The Company Christmas Party
Dec 13, 2012 17:21:08 #
Company Memo: Christmas Party
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! He will make a special announcement at that time!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $25.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's budget.
This gathering is only for employees!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that
Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous any more. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange. No gifts are allowed, since the union members feel that $25.00 is too much money and the executives believe $25.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Thanks,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take home in doggy bags. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gay men are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men. Each group may have their own table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: October 5, 2012
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you fucking weirdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from Hell!!!
Happy Holidays Everyone.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! He will make a special announcement at that time!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $25.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's budget.
This gathering is only for employees!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that
Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous any more. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange. No gifts are allowed, since the union members feel that $25.00 is too much money and the executives believe $25.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Thanks,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take home in doggy bags. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gay men are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men. Each group may have their own table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: October 5, 2012
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you fucking weirdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from Hell!!!
Happy Holidays Everyone.
Dec 13, 2012 17:30:36 #
Dec 13, 2012 17:41:03 #
Dec 13, 2012 18:00:04 #
Dec 13, 2012 18:36:28 #
Dec 13, 2012 18:55:01 #
Dec 13, 2012 19:07:39 #
I'd hate to be Patty's date for that party, although I agree with Sarge69, I think she's a great little communicator ... just keep her away from the cash bar.
Dec 14, 2012 04:23:22 #
Dec 14, 2012 07:48:39 #
Dec 14, 2012 07:49:01 #
rayford2
Loc: New Bethlehem, PA
Anyone familiar with organizing a party with all these personal differences can appreciate Patty's dilemma.
Dec 14, 2012 08:47:16 #
Now that's the way to get into the Holiday spirit. Screw everyone. LOL. I like this lady already.
Unfortunately, this happens all the time. And you wonder how Scrooge got so grumpy......
Unfortunately, this happens all the time. And you wonder how Scrooge got so grumpy......
Dec 14, 2012 08:57:32 #
'And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! He will make a special announcement at that time!'
His message is that you will all be redundant in the New Year.
Merry whatever holiday your religion allows.
His message is that you will all be redundant in the New Year.
Merry whatever holiday your religion allows.
Dec 14, 2012 10:52:08 #
hell, she's the woman i'm hanging out with at that party and i'm definitely bringing my camera.
Dec 14, 2012 10:55:45 #
I have had positions where I had to accommodate several people. Once I attempted to set up an executive board meeting for a volunteer group. It was not close enough. It cost too expensive. (This was a budget restaurant.) And on it went and this was for five people. After two months, I told them to find another president.
I sympathize with Patty.
I sympathize with Patty.
Dec 14, 2012 11:00:22 #
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