DIRTY HARRY Loc: Hartland, Michigan

The Retirement Q&A!

Retirement can be a wonderful thing. It sure is a huge change in one's life, moving from office to home, from keeping hours to keeping yourself busy and having fun. Indeed, retirement has many secrets, which is why it was important for me to ask some 'hard' questions about this phase of life.


Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing
without worrying about getting caught at it
Gene Perret


Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.


'There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!'
Groucho Marx

Question:
What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: Idiot

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Lunch.

I have never liked working.
To me a job is an invasion of privacy
Danny McGorty


Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, nothing; Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

Bar Loc: da 'YouPee', eh!

Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, nothing; Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
Hey, surfing the internet is exhausting!

wds0410 Loc: Nunya

Brilliant!

Hal81 Loc: Bucks County, Pa.

Ive been retired so long I don't remember what it was like to go to work.

Guyserman Loc: Benton, AR

Ask me any question. The answer is "I'm retired!"

PRETENDER Loc: Micanopy,Florida

I got fired after 40 some years at 72 years old. Took about 2 hours too figure God knew what was good for me. I been enjoying it ever since. Eight years and loving it. Don't do much traveling because I got 5 furballs,but I think that is why I am still happy. If I want conversation i go to Walmart or just talk to myself. Life is good.

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

This was so good that I thought I add it to my "Jokes" folder. I found that I had already saved it - three years ago. : )

But here's more.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied..
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


The nice thing about being senile is
You can hide your own Easter eggs


I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.


An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
Told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.


These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'


THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.


Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

Spot on!

PRETENDER Loc: Micanopy,Florida

I would give it to my friends but they just sit there and try to figure out what I;m talking about. All they understand is are you hungry.does the scratching feelgood and do want to go out. But they make me laugh a lot.

sb Loc: Florida's East Coast

When you are retired and go to the doctor you may have a "mini-mental status exam" to see if you are losing your marbles yet. I have always thought that asking a retired person what day of the week it is was a little unfair. It may very well be irrelevant to them. In September my doc did one on me, and when he asked what season it was....I live in Florida now.... I had to think twice about it.

kavitykid Loc: Maryland

What is the biggest problem with retirement? You never get a day off.

RS Loc: W Columbia, SC

One of the weird things we found to be happening after retirement was,
'waiting for the weekend' to take small trips or do whatever.
A lot of those things turned out best to be done during the week when
most others were working or in school . . .

SAVH Loc: La Jolla, CA

Recently a friend discussed why he found it necessary to retire. He noted that we need to retire in order to have time for doctor's appointments. Unfortunately, too true.

Scotty

RS Loc: W Columbia, SC

Oh, yeah . . .!! I got one today!!
Nothing important - - - just one of those 'follow-up' appointments to
put more money into their pocket and help those medical companies
pay for those TV commercials.

shelty Loc: Medford, OR

I agree with you.