dirtpusher Loc: tulsa oklahoma

Southern cops have a way with words
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James Christy 5/03/14 Keep this message at the top of your inbox
To: jim O'Brien

lol
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On Wed, 4/23/14, jim O'Brien <dirtpusher2000@hotmail.com> wrote:

Subject: Southern cops have a way with words
To: "bud_8man@yahoo.com" <bud_8man@yahoo.com>, "james_christy1995@yahoo.com" <james_christy1995@yahoo.com>
Date: Wednesday, April 23, 2014, 6:06 PM
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jim O'Brien 4/23/14
To: bud_8man@yahoo.com, james_christy1995@yahoo.com

Southern cops have a way with words.
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:



1. "You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through
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2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
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3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
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4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
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5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
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6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
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7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
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8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
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9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
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10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
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11 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
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12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)
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13. " Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
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14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
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15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

WereWolf1967 Loc: Knoxville, TN

You forgot the most original word used by our southern police, all phrases either start or end with "BOY".

jkoar Loc: The Gunks, NY

Most of this local town cop crap comes from harassing motorists. I want to see them solving burglaries, assaults, keeping drug dealers off our kids etc. I know this is harder than waiting for the high signal on the radar device to go of and my sympathies go out to those who have to work for a living. Number 6 in particular is bothersome because almost every ticket I have ever gotten was over the was exactly 15 MPH over the limit and I know better than that. I don't appreciate glorifying this stuff.

WereWolf1967 Loc: Knoxville, TN

Here in Knoxville, TN our police do both. The only problem is that in the last few months, several bad guys that ran from or shot at our officers wound up on a coroners steel table. Our police officers are extremely proficient at hitting their acquired targets especially if they're fired upon first. This is less trouble for our legal system, no lengthly trials, numerous appeals, upkeep for useless inmates. No muss, No fuss, just one less maggot on the streets.

jkoar Loc: The Gunks, NY

As they should ...

tlbuljac Loc: Oklahoma

Years ago just after my neighbor had purchased his new "corvette", he decided one Sunday morning to see just how fast it would go. He drove out to the interstate and soon he had it up to 142MPH. Then he happened to look in the rear view mirror and saw "RED FLASHING LIGHTS". The officer who approached the car told my neighbor in a very upsetting and disgruntled voice "Sir, I was due to get off work in 3 minutes when you went speeding by at 142MPH. If you can give me one good reason why I should not write you a ticket, I may let you go". After pausing for about 2 minutes and saying nothing, my neighbor responds as follows: "Officer, about 6 months ago, my wife ran off with a "State Trooper", today, I thought you were bringing her back"!!!!

SteveR Loc: Michigan

I musta said something right. Driving home from California on Hwy 287 in Texas, I was stopped by a Texas State Trooper. He asked me if I knew why he stopped me. Then he answered his own question and said "speeding." The speed limit was 75 and I set the cruise control on 84. I told him I'd never been stopped when I was going within 10 mph of the speed limit. I got a warning. First warning for speeding I've ever gotten.

WereWolf1967 Loc: Knoxville, TN

I can beat that one.
Back in 1969, I was driving to my final duty station in Brunswick, GA. It was a warm Sunday afternoon and I was returning from my Father's funeral in Chicago. I had the top down on my 1964 GTO convertible and I was sipping a cold beer that I had just bought. This was legal at the time since I was cold sober. I never listened to good ole shit-kikkin country music but I had the radio tuned to WYNR country radio. Well, my foot got a bit heavy and I was exceeding the 60 mph speed limit a bit too much and soon the not so sweet sound of a police siren got to me. That and the pretty blue bubble-gum machine shining brightly on top of that big Ford Interceptor.
I pulled over like a good Marine and a BIG Georgia State Trooper came up to the car and asked me where the fire was. He had his ticket book in his hand and a pen. He was a Sergeant and I asked him if there was any way I could talk myself out of this ticket. He looked down at me and said "Boy, I've been a Georgia State Trooper for 25 plus years and I've heard pretty much every BS story there is but, If you gan give me a good one, I'll probably let you go.

