Jolly Roger Loc: Dorset. UK

ZEN TEACHINGS

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just p~** off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you pass wind.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, sky-diving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

14. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

15. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

17. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.

18. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

Great Morning Smile Maker

Sarge
:thumbup: :thumbup:

emrob62 Loc: NEPA

These are always the first thing I look for, words of wisdom that give a good chuckle. Thanks

4ellen4 Loc: GTA--Ontario

enjoyed this one thank you for the sharing

Ellen

docrob Loc: Durango, Colorado

#19: In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the experts mind there are few.

tsomes Loc: Fargo ND

That first one was a classic!

pjreed Loc: Tonopah, Arizona

#2, I'm getting air

LaughBrian Loc: Tn

Nice I love #9. Thank you for the laugh.

amyinsparta Loc: White county, TN

I really don't think any Zen follower would agree that these are Zen teachings. They appear more like a disgruntled old person's view of the world. The first would have worked had you not added the ending. Besides, they are all perception. We see what we want to see, heed what we want to heed, believe what we want to believe. My thought for the day:

QUESTION EVERYTHING

emrob62 Loc: NEPA

OH Amy, Amy, Amy. Please tell me that you didnot view this as a serious perception of life. The mere reading of this screams humor. Although much of it is intertwined with daily life, each "teaching" basically contains a punchline.

tsomes Loc: Fargo ND

Thank you emrob62. I couldn't believe anyone would take these seriously. As Foghorn Leghorn used to say, "That’s a joke, I say that’s a joke son".

emrob62 Loc: NEPA

you bet, tsomes. Hate it when a good joke is lost on a dry soul.

Zenith701 Loc: Southern California

Life is like a dog slead race: If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery doesn't change much.

JoeV Loc: Wisconsin

I question whether that is a good philosophy ;)

swimbob Loc: Columbia, S.C.

#20. Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.