bookman Loc: Southeast Michigan

Making the email rounds. Some old, still funny. :thumbup:

Understanding Engineers #1:

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers #2:

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers #3:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers #4:

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers #5:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?”


Understanding Engineers #6:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers #7:

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."


And finally:

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving as elected members of Congress.

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

Very good set,I have a son who will enjoy. Makes his two engineering degrees even more fun!

bookman Loc: Southeast Michigan

Thanks for the reply. I have been in the engineering field for over four decades (without an engineering degree) and have developed control systems and equipment going back before microprocessors were commercially available.

For several years, I had an 'engineer' working for me who had two impressive degrees from University of Michigan...no shabby creds there. The guy couldn't engineer his way into a whorehouse with hundred dollar bills hanging out of his pockets.

Hope your son is using his degrees to good advantage. :thumbup: :thumbup:

Swede Loc: Trail, BC Canada

:thumbup: :thumbup: Swede ;)

raymondh Loc: Walker, MI

:thumbup: :thumbup:

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

Morning,Guys!

EdM Loc: FN30JS

For several years, I had an 'engineer' working for me who had two impressive degrees from University of Michigan...no shabby creds there. The guy couldn't engineer his way into a whorehouse with hundred dollar bills hanging out of his pockets.
Back in "THE DAY" we had one of those. Female, as a tech she wasnt to swift either... Anyway, she had a boyfriend who "took care" of her in the lab. Engg management wasnt stupid, and transferred her to a CPFF job. Unfortunately, that job was in a closed area that her boyfriend wasnt cleared for. Within two weeks she had a new boyfriend. GBG

DaveMM Loc: Port Elizabeth, South Africa

A bunch of engineers are sitting around at a party, discussing the wonder of the human body and its implications about the nature of God.

The mechanical engineer states that God must also be a mechanical engineer because “if you look at all the pulleys and levers that drive the body, how the tendons and muscles and bones all work together, well, it’s just amazing.”

“No, no, no,” disagrees the chemical engineer. “God has to be a chemical engineer because if you look at all the chemical processes that drive the body, how the hormones and the brain and the glands and everything else all interact, well, it’s just astounding.”

“Wrong!” snaps the electrical engineer. “God has to be an electrical engineer because if you look at the circuitry of the body, how the thousands upon millions of nerve cells transmit signals from one part to another, well, it boggles the mind.”

At this point, a mathematician, who has been listening to the conversation with some interest, speaks up. “No, no, you’ve all three got it wrong,” he says. “God is definitely a civil engineer.”

“How do you figure?” the engineers demand.

The mathematician said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

DAVE FISHING Loc: Phoenix,Arizona

:lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

bookman Loc: Southeast Michigan

Another good one. Thanks, Dave! :thumbup:

rcl285

Three engineers on vacation rent a small car and while on the road it suddenly quits and coasts to a stop. The mechanical engineer says that it must be valves. The electrical engineer says that it's probably ignition. The computer engineer says, "lets all get out and get back in again."

chazz4623 Loc: Prairieville, La

Having worked in heavy industry for many years, I can truly say that enginerring schools turn out people with paper degrees, and, in many cases, absolutely zero practical sense. The ones who stand out by being competent quickly rise into management and no longer apply the skills that kept things working well. The others just kept on screwing things up and had their mistakes corrected by maintenance supervisors who had many years of practical experience, along with an intuitive knowledge that modifications were needed. I watched all this from a technicians perspective, my technology degree having no value in the hallowed halls of the engineering dept. Glad to be away from all that... far away.

chazz4623 Loc: Prairieville, La

And, by the way, excellent and amusing set of jokes, I laughed all the way thru. I'm just glad those guys arent the ones designing today's camreras, they are exceptional in my opinion

WereWolf1967 Loc: Knoxville, TN

I think that the last two were classmates of mine.

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

buckwheat Loc: Clarkdale, AZ and Belen NM

I was dating a metallurgical engineer for awhile. She had a party one evening to which I was invited, but with my liberal arts degree I kind of felt out of place. When they brought out a game of trivial pursuits, I figured I might as well go home, with all of those self-described geniuses. But I ended up winning the game, because all they knew was the math questions, and baffled by all of the others.