If I had said that I would have gotten a bust in the mouth.

Is t he case still AVAILABLE? If it is I would like to buy it. How would you like be paid?

Do you remember Darrell Thompson? He used to work over at the Conoco station in Ash Flat, Arkansas. Darndest thing happened, he went fishin and almost got religion. Seems a friend he knew from the army invited him up to Michigan, way up north. They had a good time together and his friend wanted to take him ice fishing. It seems like it's a tradition up there that you have to go to a tavern and drink beer for about three hours before you go out on the ice.
Old Darrell and his buddy were just finishing up at the tavern, when his buddy got a call from his wife. He had to go home right away.
Darrell had to leave the next day, but he didn't want to miss the ice fishing. Even though it was dark outside, he had all the equipment in his car, so he figured he’d go by himself.
He drove down the road and found a likely lookin’ spot. He carried his stuff out on the ice and then started choppin a hole with a big ice chisel.
Pretty soon he heard a voice say, "You will find no fish beneath the ice."
He looked all around and couldn't see nothing but dark. The wind was blowing and it was mighty cold, but nobody was around. He started choppin again and the voice came back, "You will find no fish beneath the ice."
This really shook him up. He looked all around; he was the only one out there. He started choppin' some more.
The voice came back again, this time it was thunderin loud. "You will find no fish beneath the ice." Then the whole lake lit up just like it was daylight. This scared old Darrell really bad. He dropped down to his knees and put his hands together to pray. He looked up at the sky and said, "Is that you God?"
The voice came back and said, "No. I'm the manager of the ice skating rink."
I don't think old Darrell will ever go back up North.

I received this last year and saved it to share with you all, it is more than worth the time the time to read.
Merry Christmas from my home to yours,

The "W" in Christmas
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience.

I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.

Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six-year-old.

For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."

So, the evening of the pageant, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot and sat down.
As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.
Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.
Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.

Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.

As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."

The performance was going smoothly until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".
The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".

Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.

A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.

In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

"C H R I S T W A S L O V E" And, I believe, He still is. Amazed by His presence...humbled by His love.
HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS SEASON!

I always said that it is nothing to clap about (sorry I can't help myself)

Statues
A gentleman from Arkansas, clad in bib overalls and a flannel shirt walked into tourist shop in Little Rock. He was amazed at the offerings on the shelves. But one item in particular grabbed his attention; it looked like a statue of a strange looking fish. "That's the dang blamedist catfish I ever did see," he said.
"Ain't no catfish, it's a brass statue of Obama. It can be yours for four dollars, but if you like the story that goes with it, it will cost $100," said the store owner.
"I'll buy the statue, but you can keep the story," said the man.
As he walked down the street carrying his statue, a few rats crawled out of an alley and began to follow him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began walking faster.
A couple of blocks later look behind him and saw the rats behind him grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
He was frightened and began running toward the Arkansas River. He looked back and saw the rats now numbered in the millions, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Terrified, he ran to the edge of the river and threw the statue as far out as he could.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the river after the statue and all were drowned.
The man rushed back to the store, the owner recognized him and asked, "Did you come back for the story?"
"No sir," said the man, "I came to see if you have a statue of a Democrat."

When you say the faster you where, do you mean like a compur shutter from good olde Rollei days?

Two young ladies went to have their picture taken together. One of them knew nothing about photography was more than a little bit apprehensive. When they arrive at the studio the photographer was setting up his large format view camera equipment.
The apprehensive lady asked what he was doing. Her friend said, "He's done gonna put da camera on da tripod."
A minute later she asked, "Whats he doing now?"
"He's done gonna put in da film."
"I is scared. Is dis gonna hurt?"
"Don't hurt none."
The photographer ducked his head under a black cloth and began adjusting the lens.
"Whats he guine to do now?"
"Hes guine to focus."
"Bofus?"

