jaxpics Loc: NNJ

I don't think there are words that can comfort in a time of great loss. I think the words you choose help by offering support and showing you care. They can also be tools to accept the loss and offer strength going forward.

I believe that pain is the price we pay for happiness/joy/pleasure. Sometimes you get the happiness before the pain and sometimes after. I also believe they are proportionate and in balance. The more you love someone the harder the loss. When I reflect on my most painful loss', whether a parent or friend, I try to remind myself of the joy I experienced that allows this pain to exist. Then I try to smile and tell myself 'it was worthwhile' and 'I am lucky' and a better person because of the experience. I say 'try', as it is not easy and works logically, not emotionally.

In this instance, being a rescue dog, the pain came before the joy for their four-legged family member. Your son and wife experienced the joy first. It can be all summed up in a simple question, maybe two. Was it worth it? Would you do it again? And follow up with ... in your words ... the pain you are feeling now is equal to the joy you gave your four-legged friend.

It is hard to know what to say, but say something. As the exact words will likely be forgotten, but your presence and compassion will not.

I hope this helps.

drainbamage

Thank you for this - my son has already decided that they will go along with whatever their Vet tells them is best for their dog. You gave your Lab a wonderful life, and you did the right thing at the end. (I only wish that they had a longer life span - closer to a human's, so we could have them around longer.)

drainbamage

Yes, it helps - a lot! I really like your words "I try to remind myself of the joy I experienced that allows this pain to exist." That is a wonderful sentiment, and a great way to put it into perspective: that it WAS worth it, and we ARE lucky and a better person to have had the experience of the complete and utter love of a pet for their owner. Thank you!

alx Loc: NJ

I wish I knew what to tell you. There are no words to really cover the pain. All I can say is that this thread brought tears back to my eyes all these years after losing my Nikki. The only comfort is the painful memory that even after 37 years the bond is still there. A true friend will always be there in the heart.

charles tabb Loc: Richmond VA.

=======================================================
Believe me I feel what all you are going thru.
I spent 4 years in the USAF 1958-1962.
With all of that going on with your family, it's got to be hard.
Our Vet., a wonderful person, stayed right with us and explained what she was doing at all times.
She first put "Snickers" into a deep deep sleep.
Then she administered the drug.
He just passed peacefully and it was a relief to know that all went smoothly.
I feel that it was blessing.
I wish people had the benefits that animals do.

Charles
Richmond, VA

ctsteps5

just put our last cat down thursday. I can honestly say, there is nothing you can say. Go with that. just be there.

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

Little Lives
WE WHO CHOOSE TO SURROUND OURSELVES WITH
LIVES EVEN MORE TEMPORARY THAN OUR OWN,
LIVE WITHIN A FRAGILE CIRCLE,
EASILY AND OFTEN BREACHED.

UNABLE TO ACCEPT ITS AWFUL GAPS,
WE STILL WOULD LIVE NO OTHER WAY.

WE CHERISH MEMORY,
AS THE ONLY CERTAIN IMMORTALITY,
NEVER FULLY UNDERSTANDING THE NECESSARY PLAN.

BarTim Loc: Milan, Ohio

I've loved all my dogs!
It was one of the hardest this I've ever done.....to look into my Rottweiler's eyes and see the life fade away.
I felt I owed it to him to be there when it was time, but I think it just that much harder.
So, think if you're strong enough to actually watch the process. I never will again.

skylinefirepest Loc: Southern Pines, N.C.

A couple of years back we had to put our old Rusty dog to sleep and when we went into the room with the vet she lay there calmly and didn't even flinch for the needle. She knew it was time even though we had waited too long to make our decision. She's buried out front with Pogo, and kitty Kee Kee, and Squeaky, and our other family members that have left us through the years. You have gotten some great suggestions from people who obviously love their pets as family...there is no easy way to let one go.

sirlensalot Loc: Arizona

It can be so difficult in determining what is best. Best for the pet would be to let a vet provide a painless exit from their misery. I think we sometimes think we are doing the right thing by keeping them here on medication and guessing if we are doing it for us or for them.
Suggest being the hero and taking their friend to a vet for the final visit on behalf of your son and their pet.

PAR4DCR Loc: A Sunny Place

We lost our little Pom in October. I still think about her daily. She was one great little dog. I don't if there are any words, I haven't found any.

Don

kvanhook Loc: Oriental, NC

We lost our Springer Spaniel twelve days ago due to bone cancer. One thing that helped us was having the vet come to our home. But we live in a town of less than 900 so it is easier for the vet to make house calls. Anyway, I was able to hold Ellie in my arms while she passed. It was just the right time to do it, and at home was the right place. If you can arrange that, it is a good thing to do. I notified our friends and we were comforted by so many responses from friends around the US. What words to say? Maybe hugs will suffice.

smilex3md

This poem gave me much to think about when my dog reached the end of his life.

The House Dog's Grave (Haig, an English bulldog)

I've changed my ways a little; I cannot now
Run with you in the evenings along the shore,
Except in a kind of dream; and you, if you dream a moment,
You see me there.

So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door
Where I used to scratch to go out or in,
And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor
The marks of my drinking-pan.

I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do
On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no, all the night through
I lie alone.

But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet
Outside your window where firelight so often plays,
And where you sit to read--and I fear often grieving for me--
Every night your lamplight lies on my place.

You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard
To think of you ever dying
A little dog would get tired, living so long.
I hope that when you are lying

Under the ground like me your lives will appear
As good and joyful as mine.
No, dear, that's too much hope: you are not so well cared for
As I have been.

And never have known the passionate undivided
Fidelities that I knew.
Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided. . . .
But to me you were true.

You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures
To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,
I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.


Robinson Jeffers, 1941

drainbamage

My goodness I've received such wonderful ideas, kind words and comforting sentiments here!!

If anyone is still here, I want you to know that I told my son about this site and this topic. I told him that I thought some of these wonderful words would help him and his wife get through this really hard decision. He just called me and told me he has read every single one of your comments, and thoughts, and he has bookmarked this for the future so he can re-visit these pages and find comfort when he's feeling down.

So please accept our humble thanks for your helpful words of wisdom and comfort. You have no idea how much this means to us - it is priceless, and will be shared with many other friends and family members...THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!

jimward Loc: Perth, Western Australia

Find a photo of the dog when it was healthy and help your boy to make a picture and message as a souvenir of a happy life. I did mine in verse. It helped me lot. My sympathies to you all - I know how tough it is.
Cheers
Jim