Tools Explained.
Dec 28, 2012 20:02:53 #
DRILL PRESS:A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the work bench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, " Oh ----!"
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principal...it transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
PHILLIPS HEAD SCREW DRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt, but can also be used. as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Some times used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. Often used to pry the tops off of beer bottles breaking small parts of glass in Bottle." To drink or not to drink, that is the question!"
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war. The hammer of today is used to move things and to crack a joint like a finger or a wrist when aim is off.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to you front door; works particularly well on contents such as seals, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, skin and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes.
Enjoy your time in the work shoppe!
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the work bench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, " Oh ----!"
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principal...it transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
PHILLIPS HEAD SCREW DRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt, but can also be used. as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Some times used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. Often used to pry the tops off of beer bottles breaking small parts of glass in Bottle." To drink or not to drink, that is the question!"
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war. The hammer of today is used to move things and to crack a joint like a finger or a wrist when aim is off.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to you front door; works particularly well on contents such as seals, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, skin and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes.
Enjoy your time in the work shoppe!
Dec 28, 2012 20:40:35 #
As one who has been there and done all of that, I've still got tears in my eyes from laughing! each one of these is a gut buster!!
J D
J D
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