I am not a pro but had chances to do work professionally now and then. I would never do a wedding because of the intense emotions involved. Frankly, I think people put too much importance on the event when they should be planning for marriage.

I worked in a hotel that did weddings a lot, and one time when there was big extravagant wedding one of the busboys (a Russian immigrant) ridiculed the whole thing--"Don't all these people know the man is a bus driver?"

My parents were married in the winter of 1939 in Winchester, KY. They were able to get married because my father got a raise (from $8 a week to $11--no holidays, no days off, 14 hours a day), and they moved into a room in a boarding house. The wedding was in a little add-on chapel on a retired preacher's house, and the preacher used a box camera to take their picture outside. It was rainy and very cold (they had their overcoats on) and the wind was blowing, and the preacher stood too far back so they did not fill the frame, but in that one picture they looked deliriously happy. After the wedding, they went to Aunt Pat's house for cookies and punch. Later he got her a better ring, but she still always wore the real one, from a dime store. When she died of cancer 63 years later, she woke up from the opiates briefly and Dad was holding her hand. Her last words were, "The happiest day of my life was the day I married you."

Today the bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage (they are out of money for a start). The money for photography makes me queasy, and when I see these cry babies on Judge Judy complaining about how their life was ruined by the wedding problems or a cake that did not match the hideous dresses, I wonder how or why anybody could marry people like that.

I have read in books how to photograph a wedding, and when I have gone to weddings I observed them, but that only alarmed me all the more. I know it is the bread and butter of commercial studios, but they must have nerves of steel or no sense of proportion.

I just finished a wedding consultation.

I’m very nervous about the way it went down. I’ve never had to refuse to photograph a wedding before. But I have had one that I wish I had backed out of and now my intuition is telling me to back out of this one. So far I have not signed an agreement.

The bride was very negative, she didn’t smile much and felt like some of my work was out of focus. But the groom disagreed with her and was very personable and had looked at my portfolio in depth and liked what he saw.


I’ve got a bad feeling about this one. What’s the best way to tell them that it’s not a good fit? I’ve never done that before in all my years as a wedding photographer.

I just finished a wedding consultation.

I’m very nervous about the way it went down. I’ve never had to refuse to photograph a wedding before. But I have had one that I wish I had backed out of and now my intuition is telling me to back out of this one. So far I have not signed an agreement.

The bride was very negative, she didn’t smile much and felt like some of my work was out of focus. But the groom disagreed with her and was very personable and had looked at my portfolio in depth and liked what he saw.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this one. What’s the best way to tell them that it’s not a good fit? I’ve never done that before in all my years as a wedding photographer.

I agree with you. The wedding is only one day. And what you said. Our parents were not on board with our marriage so could not agree on who might pay for what. And my girlfriend and I had little money so we just got married in a minister's business office with the local county license. We had a couple small parties for friends and relatives later. And had to save up for the rings and honeymoon trip many months later. No photographer obviously. I took pix of the cake. That was 1984, it will be 35 year early this February. Still together.

This has been a very interesting discussion to read. Years ago, was asked by one of my wife's friends if I would consider taking some photographs at her daughter's wedding because they could not afford to hire a photographer, but would like to have at least some record of the wedding. I agreed, partly because I was interested in learning whether this might be something that I might be interested in. I also clearly informed everyone that while I would be happy to help and would strive to do my best, that I had no experience at it, and results would not be expected to be the same as would be expected from a professional photographer.

Anyway, results were really pretty decent for the circumstances, but the bride had many disappointments. My big learning was that those who are willing to face the challenges of doing wedding photography deserve nothing but the highest level of respect from the rest of us.

All that said. I would hope that your approach to whatever you decide is based upon kind and compassionate honesty. Making stuff up is not a good strategy. Finding a schedule conflictafter having a good faith first meeting does not convey a good picture of organization and could lead to a negative review as strong as one claiming poor photography.

Best wishes as you work this out.