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And Then The Fight Began
Jul 28, 2019 17:42:40   #
GeneV Loc: Lampasas, Texas
 
And Then The Fight Started



When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... .so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when the fight started.
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started.....
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started.....

GeneV

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Jul 28, 2019 17:58:37   #
LeeinNC Loc: Morganton, NC
 
Good ones.

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Jul 29, 2019 07:52:36   #
bluescreek Loc: N.C. Sandhills
 
Thems Funny!

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Jul 29, 2019 08:58:08   #
NickelCigar Loc: Lenexa, Kansas
 
Gene, these are priceless. I really like the one about the beer. I can see myself saying it.

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Jul 29, 2019 10:42:44   #
Earnest Botello Loc: Hockley, Texas
 
All are very funny, Gene, thanks.

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Jul 29, 2019 17:08:13   #
alamomike47 Loc: San Antonio, Texas
 
These are good.

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Jul 29, 2019 22:55:59   #
Quaking Aspen Loc: Cottage Grove, OR
 
My wife and I are dressing to go out. She puts on an outfit and asks me, "Does this blouse make me look too frumpy?"

"No" I tell her, "It makes you look just frumpy enough."

and then the fight started...

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Jul 30, 2019 03:15:50   #
BBurns Loc: South Bay, California
 
I was at the check out register purchasing a few items.

The clerk asked me, "Do you want a bag for that?"

I said, "No, I had a bag, but I got a divorce!"

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Jul 30, 2019 04:02:45   #
alamomike47 Loc: San Antonio, Texas
 
Quaking Aspen wrote:
My wife and I are dressing to go out. She puts on an outfit and asks me, "Does this blouse make me look too frumpy?"

"No" I tell her, "It makes you look just frumpy enough."

and then the fight started...


So true

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