philmurfin Loc: Bakewell, Derbyshire UK

A chap bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home.

You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale £50.'

The next day someone stole it!

------------------------------ -------

* One day I was walking down the beach with
Some friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

------------------------------ ----------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the
Estate agent which direction was north because
He didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

------------------------------ --------------

Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera.
He thought that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the area and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.
He tried a fourth time with the same result..
He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace...
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A friend of mine has a lifesaving tool in her car, which is designed
to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car boot.

------------------------------ -------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area so
went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

------------------------------ ------------------

TRUE STORY :

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Mitch McConnel happened to appear.
Mr. McConnel took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question
with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' he asked,
'How you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble.
If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked McConnel.

Well, you might ask , 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.
Which one?''

McConnel thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

skylinefirepest Loc: Southern Pines, N.C.

The one about the seat belt cutter reminds me of the many who keep a fire extinguisher under the hood of their car when just about all car fires start in the engine compartment.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

I’ve done the free/for sale thing myself--it works every time.

Dannj

I have a seat belt cutter too. Carry it in my backpack, which I generally toss on the floor in the backseat. Guess I never thought I might need it for myself. I’m gonna re-think that😊

wrangler5 Loc: Missouri

But they'll say they put the extinguisher up there because that's where they'll probably need it.

(They live among us, and they breed. And vote. Be very afraid. ;-) )

Paul J. Svetlik Loc: Colorado

I think Mitch always needs quite a bit of a help?

StanMac Loc: Tennessee

Thanks for pointing out that not on any planet in this universe is Mitch McConnell a normal person.

Stan

JackB

This site taken over by the liberals?

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

BamaTexan Loc: Deep in the heart of Texas

[quote=philmurfin]A chap bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home.

You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale £50.'

The next day someone stole it!

------------------------------ -------

* One day I was walking down the beach with
Some friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

------------------------------ ----------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the
Estate agent which direction was north because
He didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

------------------------------ --------------

Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera.
He thought that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the area and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.
He tried a fourth time with the same result..
He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace...
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A friend of mine has a lifesaving tool in her car, which is designed
to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car boot.

------------------------------ -------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area so
went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

------------------------------ ------------------

TRUE STORY :

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Mitch McConnel happened to appear.
Mr. McConnel took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question
with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' he asked,
'How you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble.
If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked McConnel.

Well, you might ask , 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.
Which one?''

McConnel thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'[/q


You are surely mistaken, the question was asked of Nancy Pelosi.

foxfirerodandgun Loc: Stony Creek, VA

He has been hanging with Trump to much.

DickC Loc: NE Washington state