mullumby Loc: Australia

I've just been sacked from my new job in the
Wines and Spirits section
At Tesco.
A Muslim came in
and asked if I could recommend a good port.
I said
“Try Dover ”

Marriage Humor

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificatefor an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'


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Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well, that's because we aren't married yet.'

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Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'

Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap...'

________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a newspaper.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on It that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with a frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
To whom it may concern. Yes, i know you posted it last week, thought it was so good i would post it again.

Danilo Loc: Las Vegas

Don't ask me to explain, but I always seem to like the jokes you post, mullumby! :lol: :thumbup: :lol:

MagicFad Loc: Clermont, FL

Men really don't have a clue.

Milvtx Loc: Midland,Texas

Still laughing!!

cockney greg Loc: London E17

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Nice one matey!

Ched49 Loc: Pittsburgh, Pa.

One morning, a husband and wife were sitting at the kitchen table drinking their coffee. Out of nowhere the husband say's..."Honey, when I die, I want you to sell all my stuff before you re-marry," The wife ask's with a puzzled look..."How come?" The husband say's..."Because I don't want some ass hole playing with my stuff" The Wife looked at him intently and say's..."What makes you think I'll marry another ass hole?"