The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA).
Apr 10, 2017 00:15:45 #
The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA).
The Democratic Senate is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills and ambition.
“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”
In a Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”
“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember “righty tighty, lefty loosey”. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”
This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Maxine (WaWa) Waters & Nancy Pelosi.
The Democratic Senate is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills and ambition.
“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”
In a Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”
“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember “righty tighty, lefty loosey”. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”
This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Maxine (WaWa) Waters & Nancy Pelosi.
Apr 10, 2017 00:19:16 #
Jakebrake wrote:
The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA). br b... (show quote)
I love it! May I copy it and fax it to some of those useless POS in the Senate?
Apr 10, 2017 00:39:26 #
ken hubert wrote:
I love it! May I copy it and fax it to some of those useless POS in the Senate?
Absolutely!
Apr 10, 2017 00:50:15 #
Apr 10, 2017 00:50:43 #
I always knew it would come to this. There are more of them than us. My tax form this year was very small. All it said was how much did you make this year?? Send it in. We have to take care of the drones.
Apr 10, 2017 03:10:45 #
This piece has had name changes and been added to since the original 1998 Onion debut. Still funny.
more from the Onion
In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?
http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-are-tests-biased-against-students-who--17966
more from the Onion
In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?
http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-are-tests-biased-against-students-who--17966
Apr 10, 2017 09:23:17 #
Jake, this has got to be the post of the year! I can't stop laughing!!!! Only trouble is - it is nearly true!!!!!! 
Apr 10, 2017 10:27:15 #
This has to have originated at a satire site like the Onion. Well written and laid out...
Not to mention funny as hell!
Not to mention funny as hell!
Apr 10, 2017 10:48:24 #
I love the concept. I am 6'5'' white and have lost any ability to play basketball (I never really had any). This new law will enable me to not play for the Nicks, as I am perfectly able to sit on the bench and collect 1 million dollars as the token white man. This will also satisfy the NBA's affirmitive action program. Where do I sign?
Apr 10, 2017 11:03:40 #
Steven Seward wrote:
Jake, this has got to be the post of the year! I ... (show quote)
Yea Steven, the Dick Durbin part really cracked me up, even though it's so true with him.
Apr 10, 2017 12:16:58 #
boberic wrote:
I love the concept. I am 6'5'' white and have lost any ability to play basketball (I never really had any). This new law will enable me to not play for the Nicks, as I am perfectly able to sit on the bench and collect 1 million dollars as the token white man. This will also satisfy the NBA's affirmitive action program. Where do I sign?
Sounds great to me! This will help correct one of the most racist and segregated organizations in America - the NBA. Are you the "Great White Hope?"
Apr 10, 2017 12:18:34 #
Jakebrake wrote:
Yea Steven, the Dick Durbin part really cracked me up, even though it's so true with him.
Yep, the Democratic Party is just a barrel of laughs!
Apr 10, 2017 12:56:04 #
Steven Seward wrote:
Yep, the Democratic Party is just a barrel of laughs!
They are still whining and crying since last November!
Apr 11, 2017 08:13:34 #
Apr 11, 2017 09:31:56 #
Jakebrake wrote:
They are still whining and crying since last November!
[B]Dirtbagger, KKKum Wad KKKeenan, Frankie Turdlicker, Nak Nak, Spazbo among all the leftist libtards should be ordering the SALVE[ by the case.[/b]
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