I started off, "Well Sir, this is no s**t", to which he replied, "they all start off like that". I told him about returning to my duty station and that I was an ATC instructor. I also told him about attending my Father's funeral in Chicago and just getting back from 3+ years overseas in Japan & Vietnam. I explained about the country music and the cold beer I had just opened and taken a sip of. I finally said, " well officer, you know on a warm July day, driving with the top down, sipping a cold beer and listening to some good s**t-kikkin country music, your right foot just gets a little heavier on the gas pedal".

He looked at me, took off his Smokey Bear, wiped out the inside brim sweat band and said, "Damn if you ain't right son". As he walked back to his cruiser he added, slow down a bit son. He was laughing and said wait til I tell the other troopers that a Yankee got the best of me and he waved goodbye.

I slowed down.

tlbuljac Loc: Oklahoma

Come on now "Boy", I was the state trooper that day, and I believe I wrote you a ticket. But a Marine would never give another Marine a ticket now would he. ;-) :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

WereWolf1967 Loc: Knoxville, TN

Never in a million years.

tlbuljac Loc: Oklahoma

well the Marine part is true....me being the Trooper got your attention sir. But you are correct about "Never In A Million Years"....Been to and through Georgia many times...Never lived there (in a million years) either, but great state to visit

WereWolf1967 Loc: Knoxville, TN

The only part of the story that I didn't add was that before the trooper left he said that I might want to lose the bumper sticker I had on my rear bumper, I said I will right now. I scraped it off immediately. It said,

"Help Support Your Local Police And Keep Them Independent"

Under that it added "Bribe Them".

I told the trooper that was for Chicago Police, He laughed and said he heard as much.

I always was the class clown as well as the squadron Wise Ass.

SteveR Loc: Michigan

I must say I can't complain about the piddlin' tickets I've gotten in small towns for going 30 in a 25, or after slowing down as I went through town, but speeding up before passing the last cornfield in town. Fortunately they never stopped me those times I as doing 120...or hitting the governor (no, not Perry) going over the salt flats at 137.

WereWolf1967 Loc: Knoxville, TN

Reminds me of the time I left El Paso Texas at noon (mountain time) and had to conduct a pre-bid meeting on the Turtle Creek Mall in Hattiesburg, MS at 8:30 AM Central time the next day. I was tooling the interstate skirting the Mexican Border. I set my cruise control for 125 and was doing that for 45 minutes when I saw red lights ahead. I slowed down and all traffic was being diverted through a large barn-type structure just off the interstate. Border Patrol checkpoint. I finally pulled in and they asked me where I was coming from & where I was going.
I told them I was a roofing consultant and was coming from doing 5 roof inspections in El Paso. I showed them my digital photos on my camera. I told them that I had to conduct a pre-bid meeting in Hattiesburg, MS at 8:30 AM the next day. They were nice and asked if they could look in my trunk. I told them no problem but added that they should look themselves and not have drug dogs sniffing any of the roofing chemicals that were in there. I gave them the MSDS sheets on the chemicals and explained that the dogs would suffer irreparable damage to their noses and may have to be put down. I allowed them to open the cans & they didn't get within 3 feet of them before they began to cough from the toxic fumes. We closed the cans immediately and closed the trunk.
I asked them if they wanted to see my passport as well as my drivers license. They said sure so I gave them my passport, they scanned it and I was all set to go. As I cranked up my car the supervisor came up to me and said, we were wondering what was hauling butt down the road and now we know. He said that it was OK to go 125 in the daytime but the Texas Rangers patrolled at night in the medians so to do the 75 mph speed limit. I told them thanks and was off. The trip was 1056 miles and I did it with 35 minutes to spare. By the way, that was in my 1989 BMW 535i, big 3.5 liter six with a 5-speed. What a beast.

tlbuljac Loc: Oklahoma

Good thing you did not go over 125....they would have had to given you a ticket. ;-) :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: