DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

My favorite limerick comes from the great Renaissance poet, Ogden Nash, who has mastered the English language by force and violence. You cannot get the full value of this limerick by hearing it spoken. You must read it for yourself. It is one of the few limericks I have come across that require visual input to get the full quality across.

There once was a girl from Connecticut
Who flagged down a train with her Pecticut
Which her elders defined
As great presence of mind
But deplorable absence of Ecticut.



This limerick's too clever, I fear
And refers to itself (as you'll hear)
With words twenty nine
I've checked 'em, it's fine
But it means the last word isn't


There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket

But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset

Of this story we hear from Nantucket,
About the mysterious loss of a bucket,
We are sorry for Nan,
As well as the man –
The cash and the bucket, Pawtucket



An amoeba, named Max, and his brother
Were sharing a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.

A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"

There once was a man from the sticks
Who wanted to write Limericks
But he failed at the sport
'cause he wrote them too short

There once was a man from Lahore
Whose Limericks ran to line four
He'd start up the trend
And then it would end.


There once was a woman from Bree
Whose Limericks ran to line three
And never went further


There once was a kid from York (New)
Whose Limericks went to line two


There once was a man from Verdun


A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance".
She let herself go
For an hour or so,
And now all her sisters are aunts.

There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sports section, and all

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless I am wrong,
You expect this last line to be lewd!

There once was a man
From peru, whose limericks
Were really haiku

[Not quite a limerick, but worthy of inclusion here}
Suzie Smith put on her skates
Upon the ice to frisk.
Her friends thought she was slightly nuts,
Her little *

DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

If (1+x) (real close to 1)
Is raised to the power of 1
Over x, you will find
Here's the value defined:
2.718281...


'Tis a favorite project of mine
A new value of π to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3.14159...

Curmudgeon Loc: SE Arizona

It's almost 1 AM. Wonderful, at least after 3 Irish Whiskys they are

JimmyTB

Thank you for starting my day with a laugh. Really enjoyed the clever math

RustyM

[quote=DirtFarmer]My favorite limerick comes from the great Renaissance poet, Ogden Nash, who has mastered the English language by force and violence. You cannot get the full value of this limerick by hearing it spoken. You must read it for yourself. It is one of the few limericks I have come across that require visual input to get the full quality across.

There once was a girl from Connecticut
Who flagged down a train with her Pecticut
Which her elders defined
As great presence of mind
But deplorable absence of Ecticut.

Love them. A variation on the last one follows:

Mary bought an aeroplane
Among the clouds to frisk
Now wasn’t she a plucky girl
Her little *



This limerick's too clever, I fear
And refers to itself (as you'll hear)
With words twenty nine
I've checked 'em, it's fine
But it means the last word isn't


There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket

But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset

Of this story we hear from Nantucket,
About the mysterious loss of a bucket,
We are sorry for Nan,
As well as the man –
The cash and the bucket, Pawtucket



An amoeba, named Max, and his brother
Were sharing a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.

A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"

There once was a man from the sticks
Who wanted to write Limericks
But he failed at the sport
'cause he wrote them too short

There once was a man from Lahore
Whose Limericks ran to line four
He'd start up the trend
And then it would end.


There once was a woman from Bree
Whose Limericks ran to line three
And never went further


There once was a kid from York (New)
Whose Limericks went to line two


There once was a man from Verdun


A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance".
She let herself go
For an hour or so,
And now all her sisters are aunts.

There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sports section, and all

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless I am wrong,
You expect this last line to be lewd!

There once was a man
From peru, whose limericks
Were really haiku

[Not quite a limerick, but worthy of inclusion here}
Suzie Smith put on her skates
Upon the ice to frisk.
Her friends thought she was slightly nuts,
Her little *[/quote]

tgreenhaw

Obligatory AI Limerick:

There once was a site that folks loved,
Ugly Hedgehog, it rose far above.

With Nikon, Canon and Sony in hand,
They'd capture and share what was grand.

But with the flames of AI fanned,
we're into the attic and banned.

