Redneck Engineer Exam
Jul 30, 2014 10:41:15 #
Redneck Engineer Exam
I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and I challenge any so-called "smart" Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of moonshine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many BudweiserÂ’s will be drunk before all the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that this test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if y'all didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "RED NECK CHALLENGE," here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece....
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them. Now thatÂ’s smart!
I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and I challenge any so-called "smart" Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of moonshine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many BudweiserÂ’s will be drunk before all the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that this test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if y'all didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "RED NECK CHALLENGE," here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece....
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them. Now thatÂ’s smart!
Jul 30, 2014 11:48:25 #
So how does someone livin' in Cawlyrahdo have all this sutherin wisdom? This was hilarious...and I am a Gawgia boy (who wuz drug to Houston kickin' and screamin' years ago!) I tested out pretty dammed smart in the quiz!
Not to be a spoiler, but fer the Yankees out deah, the answer to the question bout the porch n' how many dawgs get killed, "awl uf 'em."
Not to be a spoiler, but fer the Yankees out deah, the answer to the question bout the porch n' how many dawgs get killed, "awl uf 'em."
Jul 31, 2014 08:07:34 #
Jake, thanks for this, it's a Hoot. The 4th question was my favorite. I lived in Texas for basically the entire '80s and we frequently judged jobs not on the amount of time it would take to complete but on whether we needed to buy a 6, 12 or 24-pack to complete it.
Jul 31, 2014 09:02:11 #
Picdude wrote:
Jake, thanks for this, it's a Hoot. The 4th question was my favorite. I lived in Texas for basically the entire '80s and we frequently judged jobs not on the amount of time it would take to complete but on whether we needed to buy a 6, 12 or 24-pack to complete it.
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Jul 31, 2014 10:36:02 #
This is great - and being shared with several 'good ole boys' I know :) :) :)
Jul 31, 2014 15:14:57 #
Jul 31, 2014 17:21:02 #
Jul 31, 2014 17:28:08 #
"Yankees in Georgia! However did they get in?" Miss Pittypat.
If any of you southern boys travel overseas, you're a yank just like the rest of us.
If any of you southern boys travel overseas, you're a yank just like the rest of us.
Jul 31, 2014 20:04:19 #
Aug 1, 2014 11:19:45 #
victortango
Loc: MANCHESTER NH
Worked drywall for a while. Used to stack the empties in the framing and board them up.
Aug 1, 2014 11:51:45 #
Texcaster wrote:
"Yankees in Georgia! However did they get in?" Miss Pittypat.
If any of you southern boys travel overseas, you're a yank just like the rest of us.
If any of you southern boys travel overseas, you're a yank just like the rest of us.
The definition of "yankee" definitely depends on your location.
If you're anywhere outside the US, any citizen of the US is a yankee.
If you live south of the Mason-Dixon line, anyone north of the line is a yankee.
If you live north of the line, but not in New England, anyone in New England is a yankee.
If you live in New England, anyone in New Hampshire is a yankee.
If you live in New Hampshire, only farmers are yankees.
If you're a farmer in New Hampshire, the yankee is that mean son of a bitch who lives two counties over.
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