Retirement Possibilities
Jan 17, 2013 12:24:34 #
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town..
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ..
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is"nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
OR
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too..
OR
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR
You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"; Wanna go with?
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town..
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ..
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is"nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
OR
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too..
OR
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR
You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"; Wanna go with?
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Jan 17, 2013 12:46:23 #
Jan 18, 2013 08:36:04 #
Jan 18, 2013 09:09:49 #
Jan 18, 2013 09:52:22 #
Jan 18, 2013 10:39:52 #
pipesgt wrote:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where... br 1.... (show quote)
OR....you can retire in Honduras where:
1. You ask for an enchilada and it comes as a cinnamon-flavored doughnut.
2. You are given directions to go down Suyapa to Milaflores, turn right on Fuerzas Armadas, etc., and you're ten miles out of town before you notice there are no street signs.
3. You can impress your girl at a fancy restaurant by ordering a whole roasted Iguana.
4. When you go to the malls you take off your jewelry and makeup and wear your grubbiest clothes so the shopkeepers won't think you're a rich tourist.
5. There are three seasons: damp, soaked and wading.
Jan 18, 2013 11:02:22 #
or you can retire in Saskatchewan where:
1. You go into a bar and order a Pilsner
2.Losing sight of the horizon, for even a few seconds, leaves you with an 'icky' feeling of disorientation for the rest of the day.
3. You rent off-season storage space for your snowmobile on a week-by-week basis
4. You've required a total of 40 stitches over the years for various lacerations suffered while doing the butterfly at wedding dances.
5. You have a refrigerator just for beer
6. You can watch your dog running away for miles
1. You go into a bar and order a Pilsner
2.Losing sight of the horizon, for even a few seconds, leaves you with an 'icky' feeling of disorientation for the rest of the day.
3. You rent off-season storage space for your snowmobile on a week-by-week basis
4. You've required a total of 40 stitches over the years for various lacerations suffered while doing the butterfly at wedding dances.
5. You have a refrigerator just for beer
6. You can watch your dog running away for miles
Jan 18, 2013 12:56:28 #
maydincanada wrote:
or you can retire in Saskatchewan where:
4. You've required a total of 40 stitches over the years for various lacerations suffered while doing the butterfly at wedding dances.
4. You've required a total of 40 stitches over the years for various lacerations suffered while doing the butterfly at wedding dances.
I'm not sure what the butterfly is, but if your significant-other is Filipina they don't call those "butterfly knives" for nothing! :lol:
I'm sure a few veterans can relate....... 8-)
Jan 18, 2013 14:27:32 #
Jan 18, 2013 14:35:16 #
Jan 18, 2013 19:15:41 #
pipesgt wrote:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where... br 1.... (show quote)
Having either lived in or spent considerable time in, each area mentioned, I can say these are all accurate.
Jan 19, 2013 14:31:10 #
I have never visited the USA, although I have seen it from Niagra Falls on the Canadian side. BUT, your summary has given me the best insight into the United States that I have seen, or read of for many years. Thank you, BUT, I will not be visiting you in the near or distant future.
Regards
From the United Kingdom
Regards
From the United Kingdom
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