Fiest xmas joke this year.
Nov 28, 2012 17:16:26 #
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge...?"
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge...?"
Nov 28, 2012 18:45:05 #
Nov 28, 2012 19:21:02 #
Nov 28, 2012 19:29:20 #
Nov 28, 2012 20:23:07 #
Sorry about the typo, should have read ( first ), no one said it was december yet.
Nov 28, 2012 20:41:46 #
Just jokin' with ya ....
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What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
This one will sleigh you !
Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?
Because they are both tail bearers !
Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs !
How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?
Don't feed it !
Why did the reindeer wear black boots ?
Because his brown ones were all muddy !
How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach ?
Because he didn't want to be recognised !
Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !
Where do you find reindeer ?
It depends on where you leave them !
What do reindeer have that no other animals have ?
Baby reindeer !
------------
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
This one will sleigh you !
Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?
Because they are both tail bearers !
Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs !
How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?
Don't feed it !
Why did the reindeer wear black boots ?
Because his brown ones were all muddy !
How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach ?
Because he didn't want to be recognised !
Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !
Where do you find reindeer ?
It depends on where you leave them !
What do reindeer have that no other animals have ?
Baby reindeer !
Nov 29, 2012 05:48:18 #
Hi mullumby. I have heard this one before but the difference was a bridge from Australia to New Zealand.
Still a very funny story.
Still a very funny story.
Nov 29, 2012 10:58:34 #
Could have added "How can I get a woman to understand my sense of humor?"
Nov 29, 2012 11:47:07 #
British version
;
Prince Charles was driving his Range Rover around the estate, suddenly he heard a bang, he got out to see what it was...Oh Gawd heLp me.. he exclamed I've run over one of mummies corgis, she will kill me..just then a voice boomed out from above..As you are the future king of England I will grant you a wish. Charles looked at the dog which was really mangled up beyond recognition..Please God, could you restore mummies dog back to how it was? God replied, the state of the dog would be almost impossible even for me to restore..ask another wish. Charles then said..Okay..People say my wife Camella is ugly in comparison to Diana, could you make her prettier...God replied, Get the dog out from under the wheel arch so I can get a better look. :thumbup:
;
Prince Charles was driving his Range Rover around the estate, suddenly he heard a bang, he got out to see what it was...Oh Gawd heLp me.. he exclamed I've run over one of mummies corgis, she will kill me..just then a voice boomed out from above..As you are the future king of England I will grant you a wish. Charles looked at the dog which was really mangled up beyond recognition..Please God, could you restore mummies dog back to how it was? God replied, the state of the dog would be almost impossible even for me to restore..ask another wish. Charles then said..Okay..People say my wife Camella is ugly in comparison to Diana, could you make her prettier...God replied, Get the dog out from under the wheel arch so I can get a better look. :thumbup:
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