommon to see workmen (common laborers) in the US wearing suits to get to work.

A flat-chested young lady went to a popular surgeon known for "no scars" about enlarging her breasts.

To her shock, Dr. Bosley advised her, "Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!" He guaranteed success and, figuring she had nothing to lose, she did what he told her to do faithfully for several months.

To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said quietly, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

She apparently didn't say it quietly enough, though, since a guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked "Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Bosley?'

"Yes I am," she said, a bit embarrassed. "How did you know?"

He winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock...."

>
> I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus.
>
> Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
> It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1955.
>
> Virus Symptoms:
>
> 1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
> Done that!
>
> 2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!
> That too!
>
> 3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
> Yep!
>
> 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
> Aha!
>
> 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
> Well well!
>
> 6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
> Oh, no not again!
>
> 7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
> And I just hate that!
>
> 8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
> Oh No!
>
> IT'S CALLED
> THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
>
> Have I already sent this to you?

The photographer for a large national newspaper was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough: a plane was warming up near the runway. The photographer jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Go, go, go!"

The pilot nodded and swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.

"Do you mean to say," the pilot asked after a long pause, "that you're not the flight instructor?"

A new report shows that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising health benefits.

Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates.

Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report.

Thirty to 40 pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. And an extra 50 pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold, and reduce global warming.

In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.

"This just goes to show that conventional wisdom is wrong," said a spokeswoman for the study group. "Not to mention the hundreds of studies that came before!"

The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Starbucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme.

I'm pretty sure I stopped and bought gas in one of those pictured. It was along Route 66 in Missouri. Thanks for posting. They bring back memories.

Excellent shots. They convey a slice of the lives in this little community.

I wonder how many of the shots qualify as 'street photography.'

Sounded to me like she doesn't like to clean fish.

An elderly couple were at home watching TV.

Bob had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel

Linda became more and more annoyed and finally said,

"For God's sake, Bob... leave it on the porn channel...

You know how to fish!

Going the rounds.

http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com/2014/07/84-year-old-man-surprises-americas-got.html