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

As a very young lad, I traveled many of the old highways and by-ways of the USA with my folks.
I became acquainted with a slight variation of these limericks.
Most were obtained on the walls of truck stop restrooms and the like.
Still, they were excellent works of poetry showing insight to a different view of everyday life.

Many probably most inappropriate to print here.
A number of authors have made it a point to preserve much of this in a few books for all times sake.
One is available on Amazon. For example:

There was a young man from Grants Pass,
Whose balls were made out of brass.
When they tinkled together,
They played “Stormy Weather,”
and lightning shot out from his A$$.

A few years ago I saw a guy wearing a 'T' shirt that stated,

"I am the Man from Nantucket !!"

Daryls Loc: Waco, TX

Here is one I wrote for a high school assignment in the late 60s:

Up, Up, and Away,
Flew a jet from TWA.

But because of a blunder,
They were wracked by rain and thunder,

And all found dead,

the very next day!

lmTrying Loc: WV Northern Panhandle

[quote=DirtFarmer]My favorite limerick comes from the great Renaissance poet, Ogden Nash, who has mastered the English language by force and violence. You cannot get the full value of this limerick by hearing it spoken. You must read it for yourself. It is one of the few limericks I have come across that require visual input to get the full quality across.

There once was a girl from Connecticut
Who flagged down a train with her Pecticut
Which her elders defined
As great presence of mind
But deplorable absence of Ecticut.



This limerick's too clever, I fear
And refers to itself (as you'll hear)
With words twenty nine
I've checked 'em, it's fine
But it means the last word isn't


There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket

But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset

Of this story we hear from Nantucket,
About the mysterious loss of a bucket,
We are sorry for Nan,
As well as the man –
The cash and the bucket, Pawtucket



An amoeba, named Max, and his brother
Were sharing a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.

A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"

There once was a man from the sticks
Who wanted to write Limericks
But he failed at the sport
'cause he wrote them too short

There once was a man from Lahore
Whose Limericks ran to line four
He'd start up the trend
And then it would end.


There once was a woman from Bree
Whose Limericks ran to line three
And never went further


There once was a kid from York (New)
Whose Limericks went to line two


There once was a man from Verdun


A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance".
She let herself go
For an hour or so,
And now all her sisters are aunts.

There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sports section, and all

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless I am wrong,
You expect this last line to be lewd!

There once was a man
From peru, whose limericks
Were really haiku

[Not quite a limerick, but worthy of inclusion here}
Suzie Smith put on her skates
Upon the ice to frisk.
Her friends thought she was slightly nuts,
Her little *[/quote]

I attended KSU from 9-69 till 5-73. Scribbled on a bath room wall was the following that started:

Here I sit broken hearted
Paid a nickel to sh__ but only farted
Now I sit in stinking vapor
Some a__ hole stole the toilet paper

From here I only remember bits and pieces, but it ended with:

Stains that only bleach can reach

I thought I would never forget it, but after 50 years, oh well. I have looked through limericks, searched Google n wiki with no luck. Does anybody know this one? Send me a PM if you don't want to answer publicly.

RustyM

Along the same line:

There once was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her heels in the doorway
She said, “Get off the divan as quick as you can,
I think I’ve discovered one more way.”

Reuss Griffiths Loc: Ravenna, Ohio

Again from Ogden Nash

A one L lama, he's a priest.
A two L llama, he's a beast.
And I'll bet a silk pajama
There's no such thing as a three L lllama.


But he writes, there is a 3 L lama, it's a fire!

nervous2 Loc: Provo, Utah

These are simply magnificent!!!

nervous2 Loc: Provo, Utah

My favorite; wish I'd written it:

The bustard’s an exquisite fowl,
With minimal reason to growl:
He escapes what would be
Illegitimacy
By grace of a fortunate vowel.

RustyM

😀

JD750 Loc: SoCal

These are great! Hmm I feel challenged to check to see if they are mathematically correct...

The first one the expression on the left is not equal to 81.

The 2nd one checks out. :)

This one:
If (1+x) (real close to 1)
Is raised to the power of 1
Is raised to the power of 1
Over x, you will find
Here's the value defined:
2.718281...

It really depends on the value of x does it not? What if x is 1,000? I think it was supposed to say delta-X.