bemused_bystander Loc: Orkney Islands, UK

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of
war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,
he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask
for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I
paid a million
dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the
King!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who
you are."
---------------------
2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in
a fire, . . . and so
we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
---------------------
3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I
think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be
a little patient."
---------------------
4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man. After a
brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk
rawhide and gave
it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of
the leather every day.
After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was
feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the
malady lingers on."
----------------------
5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining
to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must
have taken Leif off my census."
----------------------
6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept
on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This just goes to prove that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal
to the sons of
the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this
one).
-----------------------
7. A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk
remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a
sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist
expressed his doubts,
the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds
like these, you don't need enemas."

Pierre H.J. Dumais Loc: Mississippi Mills, Ont.

Lol

Bruce with a Canon Loc: Islip

OH MY!

ray in ma Loc: Central MA

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Deejay Loc: Norwich, UK

Brilliant, keep 'em coming.

roadapplemax Loc: Browns Valley Ca

Mahatma Ghandi travelled barefoot and had tremendous callouses on his feet. Due to his meager diet he was very thin and suffered from bad breath. He was, then,
a Super calloused fragil mystic hexed with halitosis

Deejay Loc: Norwich, UK

OMG! :lol:

SpeedyWilson Loc: Upstate South Carolina

My tongue is twisted around my eye teeth and I can't see what you're saying.


But, Hughe Moore is out standing in his field.

charlie Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota

More,, More,,, We want more !!!!!

ggttc Loc: TN

Groan!

flyguy Loc: Las Cruces, New Mexico

OMG! :roll:

Rich Maher Loc: Sonoma County, CA

Groan but with a big smile on my face.

SpeedyWilson Loc: Upstate South Carolina

Any readers of Frank and Ernest here?

http://news.yahoo.com/photos/frank-and-ernest-slideshow/20130224-fk130224-jpg-photo-051018578.html

wuzfuzzab Loc: Red Deer, Alberta

Not since puberty!! LOL

Danilo Loc: Las Vegas

We are hopelessly doomed...
:lol: :thumbup: :lol: