The Winter Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)



Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
class pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots
still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher,
they're on the wrong feet.'

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was
putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and
scream, 'Why didn't you say so? ' like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting
boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,
'They're my brother's boots. My Mum made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your
mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

The Cow, the Ant and the Old fart





A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart



A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.


The Cow: I give 20 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!


The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!





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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something....

I bought an Al Qaeda doll it blew itself up.

Hi Alf, what is the first bird. Thanks.[

quote=alf85]

PS, you will attract a lot of birds in the woods if you take some Lard with you, and put it in the holes in the tree's, like you see in my second photo.
Alf.[/quote]

Are you glad you asked.

Its £5.99 here in the UK. Thanks anyway good app.

Great post very informative. I think may be this belongs in the main posts where more Hogs might see it. Thanks.

I recently picked a new NHS doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive blood tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just reached 68).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'
He asked,
'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink lots of beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked,
'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that too much red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked,
'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why the Hell do you want to live till you’re 90?

'Three Cornish Kick Rule'


An English lawyer went duck hunting in Truro . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in England and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Cornwall. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

I do have the PRO X 2 16GB, and I have sorted the settings already and as it took so long to download a raw file I have changed my card setting in the camera, so now I am trying with only the eye-fi card and set on jpeg but it doesn't seem to want to upload. but as Jerry suggests I shall contact them tomorrow. Thanks all for your help. Terry.

Nice one best advice Iv'e seen. Still giggling.

Thanks very much Jerry I shall contact them tomorrow (Mon). Regards Terry.

Hi, All that is in the menu, is to Enable and Disable the Eye-fi card.

Hi, Is anyone using an Eye-fi card with a D800E . In the manual it says that the Eye-fi symbol should appear in the top control panel of the camera, but mine does not. Could anyone shed some light on this for me as I am having a few problems with the card anyway. Thanks in anticipation. Terry.

http://youtu.be/dYslhL71k1M