sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

Years ago, when my daughter started dating, I left a printed copy of this on the coffee table in front of the young man coming over to pick her up.

Never had any trouble.

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DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose
this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my
daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no
one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a
process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness, where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided also movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom,
you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. I have been in jail and not afraid to return.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up; the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is
no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Sarge69
PS: My daughter told me to NEVER destroy this.

caknutsen Loc: Seattle, WA

Excellent

My daughter had my ring tone on her phone set to Rodney Atkins -Cleaning this gun

caknutsen Loc: Seattle, WA

Reminds me of another one

A Marine Drill Sgts daughter was waiting on her date when the doorbell rang, her father told her he would get the door.

He opened the door and greeted the young man. The young man held out his hand and the father grabbed him around the waist and pulled him close, gave him a full on lips kiss and squeezed his butt. He then whispered into the young mans ear " Remember don't do anything with my daughter that you wouldn't want me to do with you. " He let him into the house. As they left for their date the dad just said "Have a good time tonight don't be too late."

Robert Graybeal Loc: Myrtle Beach

I use to ask each new boyfriend who came to pick up my daughter 'do you want to see my gun collection?'

autumnmv

lol

Bruce with a Canon Loc: Islip

Similar philosophy. When a yung fellow comes to the door to pick up my daughter I invite him to join me at the kitchen table to char as I clean my hand guns and get to know each other.
I tell him I expect them back no later 11 in the same condition she left the house.
Yhen give him a bone crushing hand shake and a robust slap on the back.
I saw the same lad more than once, ONCE. She married him.

St3v3M Loc: 35,000 feet

Reminds me of the scene in Bad Boys 2 when the boy comes to call on his daughter...

(Language) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRiT3ISEN3M

ringo Loc: australia

We do what we have to do,nice one Sarge

Jan F. Rasmussen Loc: Denmark

This is sick...

cockney greg Loc: London E17

My mate said he removes the back seat from their car and says they can have it back if they are back by ten.

Crwiwy Loc: Devon UK

Now I know why so many of you are keen on guns - you have teenage daughters!

dixiemegapixel Loc: Salemburg, NC

Guns don't kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters kill people.

Christine105 Loc: Brisbane, Australia

Being a daughter of a Vietnam Vet I can relate to this. Ha ha

workhorse Loc: Nashville, TN

I am printing this off and giving it to my granddaughters father!! I have three sons and no daughters. Boys are easy, I just admonished them to NEVER let a girl get you in the back seat and that seemed to work ok until my middle son went on his first date. She had him drive to a secluded place on a local lake which he was unfamiliar with. They were both 16 and as they became entwined in eachothers arms the police drove up with the proverbial light. The cop recognized the girl as on of his fellow officers' daughters and made my son drive her home with him following. He went to the door with them explaining what would happen if he ever caught them out there again on his shift. The girls' father stood silent at the door, my son said he got the message loud and clear. Also he wished that he had taken my advise. Now thanks to Sarge I know what to do for my granddaughters, thanks so much for looking out for us. :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Canikon Guy Loc: Baltimore, MD

A GOOD one!