As I entered my living room after a long day I called, "Honey, I'm home."
The answer I received caught me off guard.
"I'm Hiding."
"Don't be silly, What for supper?"
"I'm Hiding."
"This is not funny."
"I'm hiding."
"I have had enough of this foolishness. Come out now!"
"I'm hiding."
"I have had it. When I find you I am going to rip off your cloths, throw you down and make mad passionate love to you."
"In the closet."

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye
and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good.. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out
there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the
results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had
to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted.

Macro flash
In a recent late hour eBay frenzy feeding, I purchased an SB 21 and AS 12 controller. When dawn's early light shined, I realized that I would need an AS 14 controller if I was to use it in the manual mode on my Nikon D5000 or D 70. But then I thought of vast knowledge available to me from fellow hedgehogs (ugly or not). Is it possible to use a Nikon AS 6, or possibly an AS 17 to convert the AS 12 for use in my cameras in the manual mode?

Macro flash
In a recent late hour eBay frenzy feeding, I purchased an SB 21 and AS 12 controller. When dawn's early light shined, I realized that I would need an AS 14 controller if I was to use it in the manual mode on my Nikon D5000 or D 70. But then I thought of vast knowledge available to me from fellow hedgehogs (ugly or not). Is it possible to use a Nikon AS 6, or possibly an AS 17 to convert the AS 12 for use in my cameras in the manual mode?

A lonely man checked into a large hotel in Little Rock. He found a brochure advertising a massage service. He picked up the phone and dialed the number. A woman's voice came on the line asking if she could help him.
"Why yes you can, I am calling about a massage... no actually what I want is something else. I'm interested in having sex tonight and I was wondering if I could make arrangements with you. I've been away from home for a couple weeks and I thought I'd like something exotic, if you could bring some implements with you... maybe a whip or some leather boots, possibly some electric sex play tools. Or anything else you think might be interesting. Do you have a problem with any of this?"
"No Sir I don't. But there is one thing. You have to dial 9 to get an outside line."

ebbote Thanks for the tip on MS config. I am a writer and have been using Dragon Naturally Speaking quite a number of years. And currently using version 12.5. My biggest complaint with it was the amount of lag time in between sentences and commands, frequently between four and five seconds. After I followed your instructions that lag is gone. When the story is developing in the far reaches of my mind, a four or five seconds lag waiting for my computer to respond is more than I can handle. When the flame of creativity is lit, it can easily be blown out by four or five seconds of waiting. The next time I am having
a conversation with Stephen King or Nicholas Sparks, I will be sure to bring your name up. Thanks again.

Do you remember Darrell Thompson? He used to work over at the Conoco station. Darndest thing happened, he went fishin and almost got religion. Seems a friend he knew from the army invited him up to Michigan, way up north. They had a good time together and his friend wanted to take him ice fishing. It seems like it's a tradition up there that you have to go to a tavern and drink beer for about three hours before you go out on the ice.
Old Darrell and his buddy were just finishing up at the tavern, when his buddy got a call from his wife. He had to go home right away.
Darrell had to leave the next day, but he didn't want to miss the ice fishing. Even though it was dark outside, he had all the equipment in his car, so he figured he’d go by himself.
He drove down the road and found a likely lookin’ spot. He carried his stuff out on the ice and then started choppin a hole with a big ice chisel.
Pretty soon he heard a voice say, "You will find no fish beneath the ice."
He looked all around and couldn't see nothing but dark. The wind was blowing and it was mighty cold, but nobody was around. He started choppin again and the voice came back, "You will find no fish beneath the ice."
This really shook him up. He looked all around; he was the only one out there. He started choppin' some more.
The voice came back again, this time it was thunderin loud. "You will find no fish beneath the ice." Then the whole lake lit up just like it was daylight. This scared old Darrell really bad. He dropped down to his knees and put his hands together to pray. He looked up at the sky and said, "Is that you God?"
The voice came back and said, "No. I'm the manager of the ice skating rink."
I don't think old Darrell will ever go back up North.