Wingpilot Loc: Wasilla. Ak

Thought you all would appreciate these.


1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
(Copied from a friend thought these were hilarious sharing to make others laugh)

robertjerl Loc: Corona, California

Which one of your friends is my clone?

cedymock Loc: Irmo, South Carolina

I almost spilled my coffee reading these, a big thanks for staring my day with laughter.

NJFrank Loc: New Jersey

I am way too familiar with many of those scenarios on the list.

sumo Loc: Houston suburb

Supposed to be humorous lines, but many are facts in my world

JRiepe Loc: Southern Illinois

I feel as though I've aged 10 years in just the last 2 so now as I read things such as some as these I can easily relate.

cwhi1444 Loc: Orland Park, IL

Hilarious maybe but true.

ELNikkor

7a. I DON'T remember getting up and NOT making sound effects...

MadMikeOne Loc: So. NJ Shore - a bit west of Atlantic City

OMG, Greg! I related to sooooo many of those and got a really good laugh to boot. Now I have to go clean up the coffee I snorted through my nose all over the wall. Thanks anyway, though.

Wingpilot Loc: Wasilla. Ak

I’m sworn to secrecy.

Wingpilot Loc: Wasilla. Ak

Now go pour yourself another cup!! 🤣

MadMikeOne Loc: So. NJ Shore - a bit west of Atlantic City

Already did. Waited until I finished THAT cup before I went back onto "Chit-chat". Never can be too careful around my fellow Hogs!

Wingpilot Loc: Wasilla. Ak

Danger lurks everywhere. LOL.

PRETENDER Loc: Micanopy,Florida

Sounds like my autobiography, so far.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana